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Stepping Off the High Dive

My heart is racing and my knees are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time
to take the leap of faith
So here I go
                  

I’m diving in, I’m going deep
In over my head, I want to be
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,
in over my head, I want to go
The river’s deep, the river’s wide,
the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim, I’m diving in — Dive, Steven Curtis Chapman

I remember hearing Erwin tell the story of his childhood experience with the high dive; how he climbed the ladder excitedly but once he got to the top, stood on the diving board and looked down, he realized just how far he had to fall and wanted to take the ladder back down. However, this "big, mean" older boy refused to let him pass, saying, "you’re not coming back this way!" So thanks to his big brother Alex — the "big, mean" boy who wouldn’t let him pass 🙂 — Erwin jumped off the high dive. And lived. And jumped again and again because he loved the thrill so much. But that first step off the board was a killer. Erwin was practically frozen in fear and but for the force of his big brother he would never have taken it.

I’ve stepped off a high dive of my own. I came to a powerful realization over a month ago and started taking baby steps toward healing, recovery and wholeness. But that was just the last few steps up the ladder, and across the board to the edge. I realized I had to choose to jump or I would spend the rest of my life wandering back and forth across the board, staring at the Life I could have, staring at it but never living it. I paced that diving board and stood at the edge for several weeks, struggling with the decision before me and the consequences that would follow. Finally I made my decision and stepped off.

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here — "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot

This is a good thing, a very good thing, this step I’ve taken. Make no mistake about that. But it’s also the scariest thing I’ve ever done. It alters the way I live for the rest of my life. Every day that passes I realize more and more the wisdom of the motto, "One day at a time." It’s just too overwhelming to think about how I will find the strength to live this new way, except to take it in bite-sized pieces; one day at a time, one minute at a time, holding on to Jesus every step of the way.

I am so grateful for His constant presence! Our amazing unfathomable Three-In-One God has made His intimate, dwelling/abiding in me evident every moment of the day. I often awaken to His eyes intently gazing into mine, and at night He sits with me as I weep with the pain of grief, sorrow and fear. He comforts me, holds me and constantly encourages; saying things like, "you can do this," "I am here and we will do it together," "I will catch you when you fall," "one day at a time… one thing at a time." He has also put in my life people who have been so supportive, loving and gracious, and He’s placed me in a city where help for healing, recovery and wholeness is readily available. I look over the landscape of my life and see that He has been preparing me, preparing my life, for this stepping-off moment, this diving in from the high dive, for a very long time; longer I’m sure than what I can (or will ever) see.

I am afraid scared out of my mind and I don’t have any idea how I will accomplish all that is before me — and I know there will be times when I fall and must start again. But I also know I’m not alone in my fight. And that makes all the difference in the world (I don’t know
how people live without Jesus!).

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Eph 3:20-21

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Beauty for Ashes

Who believes what we’ve heard and seen? Who would have thought God’s saving power would look like this? — Isaiah 53, The message

This week I’ve been listening to Beth Moore’s study, "Breaking Free" on my way to and from work. I just really need to revisit the study and remind myself of the truths within, so I’ve been listening to my cds of it. One morning Beth pointed out that before we can get to Isaiah 61 — the theme for the study — Isaiah 53 has to happen. 61 just isn’t possible otherwise. Jesus has to go through
the pain, the scorn, the torture and death — and resurrection — before we can have freedom,
healing, and beauty in exchange for our chains, puss-filled wounds, and ashes. I’ve somewhat camped in Isaiah 53 the rest of this week. Listen to this:

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew
pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down
on him, thought he was scum.

Jesus was completely unattractive, even looked down upon by people. For some reason I’d forgotten about that. What an amazing thing this is. Jesus can truly identify with all of us who’ve felt… ugly, for lack of a better word; those of us who know we don’t measure up to the high standard of beauty in our culture (or perhaps any culture) because He himself was considered unattractive, even ugly by society. He is truly a Redeemer for all us little guys!

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.

