Category Archives: Mission

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Heart of the Matter

There is a stage in the grief process when anger finally pushes to the surface and fills the soul for a time with hot coals of raw emotion, of rage. Sometimes that rage doesn’t make a bit of sense. Sometimes it shoots blindly at whomever or whatever is closest. But sometimes it is laser-focused on a particular thing, or person.

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

We don’t just grieve when someone dies. We grieve when dreams die, when relationships don’t work out, when jobs aren’t what we thought they would be, when careers are not what the college recruiter promised.

We also grieve as we grow in our discovery of ourselves.

I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

When you discover that much of the view of you, of yourself, that you built your life around is actually a lie from the enemy of your soul; when you finally connect the dots of your life and see how the arrows of childhood hurts have shaped your behavior, your willingness to be treated in unkind, abusive ways and your choices in relationships; how those lies fed an insecurity that kept you clinging to whatever measure of power or control, or both, you could grasp, there is a firestorm that sweeps over you, an anger that must find a release.

You can try to stem the tide. You can try to stuff the emotion. You can try. But whatever ever method you choose, it will ultimately fail. Like the little boy with his finger in the dike, it is too little, too late. The dam is broken and its just a matter of time before the anger spills forth and floods every valley of your life.

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn’t keep us warm 

There is a slow burning fire growing within me. Embers of anger fanning into raging flames as I begin to realize the lies I believed and the person I allowed those lies to shape me into. I feel it rising inside me, filling up all my insides and spilling over my spirit and into the world. It comes out in inappropriate ways — cussing out the drivers in front of me who drive too slowly, muttering curses at my computer and my office’s Internet slowness when neither move as fast as I declare they should. I know there are better ways, more productive ways to release this anger, but I have yet to have success in using them.

In truth, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the fire inside. I haven’t touched the fullness of it yet, but I know it burns hot. And it will rage out of control soon.

Yet even in the midst of all this discovery and fire, there is a Truth that shines brightly even in the daylight. Truth that brings release, like buckets of cool rain. I am free.

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore 

The chains of desperate need for power, for control, they no longer hold me captive. The need to make sure everyone believes as I do, that everyone follows the rules I deem most important, don’t exist anymore. I look at my life and I can see the legalism I lived under. I can see the legalism I enforced upon others. And I see if for the legalism it is, not the “concern” or “passion” I once believed it was.

When hurts come, when the arrows of Life pierce our hearts, our automatic reaction is to close ranks and protect ourselves. Legalism is the best protector of all. It creates a nearly impenetrable wall that none can scale. It sets the bar so high than no one can ever measure up. And if no one can measure up, no one can hurt us with unmet expectations or unexpected rejection. It gives an illusion of power and control over the undefeatable and uncontrollable.

All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside

There are so many in the world right now who long to keep me trapped in legalism, especially in their own particular brand of legalism. They say I cannot do certain things, because I am a woman. They say that I cannot practice certain things, because they do not interpret the Bible that way, and they know these things better than I, they say. They say I cannot believe certain things, because God showed them my beliefs are in error.

For a moment I raged. Fire burned inside my spirit and smoke poured from my heart.

And then the chains fell to the floor. I saw the legalism for what it really was, a defense, to keep out the Grace of God.

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore 

Grace says it matters not who’s right. Grace says I don’t need to be in control. Grace says it doesn’t matter who appears to have the power. Grace says I am forgiven. Grace says I am redeemed. Grace says that God has the power; God has the control. Grace says God defines me; and God defines my ministry.

Grace even says that God is patient; agonizingly patient. He allows the power hungry, the control obsessed, the legalistic, the pharisees of our day to continue down our self-made paths of destruction because He loves us. He loves us enough to give us as much time as we need to, well, to get a clue that we’re in over our heads. He is slow to anger, and quick to forgive because He loves even the power-hungry souls, so much so He does not want them to suffer punishment at His hand.

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore

Grace says I’m forgiven. When I accept God’s Grace, His forgiveness of my own desperate game of power and control washes over me and my chains of legalism fall powerless to the floor. Grace stands in opposition to the legalism I see all around. And Grace calls me, longs for me, begs me, to forgive. Forgive, as I have been forgiven. Others can try with all their might to bind me in their chains, but they will fail. For I am free. Grace has freed me. Freed me to give Grace. And I pray Grace will one day set them free.

There is much power in forgiveness. It is the power of Life.

“Heart of the Matter” by Don Henley, performed by India.Arie
Download it now from iTunes

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Being Light in a Dark World

2004118candlelight1_1 "Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth…. You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven." — Jesus (Matthew 5:13-16 The Message)

It seems like I’m doing my best writing these days in the comments section of Marty Duren’s blog. He had another post today which was completely on-point with one of the deepest passions of my heart.

I spent over 15 years in the entertainment industry in Hollywood and it is deeply rooted in my heart. I love these people with a passion I cannot explain. They are my peeps. I speak their language, I understand their desperate need to be creative and to use their creativity to make an impact on the world. I wanted to be a part of the entertainment community from the time I was in my early teens and first discovered the thrill of acting, writing and backstage crew-ing. (It’s Friday; I’m allowed to make up words on Fridays. Because it’s Friday). The only reason I’m in Nashville now, and not involved in the industry here, is because God has steered my life in a different direction at this point, for reasons He alone knows. But my heart still longs for my peeps in Hollywood, for them to know the powerful, life-transforming love and grace of Jesus.

My friend Jean’s first job as a full-time costumer on a television show — her dream job after many, many years spent paying her dues in costume houses, and as an assistant in various departments at Fox and Columbia and Lorimar studios — was on the show “NYPD Blue”.

At the same time, I worked for the television producer who had mentored Steven Bochco, the creator of NYPD Blue (and Hill Street Blues and many other wonderful shows) many years before. Bochco had faxed over to “Uncle Billy” (my boss) a copy of the series pitch and story ideas for NYPD Blue shortly after the pilot was green lit and long before it ever aired on tv. I had the chance to read it. Bochco was pretty specific that he wanted to “push the creative envelope” of tv and how he wanted to do that. For those of you who never saw the show, Bochco pushed that creative envelope both in the writing and topics — which were, to be sure, powerful and very thought-provoking — but his main envelope-push seemed to be nudity. He was at the forefront of the naked "butt shots" movement (if you can call it that).  I remember reading of his desires to push television in this direction and thinking, "why not use your influence for pushing the envelope in the areas of creativity and issues rather than something so unimportant as nudity." I still don’t understand that, but that’s another post all together.

