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I Have Been Shown Love

One of the things I love about Grey’s Anatomy (the television show, not the big book) is the music. I have been introduced to some amazing musicians and songs through the show’s constant background soundtrack. The final song of tonight’s episode so grab my heart that I just had to find it and buy/download it. It took about two hours to ferret out (ABC apparently doesn’t update it’s music guide page until after the episode has aired in every time zone, much to my frustration), but I found it. It’s called "I Will Show You Love" by Kendall Payne. And it is good. So good. It is my story, — all our stories — from God’s perspective. Man, I love Him! He is sooo good.

I’ve posted the lyrics to "I Will Show You Love" here for your spirit’s edification. Read. This is God’s love letter to you.


I will show you love like you’ve never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word

You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that won’t depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer, answer

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure you sacrifice your soul, please let that go

You have climbed an uphill road, You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Where you gonna hide? Where you gonna hide from Me?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go that I can’t see?

I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end there is still a hope

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Words and Music by Kendall Payne
Song available on iTunes

UPDATE: If this song really touched your heart, please visit Kendall Payne’s website and let her know by signing her guestbook. Also, all the lyrics to all her songs from this album (Paper Skin) can be found on her website as well.

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Vote 2008

I have always taken my privilege as an American to vote very seriously. I made sure to be informed about the major issues, propositions, and candidates and not to vote for someone I didn’t know anything about.

That said, I often picked my candidate based more on who the pundits said was electable,  and/or who was my party’s candidate than I did based on my own serious study of the candidates themselves, their character and their personal convictions.

This election is very different for me. I am so very disappointed in President Bush. I had high hopes and expectations for him, based on the campaign he ran in 2000. He claimed he would do so many things, and accomplish so much, yet most of it has never come to pass. And many things he’s pushed hard for in recent years are things with which I strongly disagree. And he’s blown it over and over — New Orleans/FEMA is a great example — and never once owned up to the fact that he screwed up. No humility. And that’s very disappointing.

For the first time ever I’m closely watching every debate and looking very closely at every candidate — even the democrats — to see not only who’s convictions most closely mirror my own on issues I’ve decided are key for me at this time, but also who’s character really does seem to be genuine and solid.

For a while now I’ve hadn’t seen someone I felt I could really trust. I liked some of what some Republican candidates say, but not all of it. While some have me on a couple of issues, they lost me on many others. I want to like Ron Paul, but too often he shoots himself in the foot spouting off some radical ideas with which I don’t agree. There’s something about Mitt Romney I just don’t  like; he smiles too much. I don’t trust someone who smiles all the time (which is one of the reasons I don’t trust Joel Osteen, btw). And his smile is—smarmy — at least to me. I like Fred, but sometimes he scares me. Giuliani is okay, but not my favorite; McCain is a little too hawkish for me and Tancredo doesn’t even show up on my radar. Only two candidates have consistently risen to the top of my list; Fred Thompson and Mike Huckabee.

But I think I’ve found my candidate.  Friday evening I watched Mike Huckabee on Glen Beck — you can read the transcript of their conversation here and I gotta tell ya, I was very impressed with him. Very impressed. I’ve been watching him closely anyway; he’s impressed me in the debates — especially when he held his own against Ron Paul. But Friday evening he won me over.  He clearly, concisely, and passionately but intelligently laid out his convictions and his platform and I heard much of my own heart echoed there. His stand on energy, the economy, taxes, securing our borders and national security, and even health care not only made incredible sense but closely mirrored my own opinions and convictions. We’re certainly not "of one mind" on everything, but then again, can you ever find that?

Also, Huckabee’s demeanor and body language was appropriate to the topics of conversation; he didn’t smile too much or smirk at all. I sensed no pride or arrogance or any sense of entitlement. What I saw was a humble, passionate, rather witty man absolutely convinced of his convictions and convinced he had some answers (not all; again, humility) to America’s problems and a way make America an even better nation.

For the first time in my life I am actually making a decision on a candidate not based on electability first but based first and foremost on my own convictions of what needs to be done and what is best for America. And it feels good. 🙂 And I’m actually willing to, and considering, volunteering for the campaign — again, for the first time — to help get the word out about Huckabee so he will be electable. He impressed me that much. I encourage you to read the transcript of the Glen Beck show, check out his website and his stand on the issues, and decide for yourself whether this is a man of character who would a) return America to the constitution it was based upon, and b) lead America into a better future. As for me, I think I’m sold.