I just want to wrap myself up in this and stay here the rest of my life. All the the things wrong with me, all of them, Jesus carried to the cross, on the the cross, and then  left them there. I know I’ve made this point before, recently even, but every time I come up against it these days I can’t help but sit in stunned silent awe. How can this be?? Everything in my life, everything is covered and redeemable. Do you really get the significance of that?

Listen, there are secret sins we all carry — bury; you have done this, I most certainly have; we all do this, or have done it at some point. We bury this one (or several) sin in the the deepest crevasse we can find in our heart and pretend it doesn’t exist, no matter how many times it revisits us or we revisit it, because it is just too awful; we cannot believe God will forgive us for it. Haven’t you ever wondered how Ted Haggard survived his double life, or Larry Craig either? They hid it from even themselves, down in that deep crevasse. Yet Jesus is Redeemer of even that. Even those dark, "horrible" secret sins we do not even dream of talking about nonetheless confessing, even those are covered by His blood. Forgiven. Gone. Over. Forever! When we truly grasp that reality, we start finding freedom; real honest to God freedom.

We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost. We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong, on him, on him.

Isn’t this good! Isn’t this amazing!

He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn’t say a word. Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence.

Little rabbit chasing here… This is odd to me now that I’ve heard lambs/sheep/goats being carried off to be slaughtered. They don’t go quietly. They make a whole lotta noise (it often sounds like babies or children crying, if you want to know the truth; pitiful and disturbing, really) and a whole lotta fuss. You have to hold them by their legs and carry them across your shoulders. Otherwise they’ll do their best to skitter off. —- It’s just an odd analogy to me now, to compare Jesus to a noisy lamb, bound and held, being carried off to its death. Especially since it says "he took it all in silence." Can anyone explain this part?

Justice miscarried, and he was led off— and did anyone really know what was happening? He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people. They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, even though he’d never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn’t true.

Still, it’s what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life. And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.

Out of that terrible travail of soul, he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," as he himself carries the burden of their sins. Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly— the best of everything, the highest honors— because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest. He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep.  —- Isaiah 53, The Message

He took up the cause of all the back sheep. That’s me! I’m am so a black sheep. Oh, thank God I have such a champion!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.  — Isaiah 61:1-4

The ugly girl with nothing but ashes for a life gets the ultimate beauty pageant crown. Now that’s a real Hollywood ending.

Then [Jesus] rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat
down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." — Luke 4:20-21

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! — 2 Cor 9:15

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Dear Facebook, What the—???

Facebook, Facebook, Facebook… what are you doing???

The whole reason I stayed and filled out my profile with you is because you promised me everything there is kept as private as I desire. You force us to use our real names, not allowing us to use our typical Internet pseudonyms, with the promise that all our information is completely within our control and will not be released to the general public unless we say it’s okay. And then you turn around and sell us down the river of search bots so all that personal, private information meant only for reconnection with real live friends is now available to any search engine with an unethical bent and a good search bot. Dang, that hurts.

HT: Music City Bloggers

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Being Bing

My friend Bing has just landed in Moldova for a year of serving God in whatever capacity He needs — working with orphanages, mentoring young girls, and all manner of other ways. She graduated from Belmont University this spring and while most of her (former) classmates are settling into their new careers and getting used to a descent paycheck, Bing is half-way around the world working for Jesus and living off donations from fellow Followers.

Bing’s heart is bigger than Russia and she fills it up completely with
people. She loves all shapes, sizes, colors and kinds — but especially
little people (we call them "children"). She’s also incredibly intelligent — brilliant, really — and very witty and charming. You just can’t help but fall in love with her the moment you meet her. She is A-mazing.

Bing’s been to Moldova multiple times (our church has yearly trips; this year there were a record 65 people on the three teams that served two weeks in three cities in Moldova) but started feeling God tugging on her heart to spend a year there earlier this year. I am so excited and so proud of her for taking this huge step of faith and following Jesus to this little corner of eastern Europe. I know God is going to blow her mind with all He does while she’s there. I can’t wait to hear about it all!!

