Category Archives: Worship

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Night Psalm

God–you’re my God! I can’t get enough of You!
I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for You,
traveling across dry and weary deserts.

So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in Your strength and glory.
In Your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless You every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to You.

I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy;
I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises!
If I’m sleepless at midnight,
I spend the hours in grateful reflection.

Because You’ve always stood up for me,
I’m free to run and play.
I hold on to You for dear life,
and You hold me steady as a post.
Psalm 63

It’s been a long 3 years. But as I look back, I can see how God has carried me every step of the way. I can remember all the times I felt His loving arms wrapped around me, holding on to me for dear life. I can see all the times I powerfully felt His presence. I remember times He came to my rescue and fought off the enemy who was nearly succeeding in stealing the last ounce of sanity and strength I had left. Smoke really does flow from His nostrils, the earth really does quake, He really does thunder from heaven and His voice really does resound when He comes in anger (Psalm 18:6-19) to rescue His Beloved ones from the father of lies! There was the time on Easter Sunday 2004 when out of the depths of my agony I cried and wailed as the morning began. He met me in that moment. I really saw the smoke flying from His nostrils as my anguish compelled Him from His throne and to my very side, sword swinging and destroying the enemy as He came.

He brought me out of a disastrous situation and provided for me while I began the long road to recovery in LA. He provided a car for me to drive from one end of LA, where I was staying, to the other, where I was serving at Mosaic, or where I had the women’s Bible study, or where my life group met. God showed me His love through David and Gina, who gave up their second automobile so I could first borrow, then buy, it — even though they have two small children, live in South Pas and David works in downtown. God brought me out here, providing for my needs at just the moment I thought all was lost. He continued the healing He’d begun long ago, took me the next step and then the next, and is still with me every step as we walk together into wholeness.

He continues to heal me, love me, pour His grace and compassion over me as if I were standing under the world’s largest waterfall. He doesn’t just provide what I need. He gives me more. He gives me good gifts! Gifts I know I don’t deserve, gifts so sweet and amazing. A perfect place to live. A job that rocks, and co-workers that are amazing. Sunsets, thunderstorms and the perfect chai tea.


I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy;
I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises!
If I’m sleepless at midnight,
I spend the hours in grateful reflection.

Because You’ve always stood up for me,
I’m free to run and play.
I hold on to You for dear life,
and You hold me steady as a post.

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Solitude & Meditation

Take a moment to meditate on this passage. Don’t just read through it, but linger on each phrase, each word, and allow God to speak to you.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. — Romans 5:1-5

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Invaded

in·vade v. – To enter and permeate; to overrun as if by invading; infest

Sometimes God just kisses me on the cheek. Sometimes He gives me a whole day full of kisses. Yesterday was one of those days.

From the moment I got up to the moment I fell asleep, I felt wrapped in God’s arms and loved on. At one point, after checking out a wonderful, promising new place to live, I bounded out to my car audibly praising Jesus and telling Him, my answer was yes — and what did He think. We talked together and joked and laughed with joy as I drove to meet up with a new group of friends.

My time with my friends was also amazing. Stimulating,powerfull conversation, insights and laughter all mingled together. The kind I haven’t had here. Oh, how I’ve missed this kind of community! It felt like home.

In the midst of all this, God quietly, gently chided me about some things; attitudes that have crept into my heart. It was an amazing thing, and so different than all the other times I’ve felt His rebuke. It wasn’t harsh, or heavy-handed, or even stern. There was no anger in His voice, no sting in His words, no sense of guilt or shame in my heart. Just quiet love and gentle chiding. I saw the truth in His words and realized something I’d allowed into my heart without ever realizing it. I didn’t sense that this was inherently bad or wrong; just that I needed to recognize and acknowledge its there.

I wonder, has Jesus so invaded my heart and soul that those layers, those filters that caused me to see Him, as a judging God, heavy-handed with my sin, has He so invaded my life that those filters have been stripped away?

Is this who He really has been all along? This loving, gentle, gracious, compassionate, merciful God, who is more concerned that I see what’s in my own heart than how I’ve wronged Him with it? How did I not see this for so long??

Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
Tread this place and turn it inside out
With Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
Until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
And let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade…

Invade – By Christy Nockels

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Ragamuffin Soul

A special shout out to Carlos Whittaker, Ragamuffin Soul who somehow found me in the vastness of the internet (two Riverside, CA "children" blogging our journeys with Jesus) and blogrolled me as someone he reads every day.

Wow.

I’m honored Carlos! Especially knowing that a busy musician/worship pastor/husband/father has many other things he could be doing with his time.

May all that you do for the Kingdom, and every place your feet land be blessed and consecrated for God’s most amazing purpose.

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I Know

Today’s Beth Moore broadcast ended with this passage. Boy can I relate!

"Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever!

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! Job 19:23-27"

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“Breathe. Just Breathe.”*

*Danielle De Barbarac in "Ever After"

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly." — Jesus

as recorded in Matthew 11, The Message

I’m there, Jesus. Show me. Teach me. Help me!

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Stirrings

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.  For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
— Psalm 61

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
— Psalm 116:7

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Back Porch Blogging

It’s 10pm and it’s still 71 degrees outside. I love the South!!

I’m on my porch, enjoying the evening and reading friends’ blogs. I’ve also been watching a couple of lightning bugs float around the trees in the (small) forest a few feet from my porch. Last night, coming home from Mosaic I drove through Ellington natural preserve. As I came across the long field that separates the preserve from civilization I saw literally hundreds of twinkling lights — fireflies blinking and dancing in the moonlight.