At any rate, I began praying, very specifically and diligently, from the moment I read Bochco’s pitch that God would place followers of Christ in key areas and in every aspect of production, to bring His light and His ideas of “pushing the creative envelope” to not only the show but to all the people involved in producing and airing NYPD Blue. I prayed daily for this, year after year.

The show was in its 2nd or 3rd season when I saw Jean for the first time in several years. When she told me what show she worked on and that she’d been on the show since its 1st season, I was so ecstatic I could hardly contain myself. I kept gushing on and on about how great and amazing that was that she was there; what an incredible opportunity she’d been given to influence so many people, both on and through the show, and that I was so excited for her — both from a spiritual perspective of her sphere of influence and from career perspective of what a good show to be on (critically acclaimed, Emmy honored, a good kind of show to be associated with from a career point of view). It was such a rush to hear how God had answered my fervent prayer.

Then I got a real shock. Jean told me I was the first and only Christian friend to respond to her that way. Everyone else made faces and said, “why int the world would you want to work on that show?? Can’t you find another job??”

How sad! Here is a follower of Christ in the perfect position to influence the true influencers of Hollywood, to make a direct impact on a show that was having a huge impact on television as well as society, and the only thing most of the brothers and sisters in Christ she encountered could think of was how evil they thought the show was, and how could a Christian even want to be in such a place. No concern for the people working on the show, for their spiritual needs; no concern for the possibility of actually changing the lives of those involved in the show, and thus through them changing the direction of television. Only a disgust that she would dare to work on such a show.

Jesus spent His ministry associating with “sinners and tax collectors”. I’m convinced that were He to have come in our time instead of before, He would have worked on shows like NYPD Blue and Sex and The City and hung out with guys like Prince, even played in His band.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do not carelessly throw that idea around. Wisdom compels us to be careful what we say "Jesus would or would not do." However, God planted the passion in my heart for the people I served in LA. He did that. I didn’t. Truthfully, left on my own, I get very self-focused and would never have a passion to serve anyone but me. Its from that passion and deep love for the people in the industry that God planted in me that I say I am convinced Jesus would be in the entertainment industry were He here; because I believe with all my heart it is the  compulsion of His Spirit that drives me to my knees for my people and compelled me to work in that industry for His glory. I’m convinced He put me there to bring Himself to them because He wants so badly to be with them.

I am convinced that Jesus longs for us to go so many places that we discount because of a blending of American and American church cultures. This blending promotes an ideal of individualism and sense of freedom over our life course mixed with a strong sense of "guilty by association" with professions which the church has deemed "inappropriate" or "godless".

America’s culture is driven by rugged individualism. It’s what made our country so distinct, and dare I say, great. It’s what puts us in the leading edge of pioneering sciences and new discoveries in every arena. We are a country of rugged individuals. It’s how our borders expanded from one cost to the other. We are constantly seeking new horizons and new frontiers to explore. That individualism seeps even into our deep conviction of freedom of choice in professions.

When I served in India I was struck with the lack of this sense of freedom in choice of profession which Americans have. It’s not that they could not choose — because the reforms in the last 50+ years have opened up many choices not just for men but for women in the workforce. But so many Hindus feel a distinct obligation to family or community professions; they have a sense of duty to family and community we here in America just do not. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying one culture is better than another. I’m not. Neither is good or bad. They are just different. America is rare in its rugged individualism. And I think that culture of individualism is also pervasive in the American church.

The American church also had a weird conviction of "guilt by association," where a person automatically becomes tainted, either in reputation or character, by those with whom they choose associate or work. Therefore, we think we "should", perhaps even must, choose a profession which won’t risk Jesus’ image being tainted through that associational guilt at all.

For some reason this associational guilt is particularly strong when it comes to the arts. Some comments on Marty’s blog expressed that no musician playing an instrument (drums for example) in a band whose lyrics are sexually suggestive can bring glory to God (even though most back up road musicians are not singing the lyrics themselves). Guilt by association regardless of the musicians heart or character.

How in the world are we to bring God’s light to a dark world if we are so Dscn5131_small1afraid of tainting His and our reputations that we refuse to even consider professions that take us to the heart of that darkness? How do you rescue someone stuck in the middle of a muddy pit if you’re not willing to get a little muddy yourself?

I know followers of Jesus who are bartenders, who play in bands with very secular (sensual) music, actors who play all manner of roles, from thieves to rapists to homosexuals, writers working on shows that advocate gay or sexually promiscuous lifestyles, crew members who work on a succession of films that don’t promote any sort of "Christian" values…. the list goes on. These are hard core totally on-point passionate sold out followers of Jesus; true servants of God. And they are making a very real difference in these dark places.

Does God lead everyone to do all this? No. Of course not. Nor has He led everyone to be pastors, or urban church planters, or businessmen or politicians. We all have our places to serve; and mine will not look like yours, nor yours mine no matter how much we desire it to.

As a writer/producer’s assistant I spent many hours typing and editing scripts where every dialog paragraph had the f-word at least once. I typed that word over and over. Not only that, but I heard it all the time from all the writers and producers and assistants and executives I worked with/for. Every time I heard it or typed it, it reminded me that my co-workers and friends were languishing in a world of hurt and pain without God; without any other means to express the desperate cries of their souls other than the f-word.

As a leader in my church, I counseled other followers like me in the entertainment world who deeply struggled with how to best be God’s light in the industry. I remember talking with one actor who, because of his look, only got casting calls for roles as gay men, addicts and rapists. Even at his most cleaned up he had the face perfect for playing a "thug" or a troubled gay man or a child molester. He so did not want to play any of those roles. And he didn’t know what to do, because he had all this talent he wanted to use for God’s glory but he didn’t see how he could do that in the roles he was being offered. And he wasn’t getting offered any other roles. He eventually moved home and got a "regular" job.

Another friend had the same issue — not so much the "thug" look as the "gay" look. He, on the other hand, relished the opportunity to use his talents to infuse into every gay (and even straight) character the pain and conflict inherent to a lifestyle so contrary to God’s heart. He found a way to honor God by subtly bringing out in his every character the human struggle with sin in the heart of every person.

Not everyone can do that. But thank God some are willing to try! My friend had more of an impact, both in the gay and Hollywood communities, than any preacher I know. God showed him a way to both maintain his integrity as a follower of Jesus and play characters whose lives are completely contrary to God’s heart with truth, compassion and grace.

If we as followers of Jesus will not take His light to these dark places and work alongside the lost souls there in order that they may find life in these spiritually dark environments, who will?

"But how can people call for help if they don’t know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven’t heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That’s why Scripture exclaims, A sight to take your breath away! Grand processions of people telling all the good things of God!" – Romans 10:14-16 The Message

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Disciple Generation

Marty Duren brought an intriguing article, and book, to my attention in his post today.