Do me a favor… check out her fresh new blog and maybe leave her a quick encouraging comment — and then add her to your blog reader, or weekly blog reading list. You will not be disappointed, I promise.

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Real Debate, Real Value

Real debate; honest to God, true, respectful even if passionate debate is of immense value. It opens doors to deeper understanding, better communication and lasting change.

Sadly, when you watch these televised debates of candidates you usually get a lot of fake/faux debating and a lot bullshit you have to shovel through to find the one teeny-tiny diamond they pooped out during their two hours of windbagging. I experienced just such drivel when I tried to watch a recent local debate between the two run-off candidates for Nashville mayor and I tuned out after about three minutes. It was obvious that one candidate was incredibly fake and his opponent was just boring. I don’t remember their names… maybe someone in town can help; the faker was the guy claiming to have made a ‘pledge’ to not raise property tax and goading his opponent to do the same; the opponent, the boring one, was himself obviously bored with the first guy’s nagging. Neither one impressed me. Me thinks Nashville’s in trouble… but I digress.

As I said, usually these debates are void of any real honest-to-God debate on a real-people level. It’s all posturing and politicking. Tonight’s Republican debate on Fox News Channel, however, became a whole different ballgame about half-way through. And a whole lot of fun!

Two candidates — well, all the candidates, really but two in particular — really got into it about Iraq and what needs to happen now. Ron Paul was passionate and forceful and so was Mike Huckabee, in his own way. —-You can tell the guy’s a Southern Baptist pastor. He talks like it — not in rhetoric, but in cadence and calm demeanor. —Both made very good points; very good points.

I agreed and disagreed with both, and each gave me much to consider. But the thing that really got me most excited is that this is exactly the kind of debate going on in the American public. This is what we voters are tussling with, struggling with, grappling with and trying to come to some sort of conclusion about. Both men argued passionately, yet respectfully, the main points that so encompass the public and private debates happening across dinner tables, lunchroom tables, water-coolers and living rooms all over the country:  Do we admit error and miscalculation in going into Iraq and pull out or are we whining just because it’s hard and ugly and nasty; do we need to just suck it up and realize this is what war is, and not the stuff we see in movies? Are we a divided country that needs to admit failure in Iraq and regroup around an exit strategy or one country that needs to unite around the decisions of leaders and stay in the fight to the finish?  Is this about humility or is it about honor?

Tonight’s debate was good because, finally, at least two politicians truly entered the real debate going on in the American public. Finally, for at least a moment, there was no rehearsed speechifying, practiced disgust or feigned anger. There was only passion, conviction and debate that was real and valuable and honest. Oh my gosh how rare that is! Not even Reagan’s "There you go again," can compare with the Paul/Huckabee mini-debate tonight. Would that all the debates from here on would be thus.

PS — On top of a moment good debate, I learned a new word tonight: complementarity. I thought the guy was just making it up, as people are wont to do these days (all too often!). But it’s for real. Check it out. Who knew politicians actually know what they are saying when they use big words?

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First Impressions

Have you ever just gotten a bad vibe from someone from the first meeting and every subsequent dealing with them seems to confirm the yucky feeling you got the first time?

Yeah… I had that happen recently. And now everything that person is involved in feels tainted. I know it isn’t, in reality. At least I don’t think it’s all tainted (crossing my fingers and praying!). But it all feels… diminished. Less that what it was before.

Which is really sad, and very difficult to know how to handle because I’m much attached to most of it. Attached in attraction and attached in commitment. But now I don’t want to be attached at all. The attraction is very diminished. But I’m already committed — guess I should have looked closer before I leaped.

I know Grace is in order here. Giving grace for hard times, for
struggles, for character faults. Goodness knows I need grace constantly! And I’m willing to give it…
I think. I just don’t want to be around the person if I don’t have to
be. And now I find myself avoiding places and events I think they will
be at simply so I don’t have to deal with feeling yucky after running
into them. Not good.

I wonder if first impressions are generally right more than wrong. I realize some people I meet are not having a good day or are just having a rough go of life at the moment. I know I would want someone to give me a second chance, a chance to redeem myself, if they met me on a bad day or during a rough spot in life.

