Category Archives: Holidays

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Velocity, Attitude, Inclination

Happychristmassmnh
Where did the month go? I can’t believe it’s seven days (less than that, really) till Christmas. It seems time goes by faster and faster the older I get.

Sorry for the silence here.  I know some of you check almost daily and I really appreciate your faithfulness. I have so much to say, but I’ve been so busy with school and shopping and Christmas stuff that I haven’t had any time to write. But I thought I’d take a quick moment to just give an update.

First off, I’m still singing the Mind Algebraic —well, really it’s the Mind Mathematics/Quantitative Literacy. I’ve worked on basic mathematics concepts, algebra, trigonometry, critical thinking… right now I’m working on geometry, and in the next week or so I’ll start statistics. My frustration with it waxes and wanes with the level of complexity and difficulty — which is usually toward the end of the chapters. I am just not a naturally left-brained person. Though I am learning to adjust and think that way, ever so sllooooowly. The most exciting part has been realizing I really can do it. Trig is my favorite so far. I really like all the triangle puzzle stuff. I don’t know why you would want to know or care about all that, but it can be fun stuff to chew on…… ohmigosh, I didn’t just say that, did I?? I didn’t just say I’m actually enjoying a part of math! What is happening to me. It must be the Christmas season infecting me.

Speaking of, I stated in an earlier post that this is the first time in many years that I’veChristmasbaubles
actually been excited to celebrate Christmas and I realized recently I didn’t fully explain. I won’t go into great detail here, most of you know the hell I went through a few years back anyway. The holidays have been painful ever since. And, truthfully, my first (and only for a while) Christmas overseas was also difficult, but not as much so as the four years that followed. Those four years I didn’t decorate my home, didn’t get a Tree, even listening to Christmas music was painful — to say nothing of seeing the decorations, shopping for gifts in decked-out malls or unwittingly catching a holiday movie on television. I avoided them like the plague; "It’s a Wonderful Life" was the worst. Can you imagine trying to avoid seeing that during the Christmas season? Yeah, impossible. But it was just too painful to see people living out a happily-ever-after ending when I felt so completely that I would never have that.

I think the holidays are harder to survive for single people after the deaths of parents than it is for those who are married and have a family of their own. You really do feel like an orphan with no parents and no home to "go home" to; as well as feeling like a fifth-wheel at the family celebrations of siblings. Fortunately I have an amazing sister who welcomed me with open arms and made me feel not only welcome but truly wanted. I rarely feel like a fifth wheel there.

I think the break-through I had at Easter had ripple effects far wider than I thought. Because as the holidays approached this year I began to feel excitement instead of depression. And that has just grown and even exploded at times. I’m truly enjoying and savoring every moment of this Christmas season. It’s just been amazing. And I realized recently that I have emerged from this time of pain and sadness with a totally different perspective, and a new paradigm.

From Childhood on, Christmas for me was about the lights and the decorations, the Christmas programs (school and church) and caroling, the music, the family gatherings, the parties and the blustery chill of a Southern California December. I have a storehouse full of wonderful memories of this time of year. But it was mostly about the season; about the American version of Christmas rather than the deeper reality of what it is we are celebrating. Oh, I knew about Bethlehem and baby Jesus and all that. And it wasn’t that I didn’t acknowledge that or spend time meditating and thanking God for His gift. I did, but never on such a profound level.

This year I connected with that Truth, that reality of who Jesus is and the sacrifice He Nativitystarsmmade for me, on a profoundly deep and intimate level and it has radically changed who I am and how I see life. Christmas for me now is about celebrating the birth of the most
amazing Gift God ever gave me; the gift of Abundant Life in Jesus. The rest of it — lights, music, movies, smells, etc — is just delicious icing. I am humbled beyond words that He, the Almighty, Most Holy, One True Living God would love me so much that He would willingly lay aside all His glory and majesty and become a little helpless human baby, and subject Himself to all the pain and crap we humans put upon each other. He didn’t have to do that. He is the Creator of the universe; He could have created a different way of salvation. But He didn’t. He chose the hard way. And we get to give each other gifts, race with other mall patrons for parking spaces, and fight with other shoppers for that last Nintendo Wii all because of His all-consuming love for us. I am in awe at the unfailing, unending generosity and grace of God.

I am so blessed. I have so much in the way of physical and monetary provision that many around the world do not have. But even if God allows all of that to be taken from me, I will still be incredibly blessed. I know Love and Abundant Life — I dwell within them! I wake every morning to my Redeemer, my Beloved singing to me and I fall asleep every night to His whispers of His love, protection and grace. I have been forgiven for things I never thought were forgivable and I have found my meaning and purpose in simply living everyBlessedsmnh moment intimately connected to God.