The book, "Righteous: Dispatches from the Evangelical Youth Movement" is written by Lauren Sandler, a self-proclaimed Jewish athiest, who immersed herself in in the Evangelical Youth Movement as a journalist in order to better understand and report on this new "grassroots movement" as she calls it.

The Washington Post.com recently published an on-line chat with Lauren regarding her book, research and her subsequent opinions on the latest movement in Christianity. Marty brought all this to our attention in his latest post and I got so caught up in what I read that I wanted to post my many thoughts here, rather than co-opt Marty’s blog in the comment section. 🙂

Go read the article, if you haven’t already, then come back and let me tell you what I think — because  its all about me, you know. 🙂 And then afterward, tell you what you think.

I think its an amazing testament to the youth/young adults in this movement that she calls it the "Disciple Generation". I think it shows that they (we?) are finally getting it. That we are called to be disciples of Jesus and to make disciples of everyone in our lives. That’s disciples, not converts. Did you hear me on that?

As I said in my comment on Marty’s blog:

[We have a] “conversion” culture in the Church.

I know that for as long as I can remember (I grew up in church, my dad was a SBC chaplain in the Army and later a minister in SBC churches), I was taught that I would be known by my “fruit” and that fruit was who I brought with me into heaven. In other words, how effective I was as a Christian in my world would be reflected by how many people I converted in my life.

I now believe that is a lie straight from hell — but spoken and perpetuated by well-meaning but misguided Christians. Satan wants to keep us “frustrated” with those God placed in our lives to LOVE and disciple because they aren’t “converting”, he wants us to be so frustrated because they aren’t becoming followers of Jesus. Why? Because as long as we see their conversion as tied to our effectiveness as Christians, we will be more focused on ourselves (and our perceived maturity/effectiveness in Christ) than on THEM. We will not really love them, just love them; just for the joy of loving another human being. But rather, we will see them as a means to proving our own "Christian-ness". —Does that make sense?

[As] Amy and others have said, God didn’t call us to “convert” the world. Jesus never said we’d be known by how many people joined our church. He said we’d be known by our LOVE.

I think we’ve gotten far too wrapped up in “bringing people to Jesus” and have forgotten that our mandate from Jesus was actually to bring Him to the people. (”Go…” not ‘bring them to me’ “…and make disciples…” not converts).

I think that’s what Lauren Sandler experienced in her time immersed in the Disciple Generation. She says in this chat, “I found it remarkable — though perhaps I shouldn’t have, since it is the duty of every Evangelical to spread the faith — that almost every single person I approached opened their hearts, their lives, and often their homes, to me with incredible generosity.”

What she experienced was God’s love, poured out through Jesus’ followers. That she came out of it without committing her life to Jesus and becoming His follower says much more about her heart than it does about the people she met. Jesus’ parable about the seed/soil says nothing about the seed and everything about the soil. Our job is to sow the seeds of love and the gospel everywhere we go. No where does Jesus say we are responsible for any soil other than our own.

What Lauren describes as her experience while immersed in this movement is what being a disciple and making disciples looks like. Making disciples isn’t the same as making converts. The former is all about influence. The latter is all about power.

To me, her label of this movement shows that, for the most part, these young ones understand so much better than we did that it isn’t about power and control, but about influence and servanthood.

And I have to say this was also my assessment when I attended ILC (International Learning Center of the International Mission Board) back in 2002. It was the Journeyman/women and ISCers in their early to mid-20s who were grabbing up the Frontier assignments with people groups in the farthest reaches of the world faster than the IMB could create them. These were young men and women who were so passionately in love with Jesus that it was worth all the sacrifice and hard, hard work it takes to spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth, and they weren’t afraid to risk everything in order that even one person might get the chance to meet Jesus themselves, to experience God’s love and become a follower of Jesus. I am so impressed with this generation!

However, there are some things that concern me. Things I see in the Church which cause me growing concern, especially since it seems we are passing it along to the next generation.

I worked for a brief time with an arm of the SBC which is focused on furthering SBC interests in the political realm. I hated it. I hated the idea of mixing politics and "religion". I hated the idea of SBC money going to political causes. Part of the reason is because I know there are Southern Baptists out there who do not support the agenda pushed by this arm of their denomination. That, to me, is just as heinous as using union funds to support political agendas of an elite few in control. It disregards the will of the whole, for the desires of a few. You just don’t do that with an organization. Its the union members hard-earned dollars that should only be spent on things the majority feels is the best use of their money.

The same applies to the SBC, in my opinion. We have no business in the world of politics. We need to stay out of it as a denomination and let individuals focus on the issues most important to them as individuals. This is a problem I have with religion in politics in general.

In specific, however, I understand that we all bring our values and convictions into the voting booth and into our own campaigning, be it in the public arena or in the private campaigning we do in our conversations and debates with friends, co-workers and brothers and sisters in Christ. I have no problem with a person who is a Christian forming a lobby group of some kind to push for/against an issue that is of utmost importance to them.

But I have a huge problem with organizations that label themselves Christian and call their stance the "Christian" stance. It sets up the unavoidable impression (sometimes blatantly stated) that any other stance is decidedly UN-Christian.

That’s wrong.  Even when it comes to — hang on to your hats and glasses! — abortion, gay marriage and evolution vs. creationism taught in public schools. Who are we to tell other brothers and sisters in Christ how to vote, who to vote for, what to vote for and what to believe??? Who are we to judge them UNChristian when they don’t agree with us?? Nuh-uh, no. That’s wrong. We have no right to do so.

Lauren says in her on-line chat:

"In my reporting, I found that most people I spoke to would like to replace public schools with Christian schools, our government with a Christian government–the entire secular culture with a Christian culture. Not to seem overly alarmist here — though I think it’s important to sound an alarm these days — I did not write that sentence [of Christian conservatives as an army that ‘aims to destroy everything that it is not’] as a metaphor. I meant it literally. If I had met people who are content to live as Christians in a secular culture, without needing to change and shape institutions and individuals, I would not see it this way. But, simply, that’s what I found."

And earlier on she says,

There is almost no awareness amongst this group — which I call the Disciple Generation — that Evangelical liberals exist.

She also said,

"The politics of this Christain movement are of a very different stripe, and distinctly aligned–against gay marriage, abortion, and evolution in public schools. As long as a candidate is unflappable on those few issues, many people I’ve met have told me they need to look no further into a platform or voting record. They would tell you their politics and religion are one and the same–that there is no politics and there is no religion, there’s only faith."