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This Morning’s Meditation

This is what I read and have been listening to this morning… it just filled me with incredible hope! So I thought I’d share it on this crazy Monday morning. I realize it might be rather corny to post it, but it just really started off my day right and I just had to share it.

Take a moment to soak in God’s love and grace today. He is indeed good.

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
   the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
   the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
   and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
   his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He’s all I’ve got left

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
   to the woman who diligently seeks. — Lamentations 3:19-25

Surely it was for my benefit
       that I suffered such anguish.
       In your love you kept me
       from the pit of destruction;
       you have put all my sins
       behind your back. — Isa. 38:17

Doxology
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav’nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Hallelujah! Amen!

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To Trust Him More

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take him at his word;
Just to rest upon his promise,
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
just to trust his cleansing blood;
and in simple faith to plunge me
neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
just from sin and self to cease;
just from Jesus simply taking
life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust thee,
precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
and I know that thou art with me,
wilt be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

Words and Music by Louisa Stead

This song has been in my head for days, so I thought I’d put the lyrics up so it could be in yours too (aren’t I sweet!).

This was one of my mom’s favorite hymns. I remember many nights as a child hearing her play it on the piano after I’d gone to bed. She used to say her piano "practice" time — after us kids were in bed and her chores were done for the evening — was her worship time; her private time to worship God with her fingers, with her mind (as she sung the lyrics in her head, or out loud) and with her spirit. I fell asleep many nights to mom’s piano worship, as she played her way through hymns and Bill Gaither songs. I can’t think of a better way to slip into restful sleep. Perhaps that’s why as an adult I so often use music to help me sleep; especially when I’m stressed.

Tonight I’m listening to Casting Crowns sing this old hymn. I’m remembering my mom. But I’m also thinking about my own life. And how God has proved Himself faithful over and over; proved Himself completely, utterly and unconditionally trustworthy. Yet I still struggle to trust Him with pieces of my heart and life. I pray for grace to trust Him more.

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Living The Real Thing

Sometimes I miss Southern California. The last 24 hours I’ve had several bad bouts of SoCal homesickness.

Some friends from Mosaic called me last night. One friend is visiting from Oklahoma and three others gathered at the home of a fourth, where the first was staying (got all that?), to hang out and visit with the long-lost friend. My name came up and someone got the cool idea to call me and let me in on some of the fun. I loved it!! I got to talk to each one for a bit, even though some of them were distracted by children and cooking "issues," (clean that oven yet, Deb?) and it was so, so good to hear their voices. I miss their fellowship.

Then today, after some good fellowship with new friends from church, I wandered into the Disney Store and got huge pangs of SoCal-homesickness again. I miss Disneyland! Most of all I miss the ability to just go down there whenever I want (I used to have the premium annual pass; the one with no black-out days) and just soak up the atmosphere. While historic Franklin has some of that Main Street feel, it just isn’t the same as the Disney version. Sad, isn’t it; how often we prefer fantasy to reality?

That’s something I’m realizing more and more these days: how often in my life I traded in reality for a fantasy of my own making, choosing to live inside my head instead of in the moment. My grammar school teachers called it "daydreaming," but fantasizing is a much truer definition. I wasn’t just idly passing the time, I was escaping reality, which was either too boring or too painful to stay connected to. So I created a different life for myself in my head, complete with a different family, home and even city. I started this habit so young I can’t even remember a time in my life when it wasn’t a part of my day. It got to the point that I didn’t know how to live completely and always "in the moment." I still don’t.

But I’m learning.

And what I’m discovering on a daily basis is that Life is so much sweeter than I ever fantasized it to be! Not easier — because everything in my fantasies was that easy-hard where the sweat is just as fake as the "reality" it comes from — No, not easier. Just sweeter. There is a richness, a deep richness to Life that only comes when you are truly present in every moment intimately connected with Jesus that cannot be adequately described, or understood, apart from reality.You cannot create this amazing—how do I call it??? — this amazing depth and fullness of life in your head; you cannot imagine it even if you have the creative genius of a thousand Lucases and Spielbergs. I’ve at times been accused of dwelling too much on the pain I experienced four years ago when my parents died and my team fell apart and my dreams disintegrated before my eyes. But the thing is, it’s not the pain I dwell on, it’s how God met me in the midst of that pain and made life so incredibly sweet. Oh so sweet!! Even though I was in agony, Life was so full and rich and sweet. And still is. Still! You cannot create that. Only God can do that. He started me down a new path and into a new life during that time, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for all the world. It showed me just how good Life really is when you spend it staring into the Eyes of Jesus. Oh, God I am blessed!

