I’m headed out of town in a few hours — flying to Charlotte for the Women of Faith conference Friday & Saturday (and the pre-conference Friday morning). I was, thankfully, able to find a great last minute deal on a flight, so I don’t have to drive the 7 hours after work (I needed to be in the office today for various reasons).

I’m very excited! I’ve watched Beth Moore’s dvds, worked through her Bible studies, read some of her books and listened on-line to her daily program for several years now. All that time I’ve wanted to see her in person, but never had the chance. Until this conference came up.

I know this is going to be a powerful weekend, full of new insight and deepening my relationship with God. I’m looking forward to being poured into for two full days and then spending Sunday digesting and meditating on what I’ve learned and experienced. It’s gonna be awesome!!

Pray that we (Nina, Cathy and I) are able to take away all that God desires us to during this weekend. (and I’ll pray the same for you!)

See you next week!

I’m sitting on my bed, finally able to connect to the internet at home. The lights are low to make the most of the lit candles scattered all over my new home, the smell of cinnamon and pine fill the air (God bless potpourri!!) and Passion worship plays on the cd.

I’m lovin’ my new place. I’m lovin’ everything about it. It’s just big enough for me and small enough to be cozy. Its between work and church, just near enough to shopping to be convenient but far enough away to avoid the noise and traffic. My commute is good. My job is good. My life is good. God is good.

Its been a long, long, hard haul the last two years. Its not over. Not by any stretch. Life happens and its in the happening, I’m learning, that Life is found. Real Life. Not existing, but really, truly living.

Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of
Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are
cut off.’  Therefore prophesy and say
to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I am going
to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back
to the land of Israel.  Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them.
I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in
your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I
have done it, declares the LORD.’ " — Ezekiel 37:11-14

If I had to name a life verse, this would be it. In 1998 God led me to this verse when I cried out to Him, desperate for I-didn’t-know-what, only knowing that I needed and begging Him to fill the need. I read the cry of Isreal and said, "Yes, Jesus! That’s me! My bones are dried up and my hope is gone!!"  I can’t tell you how many times since then my heart has cried out those same words. It seems dry bones take years upon years to heal.

But every day since that October day God has done exactly as He promised. Sometimes it’s been a joyful inhaling and exhaling of crisp clean air. Sometimes, oftentimes, its been the pain of sinew and bone knitting together. Each day I become more alive, feeling things I’ve not felt for a long time, if ever, and experiencing taste and smell and touch and spirit in unimaginable ways. And each day I become more convinced of God’s intimate, passionate, unending love for me. Together we have scaled mountains I never believed I could and endured depths I thought would kill me.

I still have so far to go.

We are just beginning a journey of healing that may take many years, may take the rest of my life. I so badly want to know how it will all turn out. I want to know so many things I do not yet know. I don’t know if I will ever know them in this life. It is frustrating. The healing process is agonizingly slow and I struggle daily to understand myself, understand the world around me and how our interactions impact the present and future based on our pasts.

Yet…. This moment, this place, this space and time right here and now, this is good. This is meditate-on-it-savor-it-suck-the-marrow-out-of-it good. Not because of my job, not because of my new home, not because of my church or my small group or my friends — though all those things don’t hurt. This moment is good because God is in it. This moment is good because He and I are together. We have proven we will stay even when life sucks so hard that I want to die, beg to die. He has proven it; I have proven it. Not to Him — I’m sure He knew I would stay with Him. I proved it to me. And I proved it to satan. Life sucked hard. I begged to die. God said no. And I stayed. I stand on the other side of that particular storm, knowing another one is upon me, and I know. I know who I am and what I’m made of.

I dance in the misty rain of my Life, drenched by God and convinced of my own resolve. The taste of Life is sweet, and fulfilling on a level no food, no person, no vice — nothing — can ever reach. I think I understand the depth of God’s contentment with each pronouncement of "it is good."

    I love you, O LORD, my strength.

       The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn ^[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.

        I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
       he drew me out of deep waters.

       He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
       from my foes, who were too strong for me.

       They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
       but the LORD was my support.

Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
       I will sing praises to your name.

–Psalm 18

California has our weather.  And we have theirs.

I discovered this last night as I watched the Weather Channel on my newly "installed" cable (the landlord is re-wiring a few things, so the cable is hanging from the attic stairwell, draped across my bedroom floor and doorway and trails on into the living room to the TV a few feet from the door; lovely).  SoCal is getting pelted with rain and chilly temps (well, chilly for them — more like autumn weather for Nashville), while we bask in 80 degree-dry-sunny Southern California weather.

I don’t know if my friends are jealous that we’re "enjoying" such great weather in Tennessee as they limp through the rain-slicked streets and freeways of LA trying to avoid the many accidents such weather inevitably brings about while not becoming involved in one themselves and still getting to work a few hours before turning around and making the trek back. Angelenos really don’t take rain well. They tend to get rather freaked out. Maybe its the fear of mud slides taking out their back yard, or the fear of the "other drivers", who are always idiots and don’t know how to drive, that will pull over in front of their speeding car and cause them to hydroplane on the 405 transition road. Maybe its the fact that no one can ever remember what they did with their umbrella the last time it rained (months ago). Or perhaps its simply because every Angeleno knows you have to leave work and hour earlier whenever it rains in order to be at work on time — which is what I believe is the real cause of rainy-day gridlock, not the fender-benders and spin-outs. Whatever it is, LA is a mass-chaos of anxiety on rainy days. With over an inch downtown yesterday, I can well imagine the Paxil and Valium ingested. I’m sure those few who’ve taken note of the Indian Summer the South is experiencing are very unhappy that the weather patterns are backwards.