Again, I am convinced that our faith, our relationship with Jesus, informs our politics. But I do not see the two "as one and the same." This, to me, is a symptom of the confusion the "religious right" and the Jerry Falwells of our time have created in the church. To not even be aware that someone could be Christian, be a follower of Christ and a liberal, says to me that there is a huge disconnect somewhere; and it says that we must all fit a cookie-cutter definition of Christianity or find ourselves discarded and marginalized by our own brothers and sisters in Christ. It all makes me sick to my soul. It is not at all how I see Jesus living His life. He was not concerned with the politics of His day; He was completely wrapped up in the people.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that God desires us to take a stand against the things in society which we find immoral and repugnant. Slavery, for example. Thank God for those who had the courage and tenacity to stand up in the public arena against it.

Yet do you also remember how many used the Bible and Jesus as their defense OF slavery?

This is the problem with using Jesus as a political weapon, rather than a social healing balm. And this is what I see in our culture of "conservative Christianity" today.  Jesus has become a political weapon rather than the Redeeming Grace of the soul.

I understand the zeal to have a "Christian government" "Christian schools" and a "Christian culture", in that we desire to bring righteousness into every aspect of our lives, especially those areas that we deem most important, like education and our nation’s governing bodies. However, I must agree with Lauren Sandler that the drive to replace the current systems with Christianized ones is very alarming. Because it is misdirected zeal. This was never Jesus’ mandate to His Church. Jesus never told us to go out and Christianize our world. Does that mean we are not to have an impact, or make a difference in our world? May it never be!

However, it needs to be said, and said and said again, that making an impact on our world and "Christianizing" it are two vastly different things. And I think we bring great harm to the Church and to Jesus’ name when we fight to do the latter rather than the former.

I think that this can be seen in how Jesus is now viewed by unbelievers, as well as the general reputation Christianity now has in America. And perhaps even throughout the world because of America (though not all of that is the fault of the American church).  So often we Christians are viewed by our society as "idiots," as one questioner/commenter on the chat from Eastern Market Washington, DC called us, or as those "crazy Christians" (to borrow a sketch title from "Studio 60…"). Could it possibly be because we take positions, politically, that tell the world we would rather force our religion on them than meet them where they’re at, accept them and love them for who they are right now? Is that really who Jesus is? Is that really what we want them to believe following Jesus is truly about, forcing our beliefs on an unbelieving world?

Why are we so hell-bent (if you’ll forgive the metaphor) on denying nonbelievers the rights that legal marriage would bring — things like spousal health care coverage, next of kin notices, etc? Come on, do we really believe that this will eliminate homosexuality in America? Do we really think that by declaring marriage to be only between a man and a woman that we will eliminate same-sex unions, and perhaps bring all who struggle with homosexuality to Jesus? Come on, let’s be real. It does nothing more than create another wall, another barrier for the Gospel; another barrier that keeps the Gospel from being heard by a significant group of people.

Forcing nonbelievers to live like they were believers may seem "morally righteous" but, in truth, it’s cruel. They have neither the understanding nor the power of the Holy Spirit with which to overcome the enemy and live in freedom under the standards God sets for us, His followers. God never forces nonbelievers to live by the same standards as His people. Rather, He calls His people to live by standards that would cause the world around them to stand up and take notice, in order that HE might have the glory and honor when His people are able to point to Him as the source of the ability to live by such freedom, grace, hope and love.

I am convinced that we can still lovingly address the reality that homosexuality is a sin while at the same time not barring homosexual marriage in our society. No, its not perfect. No, same-sex marriage is not God’s best. But how in the world can we expect the world to live as God commands us to live when we cannot even live that way without the power of Jesus?? When are we going to wake up and realize America is not a nation of Christ-followers. We are not a Christian nation. We are Christianized; and with a brand of Christianity that is more cultural than Biblical.

My heart breaks that we are passing along our syncretized Christianity to our youth. They have such an opportunity to break free of our chains and run free in the path of God’s commands (Palm 119:32) rather than sludge through our cultural Christianity.

In all other ways, this generation has everything going for it; as Lauren says, "many of the members of this Disciple Generation I met are extremely
articulate, thoughtful, creative — they are quite astute, I believe in
many of their criticisms of the secular world as empty, consumerist,
and purposeless." I would say a loud, "that’s right!" to her declaration.

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Dilemma – What Do I Do?

I finished up wrapping the sound equipment for the Chapel service this morning and wandered with my co-techie to the tech room to chat with the other media servants. We joked about how Pastor Rick always pronounces issues "ishuhs," which as far as anyone can tell is a personal quirk not a Southern-ism. As we joked about my own personal "language barrier" with Southern-speak — I cannot
understand some words to save my life! — I got to thinking about Erwin’s
love of mispronunciation and creating new words and we all laughed at
how every person has their own "ishuhs" with the English language.
Thinking about Erwin, however, gave me a craving to hear one of the
Mosaic podcasts.

We had enough camera operators for second service and I didn’t feel like clumping upstairs to watch one of the guys run the board for our webcast recording. Nor did I see any of the people from the singles group I sometimes sit with during second service, so I decided to head home. Rick’s sermon, while nice, was, for me, like eating baby food. So, as usual, it wasn’t something I desired to sit through a second time. It was on how to "witness", as they say in the Bible belt, by just telling your story; what is the before and after of your life with and without Jesus. It was like being a college student sitting in Kindergarten and being taught how to make big, two-line letters all over again. Valuable to five year-olds but boring to the college student.

I didn’t realize how boring until I got in the car and decided to listen in Erwin’s most recent podcast on my iPod on the way home.

Man, do I miss sitting under him and hearing him speak each Sunday morning! I really, really miss it. I would often go to all three services (serve in two — well, when two were at the same venue — and just attend one) just so I could hear it again and wring all the God-stuff out of it I could.  I was acutely aware all the way home this morning of how much I missed hearing him every Sunday. I drove much slower than normal and sat in the driveway for a while just so I could continue listening without interruption. I just soaked it all in, drank it in really — like I’d just spent days in the hot desert without any water. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was.

I love the people I serve with at TPC. I really do. They are great people, fun to be with, hard working, God-honoring, loving, compassionate die-hard servants and followers of Jesus. And I like our pastor. Rick seems to be a good man, a godly man. And my heart resonates with his vision to lead TPC to be a place where people are truly consumed with the passion and mission of Jesus, rather than just attending church each week because "that’s what we here in the South do on Sunday mornings." He longs to create community — much like community that Mosaic experiences every week.