Last night after I said my goodbyes to my friends, I didn’t hang up. I stayed on the line and just listened to the fellowship of old friends as the receiver was carried (apparently across the room) to its cradle. What an amazing experience! It was like I was there in person, just listening to the various conversations and watching these wonderful friends enjoy each other’s company. Once the connection was severed and the line went dead I felt deep pangs in my heart. I miss the fellowship of these friends. They are amazing, beautiful, dynamic God-dreamers who so often inspire me and fill my heart with warmth and goodness.

It would be so easy for me to romanticize our time together, re-framing it in my head as perfect and holding it up as a comparison to which all my current and future communities of faith must measure up. It’s what I’ve all too often done throughout my life, compared the present to a romanticized past and found the former severely lacking. But that’s just as much living in a fantasy as my "daydreams" were. While the times these amazing friends and I had together were God-ordained, they were far from perfect. We argued and fought and hurt each other, we stumbled over our own brokenness, and struggled with our own issues and insecurities. We made each other cry and shout, and not necessarily in good ways, and we didn’t always forgive or admit wrong-doing. And if we were to spend more than 24 hours cooped up together, even after so long apart, I’m sure we’d all walk away frustrated by silly little annoyances that totally grated on our nerves to the point of distraction.

Sitting in the silence after that wonderful phone call I had to remind myself of these things; I had to go back in my mind and remember some of the bad times and hard times to bring myself back into a balanced perspective. No matter how much I miss them or how dear they are to my heart, their’s is not the only sweet fellowship I have ever had or will ever have in my life. God has other friends in waiting for me, some of whom He "conveniently" arranged to have invite me to lunch today so that I could experience the truth that my quota of friends isn’t filled yet. There will be more "e’spose your toes" groups, more amazing song-writing sessions with talented musician friends, more four-friends-singing-groups, more New Year’s Eve drop-in parties, more middle of the night conversations that last till dawn, more sweet fellowship with amazing God-dreamers. Isn’t He amazing?Lu_at_the_rippys_with_a_sharp_objec

And Disneyland? Well, Main Street is just an airplane ride away. And anyway, Fantasyland is fun to visit, but I don’t want to live there anymore.

PS — this is me not long after coming back from overseas in 2003. Not sure why the Rippys let me play with a sharp object… From the look on my face, that wasn’t exactly the wisest decision they’ve ever made. 😉

PPS — I stole this picture from Ron’s MySpace page. Sshhh!! Don’t tell him.

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My Life as a Lobster

Ow.

I am redder than the Red campaign. It was the (now) annual trip to Georgia for Reynolds Rendezvous charity event this past weekend so my friend KatRose and I drove south on Wednesday morning to help prep for the Saturday event, which went off very well, by the way; thanks for asking! Beautiful weather, lovely people, amazing old restored wooden boats, and kids who’ve survived more chemo and operations than any adult could handle and yet are still so excited just to be alive. It was gooooood [insert my best Bruce Almighty voice here].

However.

We had a beautiful warm "autumn" day (ha! the calendar says "autumn" but the weather certainly doesn’t. What the—?!), temps in the low 80s, not a cloud in the clear Georgia sky, sun reflecting brilliantly off the water…. and fair (and I do mean fair) Lu with absolutely no sunscreen on at all. None. All day. Nada. Nope. Zilch. Zero! Doh.

I’m such a dork. I didn’t even think about it until, oh, about 3:30pm. Long after the damage had been done. And it’s not that I just forgot to put it on. I forgot to even bring any with me into Georgia. I didn’t even pack it. I’m such a dork.

Life as a Lobster. It’s always a joy.

So how was your week?

Sunburn

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Where My Salvation and Redemption Are Coming From

Passion_jesus_carrying_cross

In love [God] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to
be put into effect when the times will have reached their
fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under
one head, even Christ. — Eph 1:5-10 NIV

Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, [God] had us in mind, had
settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by
his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through
Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to
enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his
beloved Son.

Because
of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of
the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments
chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either.
Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we
could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in
making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in
which everything would be brought together and summed up in him,
everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. == Eph 1:5-10 The Message

There is a redeemer,
Jesus, God’s own Son,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Holy One.
Jesus my redeemer,
Name above all names,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Oh, for sinners slain.