This is what I celebrate this Christmas. This is what compels me to gift a gift, to decorate
my home and my cube at work, to sing Christmas songs, drive around the mall till a parking spot opens up, and watch endless rounds of "It’s a Wonderful Life" and cry with sympathetic pain, and abiding joy every single time. God is good. God. Is. Good. And I am blessed beyond measure!

Happy Christmas everyone. May your Christmas be filled with the most profound Joy and abiding Peace you have every known. And may you see Jesus in a new, more intimate way.

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Where’s Baby Jesus – Year Two

Last year around this time I wrote a post about my realization that in all my stress and holiday blues I’d lost Baby Jesus. My realization came flooding back to me Friday evening as I did a little shopping for Christmas decorations. But this time it wasn’t just about my own condition, but the condition of the world I see all around me.

It all started with my boss, who threw down the Christmas decorating gauntlet at work this week by decking his office in much garland, lights and baubles. I’m not normally competitive (yeah, right) but, frankly, my pride was wounded by his early, and classy, display, as I always fancied myself a top-notch, early bird, Christmas bedecker. I’m not early to anything except Christmas; I used to arrive sometime in July and just (im)patiently waited for November to show up so I could officially be Christmas-y. The last four years I haven’t had any desire to do such things; depression has that affect on me. This is the first year in a long time that I’ve even felt like participating in the holiday festivities. It’s progress I’m excited about, frankly. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Consequently, most of my Christmas decorations have sat idle in the attic or the closet for the last couple of years. I’m not even sure what condition they are in (note the present tense of that… more on that later) or if they are even usable. Hence my shopping trips on Friday evening. Sometimes it’s easier to just buy new strands of lights and new decorations than to patch up the old stuff.

As I shopped I noticed an appalling lack of nativity scenes, or even of baby Jesuses (is that word, Jesuses??). I found myself wondering more and more passionately as time passed, "where is Baby Jesus?" I was starting to get alarmed, when I remembered where I was: Target. While it once seemed "Christian-friendly" (at least in the LA area), it never has been the mecca of Christ-centric decor (if you’ll pardon the cross-religion references). So I quickly wrapped up my shopping at the Big Red Dot and headed for a place I was sure would have Baby Jesus front and center: LifeWay.

I was sadly disappointed. While there were references to Jesus and lambs and angels all over the place, I saw very few classy, non tchotchke-ish nativity scenes and only one that was worth considering, but not at its ridiculous price. Most of the Christmas decorations I saw were variations on the Santa theme, a Jesus/Christmas=the Cross theme or angels. And most were even cheaper looking than the stuff I saw at Target. I left LifeWay with only a Christmas cd (Avalon’s "Joy") and a paperback copy of The Ragamuffin Gospel; no ornaments for the tree or nativity scenes for mantle (not that I have a mantle; it just sounded better than "shelf" or something…).

What have we done? Have we, the Church, become so Americanized in our celebration of Christmas that even our own specialty stores don’t bother to display decorations with little more meaning and aestheticism than that of our cheapest secular (non)competitor? What happened to the Church setting the standard for beauty, art and taste?

And what about Baby Jesus? He seems to have gotten lost amid the Veggie Tales, Precious Moments, Willow Tree, and angel figurines. Instead of creating great art that inspires as it depicts the birth of our Savior, we’ve followed behind the World’s cheap Santa and Father Christmas tchotchkes and created our own brand of cheap, Christmas knock-offs. Meanwhile, Jesus is lost in the maze, even as we blare "He is the Reason for the Season" from every church sign, Christmas card and holiday song we can. It’s amazing. We can shove Jesus in the face of every non-Christian in our lives, and have His name plastered over every inch of every bauble and garland we hang, yet cannot see how empty the manger is in our own celebration of His birth, in our own heart.

Glen Beck has been shouting "doomsday is coming!" (or at least the perfect storm for doomsday is coming) for many months now and it occurred to me as I stood forehead high in LifeWay Christmas schlock that perhaps that is exactly what the American arm of Jesus’ Church needs: a shake down of doomsday proportions to wake us up to the fact that we’ve been playing church instead being His Church. At least maybe it would be good for me. Perhaps it would finally knock me off my Americanized butt and back to the Truth of what it is to be a follower of Christ, sitting both at the foot of the cross and at the side of a manger, marveling at the Grace, Love and Courage of God that brought about my Redemption; and bringing everything in my heart to Him as a gift. No matter how ugly it seems to me.

Where is Baby Jesus for you? Is He in the manger, patiently waiting for you to come give Him a gift out of who you are — even if all you have to give is anger, loneliness or depression? Or is He perhaps missing from the manger altogether; lost amid the glitter, garland and Santas that fill up your holiday season?