But the thing is, I generally get nothing out of the service. Just as I didn’t get anything out of Rick’s sermon today, I generally leave church not having gotten anything new or feeling as if God has touched me or talked to me through Rick at all. In other words, I leave hungry. It’s not that Rick’s teaching is bad or that he doesn’t use Scripture. I just don’t get anything out of it. I don’t walk away with any nugget of truth on which to chew during the week; something, anything that sparks my imagination and draws me to investigate on my own further during the week.

I realize that Rick has to approach his teaching this way right now. Most people I’ve met in our church, and, really, in the Nashville area in general, really don’t get the concept of church as a true community of followers of Jesus. People who are truly passionate about following Him no matter where He leads, people who have a true, growing, deepening intimate relationship with Him.

Oh, they know the words. "Personal Lord", "personal relationship" yada-yada-yada… But they’ve never actually experienced a deep connection with God, an on-going conversation with Him. Heck, I think if most of the people around here actually heard God’s speak to them they’d think they were going insane. They’d probably wig out completely and start begging for meds. Most don’t really believe that God talks to them in the same way we talk with our friends. That He longs to talk with us, to have us include Him in our conversations and, yeah, in our prayers. To them, prayer is one way — even though they, again, know the lingo that "prayer is a two-way street". Most think the only way God speaks to His Church today is through the Bible. Period.

Most also don’t see evangelism and discipleship as synonymous and a way of life. Evangelism is that thing you do at Monday night visitation. And that thing other people are gifted and called to do. People like Billy and Franklin Graham. And discipleship is that Paul-Timothy thing that they always want to participate in as long as they get to be the "Timothy" and don’t have to be the "Paul". God forbid they should step into a "leadership" role!

Most don’t realize that Jesus didn’t say, "go and pass out tracts to the poor in East Nashville or at the local video store." Or "go and convert your co-workers during a one-time lunch when they are hurting and really just needing a shoulder to cry on." And none realize that he didn’t say, "go and evangelize if you’ve been given the gift to do so, otherwise leave it to someone else — better yet, the pastor — to do that kind of thing on Monday night visitation."

No, they don’t realize what Jesus actually said was, "go and make disciples…." It’s called the Great Commandment because it’s not a suggestion. Nor is it a call to a select few to "evangelize". It’s a command to all of us to make disciples of every person in our lives.

The thing is, we do it naturally. We are either a disciple of or discipling every person in our lives. Which one depends on us and whom we are influenced by and whom we influence. — Those we are influenced by are discipling us , our "Pauls" to use church language. Those we influence are our disciples. — Few people recognize that we are always both leading and following. And fewer still take responsibility for the outcome in the end.

And then there’s the "ishuh" of real community. Community that comes out of bonding, out of a shared unity in the servanthood of Christ and in the baring of our souls to each other. The kind of community that can only be forged in a small group. Not a Sunday school class or a Wednesday night Bible study. But a small, group of 10 or less meeting each and every week, who are committed to being real even when it’s embarrassing or painful. That kind of transparency is very risky. And it’s a risk most church-going Bible belt Southerners aren’t willing to take.

I think this is because church is the mask they wear to convince themselves and the world around them that, really, they’re just fine. They’re okay. Its you that’s messed up. To open up in a small group, to be transparent to eight other people, would mean taking off the church-mask and admitting that their world isn’t the perfect world the Church has told them, from the time they were crawling around the church nursery, that it would be, that it "should" be, if they are really "living in God’s will."

‘Cause really, think about it a minute. Isn’t that the message the church has sold us on since we were in diapers? That if we will just "trust and obey" God, He will take away all our suffering, all our hardship, all our pain, all our misfortune, all our struggles, all our bad feelings, all our bad thoughts, all our temptations, and we will never have these things again. As long as we fully submit ourselves to God, He will take care of us and give us joy and peace and happiness and health and wealth and all "the desires of our heart." And when all our pain and hardship and misfortune and suffering and struggles and bad feelings and bad thoughts and temptations don’t disappear, we become convinced its because we aren’t submitted or surrendered enough, we aren’t trusting enough, we aren’t obeying enough. It’s our fault that we don’t have joy and happiness and health and wealth and all the desires of our heart.

For if it isn’t our fault, then it must be God’s — and we cannot bear to think that God hasn’t shown up. Because if God doesn’t show up, then we’ve wasted our whole lives worshiping and serving and striving to please a worthless God; a God who doesn’t even care about us enough to show up when we submit and surrender and trust and obey. No, it must be our fault. So we strive harder, we surrender more, we try to convince ourselves to trust more and we obey every law we can find. And when we can’t find any more laws to obey, we make new ones up. Only to have our own failure bite us in the butt yet again. Its no wonder people here don’t want to have true community. Who would want to take of their mask and risk exposure as an utter failure in this "perfect" Christian life to your fellow church-goers?? Especially when it seems as simple as "just trust and obey."

So Rick needs to be teaching what he is teaching. And he needs to be approaching it the way he is. Because the majority of our church wouldn’t get it otherwise — and probably doesn’t get it even yet. He and the Holy Spirit have years, lifetimes, of ingrained bad teaching, lies and deceptions from the enemy of our souls, and fear of exposure as failures to undo. And it could take the rest of Rick’s lifetime to undo it.

I get that. I understand it. But at the risk of sounding incredibly selfish and self-centered….

What about me?

Where do I fit in with all of this? I’ve been at this church over a year and still have yet to form any significant relationships. Oh, I’ve got a couple of relationships with potential to go deep, I think. But the opportunities to do so have been very slim, and mostly one-sided in the attempts (as in mine). Again, I’m faced with that wall of fear that others have of being known. I know what that fear is like. I went through it myself. I used to be like the people I see here. I used to be them. But that was, gosh, over 14 years ago now. And while I know their struggle and I struggle with my own fears of being known, and I empathize with their dilemma, I have one of my own. One that is growing stronger every day and stood up this morning and chewed me out.

I want to be known more than I fear it. I want community more than I fear intimacy. I want to be challenged more than I want to be "fed". I want to follow Jesus no matter the cost more than I fear where He might take me. And I want a community of people to journey with in life here in Nashville that share my passion for Jesus and my longings for community and challenge more than I want to shuffle alongside people who still think Church is a fortress from the "world", rather than the shelter and refuge FOR the world’s most broken, twisted and shattered that it is and was always meant to be. I want a community who desires to pursue Jesus with full-out passion. I want it so bad it hurts. I haven’t had it since I left LA.