But even in those hard, rough, times you can generally get a sense of a person’s character, don’t you think? It is never more on display than when a person is under stress, I think. That’s when you really find out what a person is made of.

There have only been a few times that I can think of when my first impression turned out to be incorrect (but I’m willing to admit my memory is rather faulty at times). I wonder, is that because I read most people right, or because I just choose to accept my first impression as truth and always see them that way?

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Justice

I’ve been asked to be on the board of directors for a new non-profit. I’m very excited about it all! I’m excited about its mission and the possibilities it will have as well as getting to be a part of its initial process, the ground floor as was, as it begins.

During our first board meeting this week we had a long discussion on the meaning of the word "justice." I and another member had one meaning fixed in our heads, while most of the rest of the board had another. The more we talked, the more obvious it became that none of us was willing to concede our views to the other. It wasn’t a contentious discussion, nor even in the slightest bit heated. Just nine people with two very definite pictures of justice. It got me to wondering…

What is your definition of justice? I’m not looking for the "official" Webster’s definition. I can look that up for myself. What I want to know is, when you here the word "justice," what do you think of — and perhaps even what do you think of first or overwhelmingly? What comes to your mind and why?

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Becoming Who I Always Was

This is wild.

Let me back up a moment. I’ve been fascinated with the MBTI — Meyers Briggs Temperament Indicator — since I learned about it in the early 90s. I’ve had more people go glassy-eyed on me as I carry on about dominant, axillary, tertiary and inferior preferences, desperate for others to see the amazing, complex, dynamic pattern I see when I look at those four letters that indicate one’s personality preferences than the economics teacher in "Ferris Bueller." I love this stuff!

Okay, so I’m weird.

Here’s the thing that’s got me so excited tonight that I went from falling-over tired to wide awake with excitement. I should know by now never to check Joe’s blog just before I go to bed. He makes me think and can induce insomnia faster than a Venti Chai Cream Frappuccino. But sometimes I’m a slow learner, so I checked. He posted his indicator results from this MBTI website I’ve not heard of before. He’s an INFJ. Now, that’s the personality type I’ve come to call my own for the last four years, so I thought it rather cool that we shared it.

However, I also realize that the last couple of years I’ve been "testing" as an INFP. Most of these are those fun little quizilla things that are way too short to have any real value or meaning. They’re just fun ways to say, "Look! I’m like Dumbledore." or whatever. But I also began to recognize a growing preference in my life to live more spontaneously, or at least less structured. So I knew I’ve been shifting preferences, but I didn’t realize it was enough to truly throw me into a different MBTI type.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

Turns out it is. The crazy thing is, at least to me, is that I not only scored solidly on the "P" side (though it does seem to be balanced with the "J", which is good; balance is what you want to achieve,  I’m told) but when I read the profile for an INFP I see myself completely. Almost as if I’m seeing myself for the first time, or first time in a long time. This is really me. The me I am inside. The me I’ve been afraid for anyone to see since I was a small child.

INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It’s as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.

INFP children often exhibit this in a ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables’s "bookcase girlfriend"–her own reflection)…

Lord have mercy. If that’s not me I don’t know what is. As an aside, I have to say I love the idea of having more in common with Anne of Green Gables than red hair. I love her drama queen ways and see a lot of myself in her passion and imagination. As a child everything was fodder for my imagination. Everything had life and meaning and mystery and I saw it all come alive and dance for me while everyone else just saw "stuff." I ran around with Jesus as a playmate and Will Robinson as a brother.

I don’t think I ever lost the wonder of life but I learned to bury it deep within the older I got.  Most people, I’ve learned, don’t see the wonder of life with such awe as I do. I was often teased, laughed at, made fun of and otherwise tortured for my way of viewing the world. So I learned to hide the awe, the Lu-in-Wonderland of the real me in favor of the sensing-thinking mentality that so dominates our world. I can fake that pretty well, amazingly enough. I thought one particular sentence in the profile was incredibly helpful in my understanding of this "gift":  "INFPs can even masquerade in their ESTJ business suit, but not without expending considerable energy."  Surprisingly very true. I can. To the point that I sometimes questioned if my awe and wonder were really me, or just parts of someone else that I’d stolen because I secretly thought they were cool. But it really does suck the energy right out of me.