But I’ll tell ya, I’d trade them for our weather back any day now. I’m sick of summer. What happened to fall???

I had so much fun watching the leaves change and bundling up in sweaters last October. I was looking forward to it. Especially with all the lingering hot weather we had through September. But someone seems determined to deny me my autumn beauty.  And its driving me nuts!

Will someone please give Nashville its Autumn back.

It took about 6 hours, one large truck, one small Toyota truck, two men and my sister, but we got everything moved into my new place Friday. YAY!!

I loooove my new home. It’s an amazing cottage/guest house on two acres surrounded by trees. The house is a lot bigger and more spacious than I’d thought, the exception being the storage. I have only one large walk in closet in which to put everything that had once occupied a small walk-in closet, a storage closet, a laundry closet and a small entry closet. Whew… that’s a lot of stuff. Thankfully there’s also a little attic space as well. But my closet is a little crowded.

All but two boxes are unpacked and two pictures have yet to be hung. Otherwise, all signs that I’ve not lived there before Friday are gone.

Nina was such a God-send!! She drove out late Thursday night/Friday morning and worked like a dog loading and unloading  my car twice and her pick-up once, cleaning my old place, hanging pictures in the new one, organizing my closet and re-organizing the kitchen. She helped me unpack boxes, throw out or give away stuff I no longer use or don’t really like, shopping for a vacuum and some small pieces of furniture, putting the furniture together and — most of all — she helped me get organized.

I think she should be on that show, "Clean Sweep". She’s be good on it. She can really crack the whip on cleaning out and throwing out, sorting and discarding and organizing. She really whipped my butt into shape. And that ain’t no easy task.

I have no internet or cable at the new place yet. So I’m at Panera having some chai, a pumkin muffin and a moment to breath before heading off to the grocery store — and perhaps Best Buy for a wireless router.

Thanks so much, everyone for the comments and good wishes for the move. All went peachy — but I’m pooped!! Cheers!

I know I’ve been quiet here lately, but my life has been anything but the last few weeks. Work has been cuh-RAY-zee. I’ve been packing up to move into my new home in Forest Hills (don’t be too jealous; its a guest house and I’m renting… but still, it’s back into a home and out of the apartment crap).  And Randy and Jon Tyson have kept my mind reeling with good, deep contemplations and meditations (Wendy, Jon knows Mike Tafoya and started telling his story during his sermon; I kept thinking, "gosh, this sounds familiar! But there are a lot of people in New York…" Isn’t it wild how that whole 6-degrees thing keeps coming around; it really is a small world!).

I’ve started several posts, only to never publish them because I was just too dang tired and wrapped up in thoughts and God-conversations to finish them.

But now it’s time for this tired girl to rest and play.

I’m going to Disneyworld!!!!

Yep, I’m going to the Land of Magic —
for a full 5 days of Moments to remember and cherish forever — to celebrate my 40th birthday. I thought it was an appropriate place for a girl to renew her vow to never grow up, or, more accurately put, to never grow old. 

In commemoration of this event, I will ride Peter Pan; the experience that first introduced me to a magic beyond what my own imagination could create. Flying over the city of London aglow with city lights was a wonder of wonders to my little 3-year-old mind. I have delighted in the experience ever since. Perhaps it is even the reason I dreamed and yearned to visit London for so long. When my wish finally came through, God gave me a special kiss on the cheek.  Due to heavy delays at Heathrow, my plane was put in a holding pattern circling London. I looked out my window and there, between puffy clouds lay Peter Pan’s London, aglow in the December night. Amazing! I realized at that moment just how long I’d been waiting to see London; since I first rode Peter Pan at Disneyland when I was 3: 34 years.

Have you ever had a moment like that? A moment when, as if suddenly seeing Life for the first time, you realize a dream is coming true, unfolding like a fairy tale right before your very eyes?

When I look back — turning 40 has a way of causing you to reflect on all that’s gone before — and I take in the whole of my life, I see many such moments. Unfortunately, I was unaware of many of them. I was so caught up in the busy-ness of life and on always looking ahead, looking to the future and planning the "next big thing" in my life that I missed the dreams unfolding into reality right in front of me.

For years God has talked to me about taking the time to enjoy the ride of life He’s laid out for me. For years He has quietly, consistently pointed me in the direction of the turn-outs on the road, where I can stop a moment and catch a glimpse of the beauty and majesty of His amazing creation. For the last few years in particular He and I have wrestled and argued and struggled with the idea that, Life and the radical are experienced in the midst of the routine and mundane, the seemingly ordinary and every-day, contrary to everything my mind and heart have come to be convinced of.

What would life be like for us if we chose to live this way? To live as if everything we do, no matter how routine and ordinary, were the stuff magic is made of? The possible plane ride over London?

(I have so much more to say, but I’m falling asleep…)

Dang.

This week was crazy.
Next week promises to be more of the same. At least the early part.
I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time or brain cells available to write anything decent, even thought my brain is a veritable banquet of thoughts, ideas and opinions.

::sigh::

Sorry for the silent spaces. Perhaps this week will be better….

PS — new posts at my typepad Voice of Hope and Turning 40 blogs.