And I want strong teaching. I want powerful teaching. I want gut-wrenching, soul-searching, deep-thinking, research-compelling teaching that pushes me to search the Bible on my own for the deeper aspects of the topic, that addresses the controversies of today and challenges me to find the answers in Scripture, to seek out God’s opinion from Him and to dialog with Him on issues the Bible doesn’t "seem" to address. I want to be challenged on Sunday with meaty issues, not fed from the baby-food table of Christianity. That’s what I got each Sunday from Erwin: A challenge from God and a week’s worth of Scripture to dive into and sift through with Jesus to help me meet that challenge.

Is it selfish that I’m starving for this? Is it selfish that I want to find a more like-minded, more mature community with more mature teaching? If I left, would I be leaving a community who really needs me for a community who perhaps doesn’t need me as much?

See, this is why I didn’t want to move away from LA. I admit it. I am selfish. I miss Mosaic. I miss my home and my community. And I miss the solid, meaty no-holds-barred teaching. I miss the frank talk and the friends who continually challenged me to not only live up to what I had already learned, but to be continually learning more. I miss all that and I want to find it again. Because I don’t have it at my current church.

What do I do?

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My Little Attempt To Change The World

Publix1 So I’m in Publix last night for my weekly grocery shopping when I hear the familiar line, "paper or plastic."

It always amuses me to hear this and watch the face of the checker or bagger asking. They automatically expect to hear plastic. So much so that it always takes them a moment to realize I’ve said "paper please."

Last night was no exception. In fact, they so expect shoppers to say plastic, that the paper bags are hidden behind the plastic bag loader and under the counter. It took a little work for the bagger to bring out the three or so bags needed for my load. And his expression was rather priceless as well. He was quite put out that he had to go digging for the seldom used bags and had no qualms showing it in his demeanor.

Not only that, but he had no idea how to pack groceries into one. He put my gallon of milk on the bottom, packed the bag with several items then topped it off with my loaf of wheat bread. Huh1

Milk and bread in the same bag? Never saw that before.

So what’s the deal with the plastic bags anyway? Why do stores seem to push them on us, when everything else in our lives is so focused on "recycling" and taking care of the environment? And why do they even bother to ask the double-P question when they already so assume the consumer will go for the plastic that they’ve placed the paper bags in inconvenient places for their baggers and don’t even train said baggers in how to properly pack a paper bag?

Oh, and I know what you’re asking me in the privacy of your own web-world as well… why in the world to you take bulky hard-to-hold paper bags over the ease of plastic bags with their handy-dandy little handles?

I’ll tell you why. India. China. Ethiopia. Tijuana. Ensenada. That’s why.

One of the longest lasting images I have of these places is the ubiquitous presence of plastic bags, smashed in the gutters, clinging to fences and Plastic_bags_in_the_bushes_2 walls, wafting in the breezes and filling up the trash heaps. These pervasive and familiar contraptions don’t ever seem to die. They live on in countries and regions too poor to afford clean up crews and overflow garbage piles all over the world. I can’t tell you how often I saw these bags flying through the air or clutching to local vegetation as if sucking the life out of it. In Ethiopia it sometimes seemed that the plastic bag was "grown" along side the tumble weeds and tall grasses.

With each new siting I swore I would never use another plastic bag again in my life. But reality is such a different creature than our ideals. Once back in the States (or in European life), however, I eventually found myself clutching   my own little life-sucker as I left my local Walgreen’s or Kroger. The pull of ease and convenience was much stronger than my desire to rid the world of the evil plastic bag. That is, until recently.

Something snapped in me a couple of months ago. I don’t know what it was — perhaps I just finally found my own strength of will (and character?). But I came to the firm conclusion that I no longer have to contribute to the world’s supply of un-recycled plastic bag trash. Every time I’d walk out of the store carrying my plastic bag full of goodies my joy was diminished by the images in my mind of that same plastic bag someday littering the African landscape and diminishing the beauty and grandeur by its very existence. It finally got to much for me to bear. And I decided it is time to take a stand. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem to others. I needed to do something. I needed to do something. So I asked for my first paper bags since I was in high school.

I sounded as if I was asking a huge favor from the checker.

"Paper or Plastic, ma’am?" Even the baggers are polite in the South.

"Uh… paper… please?" Did I actually squeak when I said that??

Oh, but I felt so very good when I left with my paper bags full of groceries. I’d just kept four plastic bags out of circulation. Ethiopia would be a little less in danger of being overrun with those evil life-suckers now.

With each trip to the grocery store it got a little easier, and I got a little more confident in my "paper" declaration. Till one day I found myself anticipating the question and stating, "paper bags please," before the checker even had time to ask.

It also helped that I discovered the self-checkout lines. Except for the fact that they make it even more difficult to use paper bags in those lines. Have you ever tried to bag your groceries with paper while keeping them on that little pad so the machine doesn’t loudly proclaim, for all the store to hear, "Please put the item back in the bag," while at the same time not toppling over and crashing to the floor spilling jam and spaghetti sauce all over the you and the three people at the next two stations? It ain’t easy. But I make it work. Because it matters to me.

Eventually I hope to gather some cotton totes to carry into stores with me, but for now, paper is good. it works whether I recycle, or send it to the land fill. At least it will turn back to pulp/dust many decades sooner than plastic will…. do whatever it is that plastic does when it finally fades away… Does it fade away???

Fullsize1I cannot save the world from hate or war. I may not even be able to clean up our planet and rid it of all garbage and air pollutants. But I can do one thing:

I can lessen the world’s trash by a few bags and, hopefully, help keep it a little cleaner for the next generation. My paper bags may cause inconvenience for the checkers and baggers of America. But if I can help keep Ethiopia from being completely overrun by plastic bags, even in a small way, than it’s worth all the rolled eyes and cranky attitudes I get.

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Only God Can Do This

Drawn_hisham_zreiq
Wade Burleson has a wonderful blog that, if you haven’t checked it out yet, you need to read. Today he had a very thought-provoking post about the tension between mission and military success.

"It bothers me that I am not bothered by the death of by the Islamic fantatics [sic]. I wonder if we in the Christian West are in danger of becoming just like the Muslims in the East."

That statement resonated deep within me. I think sometimes people think I’m either a rabid military fanatic because of my support for them and what they are trying to do in places like Iraq and Afghanistan, or they think I’m a weepy wimp for my grieving over the lives lost in the wars and conflicts going on right now. I sometimes confuse myself for all the emotions running around inside me. There is definitely a tension between the side of me that cries out for justice (and perhaps revenge?) for what the terrorists do and the side of me that just cries out for the lives taken in any military action, including those of the terrorists.

I wasn’t always this conflicted, this emotionally wacky, when it comes to the people of the Arab world. There was a time when it evoked only one emotion. But to explain, I need to start in the middle.