For so long I tried to be who I thought everyone else wanted and expected me to be that I lost touch with who I really am. My re-commitment to Jesus in 1993 and my time at Mosaic seemed to bring me back in touch with that wonder and awe, and slowly I began embrace who I really am. I think that shows in the shifts of my MBTI results over time: INTJ to INFJ to…. now INFP. The last last three years in particular have been incredibly significant in finally rediscovering and reconnecting with my true self.

No "profile" or indicator result can truly define all that a person is. There’s so much more to me than my personality preferences; things like my strengths, passions, experiences and spiritual gifts. Yet reading this profile tonight I felt like God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "This is kinda cool, isn’t it. This is a picture of who I created you to be; who you were early on. Look how far you’ve come: full-circle. Not changing, just maturing into who I made you to be."

Who knew that when I took this thing tonight with no other motivation than to have a little bit of fun and prove that Joe and I are "special" together (we are!) that God would take the opportunity to remind me of the wonder and awe of life in all it’s seemingly random craziness.

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Taking time to Breathe

Warrior2 The weekend was insane. I pulled an all-night-er — my first as a full-time college student — to get two papers completed that were both due Saturday at midnight. One of them was late (obviously). I finished the paper just in time to watch the sun rise Sunday morning. Beautiful!

I’ve been desperate to catch up on my sleep ever since. I know. It doesn’t work that way. But still, I’m trying. I’m going to bed much earlier than is normal for me and still feeling quite tired throughout the day. I’m obviously not as young as I think I am.

Work is not helping me here. It suddenly exploded for me. It’s good. I much prefer being busy — even insanely busy — than idle. I hate being idle at work. Hate. It. So this is good. Just quite tiring. I’m glad I’ve got a bit of a break with school — but also wondering how I’m going to balance everything when we get into September, our busiest month at work, and at the same time start a new class.

Both my classes ended Saturday and now I’m just waiting to hear if I passed. With my next class not until  Sep 5th, I’ve had my evenings free for the first time in almost a year (when I started back to school). I gotta tell ya, it’s really odd to not have to spend my entire evening studying. Very nice, don’t get me wrong! I’m loving it. But it is odd. I feel like I ought to be studying something.

I’ve spent my weeknights staying off the Internet and away from the TV (for the most part). Instead I’m reading books I’ve been trying to get through for months: Abba’s Child, TrueFaced and No Stones. All powerful, challenging books that make you think, evaluate, wrestle and dig deep. So to balance them out and give me a little fun reading, I’ve started to re-read the Harry Potter series from the beginning. It’s been probably been since 2002 since I read them all. Goodness I’d forgotten a lot of details!

I’m also spending time just breathing. I’ve gotten into yoga lately and a large part of it is breathing deep and focusing on your breathing as you stretch and strengthen. And emailing a friend the meditation exercises I’ve learned to do — deep breathing, relaxing and meditating on the names and attributes of God — reminded me that I need to do that more. So I have.

It’s amazing how quickly I forget how to breathe. I really do. Oh, I inhale and exhale. But I don’t really breathe; those deep inhalations and exhalations that cleanse and relax and calm the soul. Today during yoga I was amazed to discover that even during the course of the class my body forgot how to breathe deep. I got distracted and forgot to keep my deep rhythmic breathing, which I’d managed to get up to a 5-count inhale and exhale on each. When I realized I wasn’t breathing deeply, I went back to it only to discover I had to start over at a 3-count and work my way back  up to 5.

I wonder if that happens in spiritual things too; if perhaps it takes our spirits a while to work back up to our 5-counts when we lose our focus.