I love this place. It’s so magical. Everywhere I look, at every time of day, there is something beautiful to grab my attention and arrest my soul. Trees with all manner of flowering buds, streams running under canopies of green speckled with sunlight, ponds and small waterfalls, fireflies, thunderstorms, rocky hillsides, log cabins and tudor-style homes sitting side-by-side, an amazing diversity of people — the old country folk, the aspiring musicians, true-blue artists, Indians (not the native American kind, though I’m sure they’re here too), Latinos, African-Americans, Moroccans, Ethiopians, Iraqis, Thai, Greek and Egyptian. And then there are the immigrants…. 🙂

God is good to me. He gives me so much and seems to expect nothing in return. Last night it was the firefly field. Today is was good friends and good conversations. Tomorrow it will be a sunrise… and who knows what else.

I’m glad He loves me.  I feel like the luckiest, most blessed woman in the world.

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Learning Curve

"You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me." — Isa 43:10

Nearly three years ago Beth Moore’s Breaking Free study challenged me with this verse. Do I really believe God? Not believe IN Him but BELIEVE Him? I struggled through that lesson for a year. Then everything else in my life fell apart.

Two years later I find myself faced with the same lesson. With God asking me, point blank, "Do you believe Me?"

It seems that I am re-evaluating everything I once believed about who God is. I realized recently that up till now I have pretty much rested in the faith of others, allowing their faith and belief in God’s character, their definitions of who He is and their trust in those definitions to carry me through life. I think God is using this time in my life, with all the losses I’ve suffered, to help me face the reality of what I really believe and re-examine if that is indeed the truth. Events of the last two years completely demolished my faith-house of cards, completely stripping away all I once trusted. I saw this as a horrible thing; a disaster equal to a 10.0 earthquake in downtown LA.

Until last night.

A couple of weeks ago I realized the truth that the events two years ago didn’t destroy my faith and trust as much as it uncovered my lack of it. Its as if God took my life, turned it upside down and shook it with mighty force. Everything was dumped out and I was left to pick up the broken pieces. However, I realize now that what I thought was broken from the shaking was actually broken long ago.

I’m not a more broken person now. The truth is, I was ALWAYS this broken. I just had lots of things in my heart and life I could hide that truth behind. I hid it so well, I couldn’t even see the truth of myself.

Again, I saw this as a "bad" thing. An ugly truth. A failure. An unfixable situation.

Last night God got in my face about another aspect of His character. I’m still struggling to believe Him. Was it really Him I heard? Or was it the enemy trying to puff me up? What is the Truth?

In the midst of all that questioning, and a long conversation with Adria, I began to think that perhaps all the shaking of my life isn’t such a bad thing. Perhaps all this questioning and seeking isn’t a bad thing either. At the end of it all I will know what I believe. And be convinced of its truth.

I want to know God. I want to believe God. I want to come out of this time of pain and fire refined by my encounters with Him.

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Praise in the Midst of My Darkness

The LORD is king! Let the nations tremble! He sits on his throne between the cherubim. Let the whole earth quake!

The LORD sits in majesty in Jerusalem, supreme above all the nations.
Let them praise your great and awesome name. Your name is holy!

Mighty king, lover of justice, you have established fairness. You have acted with justice and righteousness throughout Israel.

I exalt You, LORD my God! I bow low before Your feet, for You are holy! Moses and Aaron were among Your priests; Samuel also called on Your name. They cried to You, LORD, for help, and You answered them.

You spoke to them from the pillar of cloud, and they followed the decrees and principles You gave them.

O LORD my God, you answered them. You were a forgiving God, but you punished them when they went wrong.

I exalt the LORD my God and worship at Your holy mountain in Jerusalem, for the LORD my God is holy!

              —-Psalm 99 The Message — with Lu edits

My devotional this morning was about praise and worship. Even before I read it, God led me to this passage.

I confess, I’ve been in a very dark place for nearly a week. Depression has seeped into the very fibers of my soul and I can’t shake it. It’s been there for a couple of years now, but sometimes I can hide from it. This week I couldn’t. It overtook me.

I’m not in the "mood" to praise God. I don’t have things to "shout to the Lord" about — at least not in a praise-y shout.

But I found myself reading through Psalm 98 and 99 and remembering a time in India when I couldn’t think, couldn’t focus…. I was the Research Coordinator for our team, yet I felt paralyzed in a fog and unable to lead the team in our research. I put on worship music and forced my mind to focus on God, and on Him alone. At the time I was rather disgusted with myself. All I could think was, "so much to do, and all I can manage to do is worship God. What kind of a Christian am I?!"

Looking back later I could see that that time of praise and worship was probably the most important thing I could do. Funny how I don’t think of that. The Bible says that every day the earth and all that’s in it praise God (Isa 55:12) and even the heavens pour forth speech day-to-day and reveal His knowledge every night (Psalm 19:1-4). Everything was made to praise God — not as an act of contrition, but as a natural part of their day-to-day existence. Even when the sun beats down, fields clap their hands, even when the rain and earthquakes crush them, the mountains still shout out the Glory of God. Why is it, then, that I feel compelled to do something OTHER than praise? Why is it that I feel I must have good things in my mind and life in order to glorify God?

So this is my praise to God. My focus and worship on the only One who can save me from this darkness. My heart is heavy, my soul downcast. But I will yet praise Him. Because that is what I was made to do.