God asked me to go to NAME the spring before 9/11. It was a bit of a shock to me, as I’d spent most of my time in China or Japan and was actually on a 4-month assignment in India when He asked — I mean, if God’s going to send me overseas, I just assumed it would be one of the countries and peoples He’d already planted in my heart. But God’s ways are just a little different than mine….

Anyway, I thought little of His place of choice, other than the oddness of where it was not, until the weekend after the towers fell in 2001.

I remember that as I watched the twin towers fall and the fires in the Pentagon rage something deep within my soul cried out, "Father forgive them! They don’t know what they are doing." I kept repeating that all day long. And my heart grieved not only for the people in the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and all their families, but also for the pilots of the planes. They had started the morning thinking they were going to enter Paradise, and be celebrated as heroes. They ended it stepping before Almighty God and being found guilty of grievous sins and not allowed into Paradise for all eternity.

I grieved for what they had done unknowingly yet purposefully.

That weekend however, a great rage grew in my heart. And that Sunday night I sat at Urban listening to Erwin talk about the week’s events and reading from Isaiah 6, and hearing God whisper to me, "will you go? I want you to go to them," and my heart burned with rage and my face burned with tears. An absolute rage and built inside me early in the weekend and came bursting forth like a roaring wildfire in the dry hills of Malibu in October, just consuming everything in its sight. And the tears flowed as I realized just how much hatred had grown in my heart for a people I’d never even met. In my teen years I watched "America Held Hostage" (it later became "Nightline") night after night. I watched Iranians burn American flags and effigies of my President(s) and scream about the infidel Americans and how awful we were and how we must be wiped off the face of the earth. Since that time I’d harbored a deep, deep anger, even hatred, for Arabs in general and Muslims in specific, and I didn’t even know it. Until that Sunday in September 2001.

And on that same night, I heart God whisper to me, "will you go? I want you to go."

Why in the world was God calling me to NAME?? Why was He calling me to be His advocate, His ambassador, His intercessor, for these hateful, hateful people? My mind was consumed with pictures of them as ugly, mean and… hateful… people. And I hated them. I’d never known that about myself till the weekend after 9/11. But it was true down to the core of my being. I hated them, with a passion, and did not want to share Jesus with them at all. And yet here is God asking me to go to them and share the Gospel with them??? Did He not realize what was in my heart? —- Though I didn’t think of the similarities at the time, as I type this now it conjures up images of Jonah, and the shock and confusion he must felt when God asked Him to go to Nineveh.

I struggled and struggled with my anger and hatred — I couldn’t believe I had such a ugly feelings for people I’d never met. I’d never felt that way before. Never realized I was even capable of such deep hatred.

And I fought with God over His "wisdom" in asking me to go. One day He finally grabbed my face in His hands and quietly said, "who better to go than you? Than someone who for so long has hated but will someday love them as I do."

Yeah, I thought that was pretty wacked too. But it turns out… perhaps He was right…

In the following months, as I prepared to go, and the year I spent in the region, God did something I never thought possible. He turned my hate into crazy love, my anger into sorrow and tears, and my questioning of His wisdom into begging Him to rain down and drench NAME with blessing upon blessing. It didn’t come all at once. It came in slow increments. But it came. I learned about the cultures. I learned about Islam. I learned about God’s love for the people. And one day I realized, I loved these people. I cared about them and I wept over them.

All I did was ask God to give me His love for them, since I had none of my own. And I said, "yes. If You want me to go, I’ll go. I think You’re crazy, but I’ll go."

I remember spending many nights in my flat in Cyprus on my knees crying out to God to "let it rain on NAME," on all its peoples; to open the floodgates of heaven and drench them with His love and grace and mercy; to wrap them in His arms and whisper His love and His Truth to them; the Truth of who they really are, the people He sees them as, not the people the enemy has tricked them into believing they are. My heart ached and burned with passion, with love, for the people I once hated.

Only God can do that.

Even though I no longer serve that region as a paid advocate (missionary), I still serve them through my prayers, and through my conversations with people about the region and its people; the beauty not only of the land, but of all its peoples with all their diversity of cultures and religions. I guess you could kind of say I left part of my heart in Northern Africa and the Middle East, and God planted NAME deep within the rest of my heart still in me.

I used to not have any problem with killing terrorists. Now, even though I realize that sometimes their deaths are necessary for the safety of thousands, my heart grieves every time one dies.

Isn’t that weird? And yet kinda cool at the same time.

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Why Nashville? Why London

It seems I started a fun little trend with my last post. I guess we are all just looking for the place where we truly belong. The place we really fit it, with our true selves, not the people we pretend to be — whether purposefully or not — or the people we wish we were. But who we are, really, under all the masks we’ve learned to wear through pain we’ve experienced in baring the Truth of our souls.

The question that’s dug at my mind as I’ve watched the flurry of comments at Alex & Niza’s place is why London? Or for that matter, why Nashville? Why not where I was, my home, LA, where all my friends and my community and my passions were? Why do I feel compelled to move, and move, and move again?

I could point to the fact that I spent the whole of my childhood doing just that. I moved every two to four years until I was in high school. I think I’m the only one of my siblings to graduate from the same high school I started. I went to four different elementary schools, three different ones in fourth, fifth and sixth grades respectively. Two different junior high/middle schools round out my edumacation — I moved from Northern California to Southern California two months before 8th grade graduation.

My sister and I often joke with each other about how we don’t have a "seven-year itch", we get the "three-to-four-year itch." An itch to move. Not so much move to a different city. Usually a move across town or to a different house will do just as well. When the move doesn’t happen, well, we get itchy. And just like a mosquito bite, we’re not satisfied till we get a good scratchin’ move done.

However, After having spent most of 2001 in one country, most of 2002 and 2003 in another and then the rest of 2003 homeless and carting luggage from one friend’s home to another till I found a place to park, I was ready for a very long stay in one place. My moving itch had been scratched raw.

But God — gotta love God’s buts — But God, in His infinitely confusing and crazy love, had other designs on my life. He made sure I wasn’t content in LA. Oh, I had my friends. I had my cherished home church again. I had my beloved City of Angels and Adventure. But I had no peace. I no longer "belonged". Like a puzzle piece that’s the same color but not the same cut I just didn’t "fit" anymore. And everyone close to me seemed to know it. My Life Group, the God-send of my life, the first time I’d found such an eclectic group of people who really did just fit like family, a Mosaic version of "Cheers" where everyone knew my name, in that soul sense of the phrase, they all knew I was restless in my spirit, that I wasn’t in the right place, though none of them wanted me to go.

All my relationships and yet no "belonging". I thought that was what belonging was all about, relationships?