Thank you oh my Father,
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.

When I stand in Glory,
I will see His face,
And there I’ll serve my King forever,
In that Holy Place.

Thank you oh my Father,
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.

There is a redeemer,
Jesus, God’s own Son,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Holy One.

Thank you oh my Father
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Till the work on Earth is done

There is A Redeemer — Keith Green

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Comes The Weary One

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. — Psalm 91:1-4

Today was lousy. I was in a foul mood from dawn till dusk and only when I was able to be a couch potato for a few hours did I begin to feel a little more human and less trollish.

Anger, frustration and hurt from yesterday bled into today; perhaps because I went to sleep with the things I was angry about still on my mind. God has a habit of talking to me after the lights go out, probably because I don’t always give Him a chance to be heard any other time. Anyway, last night was no different and I fell asleep while we were still hashing out the frustrations of the day. I woke up this morning tired and cranky and in no mood for— well, anything, really. Except maybe another five hours of sleep.

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done. Homework, work, personal issues that need attention, house cleaning for my out-of-town guests coming next week, attending to friends, church Community Group, women’s accountability group, homework-homework-and more homework….rinse and repeat. I think last night’s events threw me over the edge of that H.A.L.T. dealie (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and I just lost it today.

All day.

I was such a bitch to be around and I knew it. I just couldn’t seem to do anything about it — except stay hidden in my cube as much as possible to minimize the damage to others.

I’m so tired exhausted. My life feels frustratingly… frayed. And fraying. I need rest.

But how do you rest when all your "stuff" stands up and smacks you in the face at the very time you’re trying to fall asleep?

Tonight I took the night off from everything and just spent some time with Jesus. I didn’t do any big study. Nor did I read the books that will facilitate my healing and recovery. Rather I just sat here and listened to specific music that always draws me to Jesus’ feet, read a bit from His Word and spent the evening staring into His eyes.

I came across Psalm 91 and saw what I think is the solution to my need: I will curl up in the shadow of the Almighty and find refuge under His wing. His Word declares I will find the rest I so desperately need there. So I’m gonna take Him at His Word.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. — Psalm 62:5-6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." — Jesus

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So Country

So I just finished watching (via TiVo; recorded late last week) what has been billed as "The Hills meets Nashville" or something like that. It was….um, interesting.

I watched mainly because I love seeing Nashville sights, whether in person or on television. Plus, a friend who worked at the West End Starbucks until recently talked often about the regular (as in daily) visits several in the film crew made to pick up their dose of caffeine and give a tidbit on where/what they were filming that day. It all got me curious to know what it would be like.

Sadly, it’s just not worth watching. It has had great potential; a series exploring the lives of musicians/songwriters and the difficulties of breaking into an already crowded industry in a town where over half the population claims "singer/songwriter/musician" as their true profession (and the other half is either in health care or a student — or works for LifeWay). It’s an intriguing premise and could have not only been entertaining but very informative for all those aspiring musicians dreaming, hoping and planning to make the trek to Nashville to mine their golden futures some day soon.

Unfortunately the series completely misses this mark, settling instead for banal "dialog" (or what passes as dialog in these counterfeit reality shows) and junior high level "relationship issues." It is insulting to all serious musicians, in my opinion; portraying them as shallow and simple-minded rather than the passionate, deep thinkers I have known. And, frankly, the show is just down right boring to watch; slow-moving and uninteresting.

On the positive side, the music was good.

….

….[insert sound of crickets chirping here]…

I do have to say it was good for one thing. I got a huge laugh at the end of the hour when this montage of "coming up on ‘Nashville’" (ooooo!) came up. It had a clip of one of the Nashville "natives" (or at least "veterans") — I don’t remember what her name was — talking about how she was gonna teach the newbie "country girl" a lesson. She punctuated her declaration with, "Welcome to the big city!"

I about fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard! This dumb blond who obviously thinks she is too cool for color teevee was all up on her high horse — without the horse! You are real country if you think Nashville is "the big city," honey. Puh-leeze. Nashville ain’t no big city by any stretch of the imagination. I moved here from Los Angeles. Now, that’s the big city. But Nashville? Not hardly.

Here’s a tip for anyone considering watching an episode of "Nashville." Don’t. Skip the show and spend that time exploring the real thing instead. I promise you your time will be much better spent.