I pray this season we all rediscover the Babe in the manger and encounter Him as we never have before.

Come and behold Him
Born the King of Angels

O Come let  us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Christ, our Lord

For He alone is worthy
For He alone is worthy
For He alone is worthy
Christ, our Lord

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Merry Christmas

I leave in a few moments for Nina’s (my sister). I’m driving this time, because I couldn’t afford and airline ticket. And I’ll be at her house till New Year’s. Blogging will be sporadic at best — more than likely non-existent, as Nina doesn’t have wireless, so I’ll have to run down to Panera to snag some free Internet.

I pray that this Christmas Jesus will gently but persistently remind you  of all the many blessings He showered on you this past year, and that He will continue to bless you throughout 2007. I pray that no matter how full or how empty the space under your tree on Christmas Eve, that God will give you eyes to see how full of spiritual presents He has filled it — It will take you a lifetime to unwrap them all!

See you in the New Year!

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Where’s Baby Jesus?

Christmastree
When did Christmas become about getting presents rather than giving gifts? When did it change from celebrating Jesus and His gift of Himself for us to anticipating all the toys I’m gonna get? Or was it ever really about the former and always about the latter, and I just didn’t realize it until now?

I’m not talking about the commercialization of Christmas here. I’m talking about the selfishness of my heart. I never realized how important getting Christmas presents is to me until recently. It all started with my sister’s announcement that they were broke, so Christmas would be a little low on presents this year. While that announcement alone wasn’t enough to kick my greed into overdrive, it was enough to drive my mind back to Christmases of "yore", when gifts were plentiful and there was no room under the tree for Baby Jesus (he belonged in the nativity scene on the table, anyway).

Then came the hints that our department was foregoing giving us a Christmas bonus this year; hints dropped ever so surreptitiously by my supervisors, who then fell mysteriously silent and evasive on the subject as days went by. I, like every other unwise, overeager employee, had counted my bonus dollars before they were given and had plans for each and every one of them. They were good plans, to be sure. An external hard-drive to back up my laptop (it is over 2 years old now, after all), new good quality (ie expensive) shoes — which are desperately needed at the moment — and accessories for my iPod. I tried not to worry too much; or think too much about the planned purchases now in jeopardy. But as the days turned into weeks and we got closer to the last day the whole department would be together, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, even angry, at the prospect of yet another unmet Christmas expectation.

Especially after I received our company’s idea of a Christmas present.

I realize I ought to be grateful the company gives out gifts at all. Some companies don’t do anything. Yet at the same time I suffer from being spoiled by my fourteeen years years in the entertainment industry, where gifts flowed like honey from an open bee hive; and they weren’t cheap gifts, either. Because everyone in Hollywood knows the way into the good favor of an
executive or a producer is by staying in the good graces of their
assistant. And the best way to do that is to give them really great
Christmas gifts. I got everything from the latest DVD releases to spiffy-cool raincoats to Tiffany parfum and pens. Yes, I was spoiled. I know what good company gifts are. And I did not get one from my company.

As I said, I realize I should be grateful I got anything, but they made it so blasted hard to be so. There was a card, gushing about how much they appreciated all our hard work, blah-blah-blah… and it was obvious they were serious in their gushing. However, their idea of a great, amazing "Thank You for all your hard work over the last year" gift to all their employees was, wait for it……

A pillow.

Yes, folks. My employer gave me a little bean-filled pillow for Christmas. Wow. Who
was the genius who came up with this gem of a gift? I can just hear the gift ideas brainstorming session now: "What shall we give them, uncle Scrooge?" "A lump of coal?" "naw, that’s been done to death…" "Oh, I’ve got an idea! Let’s give them over-sized hacky-sacks and call them pillows!"  Not that I’m bitter about it or anything…..

Perhaps they want me to use that pillow to take a napStockings2004 every afternoon, instead of working so dang hard. Perhaps I ought to, now that I have a pillow. But what I really want to do is beat all the executives — or at least the one in charge of picking out the gift — over the head with it. Hard. A pillow?! What the…?! What in the world were you thinking??

Now, I could understand if we were on the verge of bankruptcy or in otherwise serious financial trouble. But the fact is, our executives just banked millions of dollars in stock sales. They couldn’t spare at least one of those millions to shower on us, their faithful, hard-working employees?

It was in the middle of my internal rant after picking up my gift that I realized just how greedy my little heart is. All this anger over a stupid pillow, all this frustration over unmet expectations, all this anxiety over whether or not the bonus was coming — and where’s Jesus in all this? Who’s birthday is it, anyway? Mine? —Nope. Then why was I expecting to be the star of the day and the recipient of all the really cool presents?