God moved me to Nashville. Here I struggle with relationships. I’m not used to the Church Belt culture of everyone going to church yet so few being followers of Jesus, or the shallowness of spirituality or interest in spirituality.

Yet I Belong. Every fiber in my being shouts that this place was made for me — or I was made for it. I’m not sure which. Even when things have been screamingly painful, I loved Nashville. I never had a thought of abandoning it. I knew beyond knowing that I belong here.

It was the same with London. A very, very hard year came to a joyful and fulfilling end with my visit to that amazing city of lights. Even when every train I took was delayed and kept me from seeing most of the sites I’d planned, and my umbrella broke into three pieces as I emerged from my first underground stop, leaving me drenched in the constant rain of the day, I still danced under Big Ben’s resounding chimes and shouted praise to my Jesus for such creating such an incredible city. I belonged there. With everything in me I knew it. I belonged there.

I cannot define what it was, exactly, about London. I just felt like I was home. Finally home. It was one of the greatest Christmas gifts God has ever given me. Our time there, His and mine, was magical.

Just like Nashville. Magic. Magical cities. Where I belong. Inextricably, inexplicably, undeniably Belong. I am home.

So why? Why Nashville? Why London? My heart wants to say God created them just for me. Why not? He once told me He created the stars and flung them into space just because He knew I would spend my life staring up at them in awe and wonder.

I know life with Jesus is about more than just belonging. There is a mission He longs for me to accomplish. But I’ve found that mission is a lot easier to live out in the hardest of hard times when I am enchanted with the world around me; when I know I belong there, that I fit in not just in color but in shape.

Does that make sense?

What do you think? Do you Belong in your city?

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Remembering Why

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” — Greeting to All, Statue of Liberty

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will
give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” — Invitation to All, Jesus

HT: Joe Kennedy

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Where is Jesus?

I’m inquisitive by nature. I’ve been known to spend the afternoon watching an ant hill prepare to swarm, a spider spin its web and fireflies make their magic in the evening warmth. So naturally I follow the links on blogs I frequent. And I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.

A few weeks ago my friend, Joe (whom I discovered through a link on Alex’s blog), posted that he was done blogging about the goings-on in the SBC. Its through his blog I came upon a plethora of blogs of SBC pastor-types and I gotta tell ya, I’m with Joe on this. I’ve not blogged on the issues and politics and power and control crap I’ve seen because it just makes me nauseated to even think about it. But I feel compelled to say something here about what I’m seeing in these pastor-types blogs of late.

I’ve noticed that of all the many things they discuss, and there is no derth of topics, there is something very conspicuously missing:

Jesus.

Even Alex, bless his soul, spends more time talking about "the mystic" or church-planting philosophy than on what God is teaching him right now, or what passionate discussions He and Jesus are locked into currently.

Why is that? Why is it that we are so bent on discussing every spiritual topic known to man except what God is teaching us, working in us, stirring in us right now? As I followed the umpteen-millionth link and read the umpteen-millionth blog, I wondered, where is Jesus in all this?

I’m not saying that every post needs to be "And the Laaahwrd said to me…" (in booming baritone voice). But it would be nice to read posts that are much more personal and Jesus-oriented than what I see on the pastor-type blogs today.

One blogger carries on about landmark-ism. Another rails against the new nominee for SBC president, several others give reports on the latest church-planting conference or missional conference of some sort, still another gives a review of the latest controversial film, tv show or book.

But what did Jesus teach them through these things? Where is He in all of this?

What an opportunity a blog is! People read this space that I will probably never meet this side of the Veil. We have one opportunity to grab their attention and give them a word of Hope before they click on another link and move on. Shouldn’t what we post about somehow point to Jesus?

I’m not saying that every word of our blogs ought to be all scriptural and "religious". That turns people off just as much as if we hit them on over the head with our biggest hard-back Bibles. But what I am saying, what I am convinced of, is that what we are passionate about is revealed in what we write. Our passions will inevitably infiltrate and permeate every post we write. If your passion is church-planting, then that’s what will permeate your posts. If its politics — whether in the secular or denominational realm — it will permeate your blog.

What are our blogs, our daily/weekly/monthly posts, saying about our passions? What does our writing reveal about our true passions?

And where is Jesus?

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Being the Beloved

I’m reading an amazing little book right now called "the Life of the Beloved" (see sidebar under "Currently Reading"). You simply must read this book! The first point of the book is that we, yes, WE my dear friends, are the Beloved of God. He calls us His Beloved, in whom He is well pleased. I know. This is something I’ve written about here before. BUT the cool thing is, here’s this reknown writer saying the very same thing that Jesus has been saying to me over and over and over for several years now. It’s feels soooo good to get confirmation from such an outside source that I truly am hearing the voice of my Beloved, and not believing a faery tale.

This truth is written all through the Bible, but so often we fail to read those passages, choosing instead to focus on what we think is required of us to "become" lovely and lovable.

God whispers it to us in the Psalms, in Isaiah, even Jeremiah The Depressing reminds us of God’s words to His people, "I’ve never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!" (Jer 31:3 The Message) He screams it from the highest mountains through Jesus’ death and speaks it to our hearts with every sunset, every thunderstorm, rain drop and cloudless day.

In Ephesians Paul reminds us, "Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son." (Eph 1:4-6)

You and I, my dear friends, we ARE the Beloved of God. He revels in us every moment of every day. He sings our praises and dances with joy at the very thought of us. We bring Him deep and overflowing pleasure He delights in us.

So why do we have such a hard time delighting in ourselves?

Oh, the lies the enemy speaks to our souls! The lies we’ve heard from the moment we came out of the womb — perhaps even earlier — that we are not pretty enough, not good enough, not talented enough, not worthy of such unfailing love.

I believed those lies all my life. They shaped my opinion of myself and molded me into someone I was not meant to be; someone ashamed and unbelieving of my own beauty, my own loveliness.

But freedom has come. I am being untangled more each day from the chains that kept me locked in those lies. God speaks so freely and powerfully, each day. He speaks to me of His love. Each day He dances and sings, "You are my Beloved Daughter. In you I am well pleased! I made you and formed you; I called you by name long before you ever knew you had one. You are Mine. You are My Beloved. And I celebrate you every single moment of every single day."

I want this truth to so invade my soul that it infects every aspect of my life, however small. Think of how that will change how I live! It already is. Slowly, but surely, it is changing how I see everything, react to everything, how I move and breath and respond and live.

We are blessed, my friends. We are so blessed. God, the creator and sustainer of the whole universe, calls us His Beloved. He is pleased with us. No matter where we are right now, or what we have done — or are doing even at this moment. He loves us completely.