“He has said, “I will never under any circumstances desert you nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless, nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you – assuredly not!” — Hebrews 13:5 (AMP)
Two years ago this coming May I went skydiving for the first time. A friend had shared a video and some pictures on Facebook from her skydiving adventure and it looked fun to me. It looked like an adventure I wanted to take. So I did.
I signed up to go and asked a few friends if they’d like to join me. Most adamantly refused, but one friend who had done it before said she would go with me, not to jump, but to be my support. There were a few false starts due to weather, but finally, the day before Mother’s Day, I got to do my jump. And my friend, Natalie, got to be in the co-pilot seat as I did. It was great to have her there, willing to listen as I went on and on afterward about all I had experienced.
I wasn’t nervous when we got there, or while waiting — though I was rather nervous for a bit after reading through the 7-page waiver I had to sign which detailed all the things that could go wrong and my “agreement” to never ever sue them if they should. I’d already paid my money at that point, and thus committed myself to this adventure. So, nerves-jangling, I signed the waiver and headed to the hangar to meet my instructor.
I was given a jump suit of sorts to get into, and as our time got closer, my tandem instructor, Mike, had me get into a harness, which he tightened. Then we got into to the perfectly good plane we were to jump out of, along with a group of others, and the plane took off.
As we flew higher in the sky, I began to get a little nervous; it was quite high and things on the ground looked very small. As we got close to our jumping altitude of 15,000 feet, Mike began tightening my harness even more; to the point that I thought it might cut me in half.
Too soon it was our turn to jump out. I’d like to say I jumped with confidence and excitement, but that would be a huge lie. There was a group of skydivers that went out first, all in a big ball, tumbling out and over the edge of the plane. I stared after them thinking, “oh, crap! This is real. And this is crazy!” Fear kicked in and I could not move. Thankfully, I was completely tethered to Mike at that point, and he moved us forward and out the door before I could really process what was happening.
I closed my eyes almost immediately, so I missed seeing the belly of the plane as we did a flip onto our back and then back onto our stomachs. I opened my eyes to open sky all around, and the ground very very far away.
I was overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed with what, exactly, I can’t say. There was a taste of terror in that overpowering feeling, and a little taste of exhilaration. And perhaps many other emotions as well. I’m just not sure. All I know is that I was completely overwhelmed by emotions, and, in that moment, I so very much wanted off that ride. Except, there was no “off”. This…thing I was doing at that moment was the “off”. It was as “off the ride” as a person could get.
There was nothing to do but hang on, breathe, and trust that Mike, whom I could no longer see because he was strapped to my back, knew what he was doing, and would take care of me in the event that something went wrong.
We were in free-fall for what seemed like eternity, but in reality was probably only a minute or two at the most. The crazy thing about free-fall is it doesn’t feel like you’re falling at all. It feels more like flying. The ground doesn’t seem to be getting closer but the wind is screaming past you to the point it’s hard to hear, or move. Nothing about what you are experiencing is normal, so the brain goes into overdrive trying to process it all and figure out what to do next. At least that was my experience.
Then came the magical moment I will remember all my life. The parachute deployed.
I didn’t see it deploy; rather, I felt it. There was a sudden jerked upwards, as if some giant had grabbed hold of us and yanked us back up higher in the sky. But it wasn’t so much the jerk that got my attention as much as it was the feel of the harness holding me fast. It was tight against my body, like a mother clutching a trembling child against her after both had a good scare. It was strong and solid.
I felt secure for the first time since we were in the plane and I saw how high we were. And I continued to feel secure in that harness the rest of the way down. All the tugging and pulling Mike had done, all his telling me to suck in my stomach and pull every muscle in tight, had gotten that harness so snug around me that even thousands of feet in the air, it solidly held me close to him – and gave me the sense that I was anchored to someone else; someone who was very experienced in what to do next.
Now, that harness had been as securely fastened to me when we first jumped out of the plane as it was when the parachute deployed. And it was just as securely fastened throughout our free-fall. Yet I don’t remember ever noticing or feeling it. All I remember is feeling utterly overwhelmed and desperately wanting off the ride. It was only when the parachute opened and the harness pulled tight that I realized I was securely held.
As we drifted down to the ground under the sweet canopy of the parachute, I remember God whispering to me that this is how securely anchored I am to Him at all times, even though I don’t feel it or realize it. I am securely tethered to God through Jesus. And while my tandem skydiving instructor might make a mistake, or have a problem with equipment that even with his decades of experience he cannot overcome, God will never make a mistake. And He never encounters a problem He cannot overcome.
I’ve thought often of that moment nearly two years ago when the harness pulled tight. I’ve tried to imagine feeling that security again. Particularly in recent weeks. But it’s hard to feel secure during free-fall. You have to just trust that you are secure. You have to choose to trust the tethers you can’t feel and the Person you can’t see.
Tonight, as I listened to the news that my home state of California is now on complete lockdown as a means to arrest the spread of this virus, I was overwhelmed once again. There is a strong taste of terror mixed with dread and anxiety. I’m afraid for my family and friends still living there, some of whom are squarely in the high-risk categories. I’m fearful for their health and their jobs.
As I got ready for bed all I could think of was “I want off this ride. I want OFF this ride!” I want to turn the channel on this disaster movie and watch something else. I want a romantic comedy, where the worst things that happen are frustrating road trips, chance meetings with annoying guys, and falling in love with said annoying but lovable guy. I want When Harry Met Sally. I don’t want Contagion.
Events are screaming past us so fast right now, like the wind rushing by during free-fall. It’s hard to hear anything else but the latest news, or our shouting fears. It’s especially difficult to hear the voice of God. And it’s hard to know what to do, and who to believe. Nothing about what we are experiencing is normal. There’s no precedent to follow; no manual that tells us what move to make next. We are in free-fall and none of us knows how to pull the parachute cord.
I’m in a free-fall of my own too. Terror is screaming at me all the time, reminding me of my jobless state, of my alone-ness and loneliness, barraging me with images of being a bag lady under a bridge, forgotten and alone. With each new day – sometimes each new hour – there is more bad news; more layoffs, more “guidelines”, more locking down of society. Dread is weighing down my soul and anxiety is eating my lunch.
As I battled these demons screaming in my ears tonight, God so graciously — and powerfully — swept them aside, and lovingly got in my face. I heard Him say, “Remember, you are tethered to Me. You can’t see me because I’m behind you, holding you firmly and securely to Myself. But I’ve got you. I’ve got you!”
“I got you!” — I don’t know if there are more beautiful words to hear in the midst of free-fall than that. He has us! We are firmly tethered to Jesus, and He will never ever under any circumstances desert us nor give us up nor leave us without support, nor in any degree leave us helpless, nor will He forsake or let us down or relax His hold on us – assuredly not!
Take Heart, friends! Be of good courage – and sleep well. Jesus is keeping watch today.
