This morning is shaping up pretty good, despite the fact that it started with weird dreams and a late awakening.

My alarm went off at its usually nasty-awful time, but I was in the middle of a weird, but very intriguing dream. So I ignored it for 10 minutes. I finally got up and shut the blasted thing off, but was still only half awake and really wanted to go back to that dream. So instead of doing the intelligent thing and just getting up, I went back to bed and tried to recapture the last dream. I didn’t. I’m not that great of a mind-bender. But I did have another very intriguing but strange dream. And when I woke up? It was 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at work.

Oops.

So I raced around the apartment trying to get ready in record time. I didn’t. It took me a half hour, even with my hair now astronomically short and easy to handle (think Amanda Tapping in this cut). I’m not sure why it took me so long. I wasn’t dawdling or anything. Anyway, then I head out to my car and remember I had to park a building away because parking sucks in our complex (not that I’m bitter about it or anything). I get to my car and head toward the entrance and—there’s a huge truck blocking the intersection that leads to the main gate. The driver was busy hooking up one of those very long dumpsters (they’ve been working on our roofs and dumping all the trash in these things, which, by the way, have been taking up parking spaces—oh, don’t get me started on all the dumba** things the management of our complex does!). So I had to sit there and wait for this &*!$ driver — who, by the way, kept giving me dirty looks and major body-language attitude like I was the problem here — to get the freakin’ dumpster all hooked up and wench-hauled that sucker onto the bed of his truck before he finally moved. 5 minutes later, I finally am able to drive out of my complex.

But—-

I got to work in less time than normal (because I was so stinkin’ late I missed all the usual traffic….). Beat all odds (believe me, that’s astounding) and found an incredibly perfect parking space in the shade and very near my office building (our campus has 3 or 4 loooong buildings), so I didn’t have to hike a mile in the 3-in. heels I impulsively decided to wear today. I arrived at my cube to discover that my boss and co-workers were in a meeting, so no one yet knows just how stinkin’ late I was. And I managed to make it to the cafeteria to grab a bagel for breakfast with 3 minutes to spare before they closed.

Whew. What a morning. And it’s only 9am.

I got home around 9pm last night…. I was dead tired. Fourteen hours of driving this weekend wiped me out. Then I got a migraine on my way home yesterday. What was that about?? Ugh. I didn’t even unpack. Just collapsed on the couch and fell asleep (Immetrex and a sleeping pill work wonders!).

I started my new job today. Meeting new people and learning new routines really wear me out. I used to think I loved change. And I did crave it. I’ve been craving and praying for a change for a while. But when it comes down to it, change scares the heck out of me. And when it hits, I invariably crawl through the first few days longing for the past and wishing I hadn’t made the change.

Eventually I’ll settle in to this new routine, and when I choose to change again, I’ll again shake in fear and long for the past… till I get used to the routine and the craving for change comes again.

Ever feel like that? Like something’s off… but you’re not sure what.

I’ve felt that way all day. Perhaps it’s the wild turn our weather has taken. Two days ago it was in the mid-80s with sunny blue skies. Yesterday it was a windy 80 degrees with errant thunderstorms. Today it’s 45 degrees, blustery with spitting rain. It’s weird to have weather. Especially when it does 180s on ya.

Perhaps its they way I awoke this morning; with the taste of a strange dream in my head. Bugs crawling all over my room, brazenly jumping on my bed and on me, dead wasps in my hair (how many ways can I say, EEEEWWW!!) and forgetting my ticket and i.d. for a tour I was taking…. How can a person feel in sync with the world after that kind of greeting from the morning?

Perhaps its the rather unproductive day I had. I had a list of to-dos that didn’t get done. I went shopping but ended up putting back most of what I picked up before walking out of the stores all together. I stood in line at Blockbuster for far too long before giving up on the slow clerk taking three days to ring up one person and put the movie back. I spent the evening alternately surfing the ‘net and channeling-surfing.

Perhaps its due to the unsettling way I feel today — kind of like I’m going to get a migraine, but it hasn’t arrived yet, and kind of like I’m coming down with something but it hasn’t arrived yet either. Bleh.

Perhaps its the thoughts dancing around in my head. Thursdays are the days (right now anyway) that I talk with my counselor. Stuff always gets churned up on those days, like walking through the shallow waters of the Med — all the mud gets stirred up and the normally crystal clear water turns a mucky dark brown. It’s good for my soul, but puts my mind in a tailspin. This week was no exception. I came away with confirmation and affirmation on some things I’d learned and done last week, but also came away with new things to ponder and learn and choose to put into practice.

Or perhaps…. perhaps the answer is f) all of the above.

I hope tomorrow is better.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a freelance gig I’m working on. Collaborating with a friend to put together a book. I sat in on a meeting yesterday with a woman from a book publisher the organization currently works with. The conversation that took place got my mind spinning on this book and a myriad of other stuff that goes with it. Pieces of things I’ve read on writing book proposals and marketing trends began to make clearer sense as the meeting progressed. I was excited and busting with ideas and questions afterward. There was enough fodder in that meeting to keep me going for a week or more.

But my boss came away with a vastly different package. At least that’s the impression I got after talking with him about the meeting for a bit.

It fascinates me how two people can witness/participate in the same event and come away with two totally different takeaways and perspectives on what was accomplished. For me, the back-and-forth dialog stirred my creative juices, gave me ideas not only for the project we were talking about, but also my freelance project — and even to things beyond those. For him, well, he seemed to come away just as frustrated and concerned as when he went in. I may be reading him wrong, but that’s what I got from our brief conversation.

I wonder, am I just a weird thinker? Do I live in a dreamland while my boss lives in reality? This kind of thing happens to me enough in life that I’ve come to accept I just don’t see the world the way most people do. For a while I tried to change my view, so I could see as they see. But to no avail. Just as in a parallax lens, my view is askew.

I’ve come to accept this fact in me. But I don’t understand it. Nor do I think of it as a good/bad or right/wrong issue. It just is what it is. I know I come by it naturally. I can’t remember a time in my life where my view wasn’t askew from the rest of the world. But even so, it still blows my mind how different my view from everyone else.

Today was fun.

It started out with the discovery that I’d bought 2 conditioners of my favorite hair product, and NO shampoo, which is really what I needed this morning (luckily I keep some spare, less expensive, shampoo in the cabinet for such emergencies), and ended with the realization that I’ve probably  broken my prized Nikon camera, my baby, while trying to clean lint off the lens. It will no longer focus.

In between those two lovely discoveries, I
found out I’d gained another pound and a half, even though I’ve been eating half what I did two weeks ago,
realized too late I was kneeling on a trail of ants on their way to food and thus became part of the trail they traversed, and was mistaken for the food (done in an attempt to get a good shot of Nashville in spring)
realized too late I’d kneeled in a small pile of mud and straw and now had both nicely mushed into my black pants (also done in an attempt to get a good shot)
got to work later than I planned because I was so distracted getting the aforementioned pictures
…oh, I could go on, but why bother.

Sometimes life just doesn’t go well. And today it really didn’t go well.

Quickly grabbing a little wi-fi while it lasts. The neighbors seem to have caught on that their signal was so strong the whole neighborhood could log on…. it’s been very sporatic this weekend. Not that I’ve really tried all that much. Just did NOT feel like getting on the ‘net.

I’m having a great time at Nina’s! Got lots of things to write about… but, that will have to wait till I’m home.

I drive home tomorrow, so ask God for traveling safety for me as I make the 7 hr trek back to Nashville.