But when you get it back, when your body says, "oh yeah. Now I remember this!" And suddenly takes a big gulp of air and then moves easily into a 5-count, it is A-mazing! The whole body starts to relax and shift into its proper place. Your back straightens, your shoulders go back, your arms and hands (and jaw!) relax; all your muscles let go of the tension they’ve been holding so the body can put all the energy into whatever movement you are doing at that moment. Simply amazing to experience. I didn’t know my body could do that on its own.

I wonder if that happens in spiritual things too.

I gotta go. I want to read and just breathe.

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To Please or To Trust – Part Two

UPDATE: My apologies. Part Three has been unavoidably delayed (perhaps this weekend?) due to busy days and a need to breathe.

Part One can be found here.

Can’t you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! — Gal 6:15

Pleasing God was the ultimate goal of my life for as long as I can remember. Yet I always seemed to come up short. No matter what I did I could not find the magical ingredient that allowed me to feel I pleased Him or was worthy of His love. It never occurred to me that trusting Him with all of me was far more important to God than all my striving to please Him. Yet over the last few years God’s persistent question to me has been, "do you trust Me? Will you trust Me?"

Recently Jesus began applying this question to my sin. Do I trust, will I trust, that His personal specific sin-intervention also applies to every sin I have done and will do as a follower of Christ?  This is a difficult concept for a woman who grew up believing she bore sole responsibility for keeping herself from sin. Moreover, that when I did sin it separated me once again from God, building a wall between God and me that only I could tear down (through repentance). Turns out that was a lie from— well, you figure it out — that even my parents and Sunday School teachers seemed to believe. For they drilled it into me over and over — "sin separates us from God."

But the truth is, once we are followers of Jesus nothing, nothing can separate us from Him. Nothing. Not even our sin. He is stuck like glue, like green on grass, and never, ever leaves. Did you know He stays with me and talks to me even as I’m sinning? Okay, that’s just weird. Don’t you think? I never imagined God would do such a thing. Yet He does. Perhaps He always did and I was just hiding so far back in the dark that I couldn’t see Him or hear Him whispering, "please stop! Please don’t hurt my little girl!"

This whole idea is difficult enough for me to digest but there’s an even more perplexing question Jesus has started asking. "Will you trust me with your temptation? Maybe next time it hits you could bring it to me, talk to me about it. We could fight it together."

Shut. Up.

Jesus wants to be a part of my sin-resistance process?? He actually wants to help me "resist" or "flee" temptation? But wait. Doesn’t Scripture say that I must do that myself, that that’s my job? Turns out it doesn’t and I was never meant to do it alone. Who knew? Trying to do so actually negates Christ’s work on the cross –didn’t think of that, either.

Yeah but I thought He gave me power through the Holy Spirit so He wouldn’t have to get personally involved. He did, but it turns out that that "power" comes in the form of His personal presence.  He actually personally shows up to help in the resistance. He wants us to resist together, using His power and my willingness to try. That’s kind of like asking for an autographed picture of George Clooney and having him personally show up for dinner instead. —-Mmm… let me ponder that image a moment longer… — Too cool for words!

Side note: I realize there is a contradiction in theology in the above paragraph. I know the Holy Spirit is God. So if He gave me His Spirit, it naturally follows that it’s really God that I have. But here’s the thing: that knowledge never made it from my head to my sin-entangled soul. And I think this is rather indicative of how most Christians live: thinking one thing in their head while living out another with their lives because their souls never got the message. I always knew the Holy Spirit was God, yet I still believed that the Spirit-power within me was really only an extension of my own salvation, not truly "Christ. In. me." I certainly did not view it as God personally showing up in and for my every sin, or aiding me in resisting it.

Here’s the bottom line. If you get nothing else out of this series, hear this: God’s greatest desire is that you would trust Him with every part of you, no matter how ugly or ungodly you may think it is. He wants you to trust Him with your life, yes, but more than that, with yourself; with who you are at the core of your being and in the darkest, most secret places of your soul. He is tireless in His efforts to convince you of His trustworthiness and relentless in His pursuit of your trust. And if you will trust Him with you — even just a little part — you will find a full partnership that brings freedom to be who you really are without any masks or any fear of condemnation or judgment. Even when you sin.

Part Three coming soon.