Category Archives: Living The Dream

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Beauty In The Tumult

A great thunderstorm is sliding through Hendersonville as I type.The rain is pounding hard on the roof. Just a moment ago one lightning bolt struck so close we lost power for a moment. Cool. šŸ™‚

I love thunderstorms! I love everything about them. The sounds of thunder and rain. The flickers of the lightning — especially at night when they light up the whole sky. The smell of the earth after a good rain. Here in Tennessee often after a rain a mist will rise off the rivers, lakes and ponds. It’s so beautiful!

Isn’t it amazing how something so tumultuous as a thunderstorm can bring such beauty into life?

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Square Peg, Round Hole

I don’t fit in here. I don’t know where I do fit. I wish I did.

Last night we had our second “Gathering” in Centenial Park. Most of the team was there… minus the Shanklin’s, who’ve gone back to Indiana to pack, Tim who’s in Indiana working on a plan to come back — and Jared and Noni, whom I’m hoping and praying real hard will come out. So, okay, not everyone was there. But most of us were. And we had two other girls and two new guys.

I tried to fit in, I really did. But I’m not in college, like the girls and one of the guys, or working with college kids, like Mike and his roommates. I’m not an artist, or in any form “artsy” like Brian, Josh, Tim, Jared, Noni and Jamie. Nor am I a mom, like Dawn and Elizabeth. And I’m certianly not the extrovert people magnet Jamie is. Where do I fit? Where do I find people like me here in Nashville? Older, single, no kids, with a career goal of following Jesus no matter the cost…?

I cried most of the way home. I miss my life group in LA. I miss Cassie, and her enveloping hugs. I miss Debbie, and the depth of her spirit. I miss Wendy and the depth of her love. Her heart is such rich soil! I miss Kat. I just miss all of Kat! šŸ™‚ I miss Ron and Leticia… and… just getting lost in Mosaic. In the worship, in the atmosphere… I miss being anonymous in my comfort zone. I can be anonymous here, but it just ain’t anywhere near my comfort zone — and if you’ve ever been to a “southern” church and also to Mosaic, you understand what I mean!

Here there’s no where to hide. Not in Mosaic, anyway. But yet, even though I stand in the light exposed, I can’t find the little hole labeled “Lu’s hole”. I’m too square to fit in the round artsy holes where the rest of the team resides, and too round to fit in the square holes where the churches here all reside.

I feel like I’m back in high school, sitting on the theatre steps, wishing I was either cool enough to fit in with the hip crowd, or funky enough to fit in with actors and other artists, rather than sitting there alone in all my weirdness eating my pb&j….

No matter how far we get from graduation, we always end up back at the lunch tables. Weird.

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5th Gear or Park

My friend Jamie, as he says, lives life in either 5th gear or park. He’s either all the way in, or all the way out; going full throttle, or at a dead standstill.

That kinda describes me right now too. Except that I can go from 5th gear to park in 3 seconds flat.

For example, yesterday I was in 5th gear. Going full throttle, from apartment complex to apartment complex looking for a place to live and meeting new people along the way. Then had dinner with new friends (thanks, Spence, for the connection! Shayne and Michelle are waayyy cool!!), and went home to study the apartment guides and my map some more (oh, yeah, and see the Dodger whup the Braves. Go Dodger Blue!). I only turned the lights out and surrendered to sleep when the apartment guide smacked me in the face ’cause I’d fallen asleep reading it.

Today, I’m in park. And I can’t think of a single way to get out of it. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I got up late…. well, late for Casa de Ferguson – this family is a crazy group of early risers! Me, I’d rather stay in bed till 11am, maybe even noon, and then stay up till the sun rises again… ah, the pull of the Bohemian life is strong, and my heart and will are weak….

At any rate, here I sit, still up in Hendersonville, when I should be down near Brentwood or Bellevue scouting affordable housing. How does one kick one’s self in the a–… um… butt… to get it in gear? Especially when one’s legs aren’t all that long to begin with. And, while I’m still quite flexible, I’m not nearly as much so as I was in high school, when I worked out with the gymnastics team.

Well, now…. I guess God decided to kick me in the butt for me. I just got a call from someone who’s got a duplex I wanted to look at yesterday. Funny how He works these things out… yeah, it could just be coincidence that my phone rang just as I was writing about bein’ in park…. but there’s just no fun in thinking about it that way, is there.

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The Beginning… Sort Of

The first post of the first blog of the new adventure.

I’m sitting at Panera’s, finishing up my Chai and watching the rain pour down. It looks like God just took a full bucket and dumped on top of Nashville. Could life get more perfect?

Well, yeah, actually it could. šŸ™‚ I could have a job, that would make it more perfect. And a place to live, that would even be better…. odd how I think a place to live is better than a job, isn’t it. Guess this unemployment-just-hangin’-with-my-friends stuff is really growing on me. Ah, but alas, money makes the world go ’round… at least so think the bill collectors. So a job I must get. And soon!

John’s parents are being very gracious and allowing me to take up space in their home. But I don’t want to overstay my welcome. And I’d really like to stop living out of my suitcase and car. It’d be so nice to actually spread out my stuff and be able to leave it where it is instead of packing it back up each time I use it. Besides, I haven’t seen all my own belongings in over a year. When I finally do get to unpack it all it will feel like Christmas!

However, rent here is more than I was lead to believe. Soooo, I really need a roommate. Or a miracle. I’ll take either one.

Jobs seem to be scarce too. No one but coffee houses and retailers are hiring, and even their positions are limited. Hmmm….

Two Miracles to go, please!

On a more positive note, all this free time is giving me more time to spend with God. Most of that is still spent in pleading for His intervention for a job or apartment, or for His comfort as my heart continues to ache from the gaping hole mom and dad’s deaths have left.

However, more and more I crave to hear from Him; hear His voice calling up through His Word, or suddenly grabbing my attention with a new nugget of Truth from an often-read passage. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Digging into the Word has been a painful and fearful experience for me this past year. I don’t really know why. It’s not that I was running from God. Quite the opposite, I’ve run to Him — into His arms — and hid there most of the year. I guess it’s like when you’re sick. You don’t want to eat, you just want comfort.

Now that I’m feeling somewhat better, I’m realizing how famished I am. And I’m ready to eat. Ready for a feast. Bring it on, Jesus!