I had to laugh at myself, at my own folly. I must look pretty ridiculous to God, ranting away over something as insignificant as a little bean pillow. Especially when so many in the world don’t even have a place to lay their head. Or worrying if I’ll get to buy an expensive pair of shoes when most of the world is too poor to even own one pair of cheap rubber flip flops. How many people went to sleep hungry tonight? How many more will die of starvation tomorrow? How many don’t even know, have never heard, the real reason for celebrating Christmas?

When did I get so greedy? When did I start thinking of Christmas as a celebration of me, rather than a celebration of Jesus? When did I get so wrapped up in getting that I forgot to look around and thank God for all I’ve already been given? A couple weeks ago during his sermon, Jeff told us about something his daughter said. They were busy decorating up the house, tinsel and garland and ornaments everywhere, when his little girl looked around and asked, "where Baby Jesus??" Turned out he’d gotten lost among all the stuff and ended up at the other end of the house from where he belonged.

That’s what happened in my heart. Jesus got lost in all my own Christmas "stuff". It took getting smacked in the face with my own greed, wrapped up in bean-filled pillow, for me to realize that.

Dear Jesus, forgive me! Let me put You back in the center of the celebration, where You belong.

PS — The bonus came through at the eleventh hour. It’s half what it was last year, but who’s counting anymore, right? Yeah, maybe I need to smack myself in the face with the pillow again…

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Family Dynamics

Its around this time that one’s stress level goes through the roof. If the thought of finding a parking space at any shopping establishment isn’t enough to drive you to road rage, the thought of spending a "joyous holiday" with family most likely will.

I know. None of us suffer from that problem. We all have perfect families that get along so well it makes the Cleavers look dysfunctional. (pah-leese.)

I saw the movie "The Family Stone" last weekend. I want to go into this in more detail, but as I need to leave for the airport soon I’ll just start the conversation and we can delve deeper when I come back next week.

The movie left me feeling disturbed and melancholy. It took me several days to figure out the real reason why — the obvious reason of the film’s ending notwithstanding (I won’t spoil it for those who like surprises). I realized after some self-probing, and prompting from God, that I saw myself in the lead character and felt cheated by the ending the writer’s gave her. She’s the nervous, uptight, perfectionistic oddball in this gathering of laid-back self-proclaimed group of tolerant artists. But the truth is, it’s the family that’s more intolerant, uptight and insecure than Sarah Jessica Parker’s character. They are the ones who have already determined that she doesn’t fit, and she becomes the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong during the holiday.

I understand her. Very well. I lived that life. I still live it in my mind. Family dynamics stick with us even when all our family is gone.

I wanted her to be celebrated for who she is, not be pressed to conform to the Stone Family image. She wasn’t and she did.

Some might say they see the ending differently; that she was just with the "wrong man" and the right one brought out the tolerant, calmer side of her. But I disagree.

Talking with friends over the last few weeks, I’ve heard many stories of the various dysfunctional families out there and the frustrations my friends face when going home for Christmas. And by the way, I believe we ALL come from dysfunctional families; because every parent is broken and struggles and doesn’t get it perfect, or right all the time. That means we all grow up with unmet emotional needs and unhealthy patterns of behavior. More on that another time. I understand their frustrations. I experience my own when my family gathers. I’m sure you do too. I’m going through counseling to discover all the subtle and not-so-subtle ways this has affected who I am today and to learn how to become the person God created me to be.

My question to you is, how do you deal with the brokenness in your family? Do you run from it, or face it head on, or get sucked into its vortex? Each year you go home for a holiday, how much to you rail against the role you’ve been given in your family? Or do you just roll your eyes, grit your teeth and get through the holiday by reminding yourself you only have x-amount of days left before you get to go back to being who you really are as an adult?

Do you even see the dysfunction in your own family?

What does God say we are to do when we find ourselves at odds with our own families, for godly, healthy reasons?

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Comfort Music

Finally. The migraine I woke up with has subsided. I’m sitting on my bed, fan blowing a gentle breeze, listening to Martina McBride sing Christmas carols.

Yeah, I know its only August. I used to listen to Christmas music starting around April. But since mom and dad died I haven’t had the heart. It’s been too painful. So this feels like a giant leap forward. I actually wanted to listen to it tonight.

Christmas was always a special time when I was growing up. Mom made lots of candy, the fake tree (dad hated the mess and danger of real ones) went up and got decorated the day after Thanksgiving and didn’t come down till several days after New Years. Sometimes my oldest sister or my brother, or both, and their families would come and celebrate with us. Mom would always play Christmas carols at the piano and we would sing, each of us kids taking a part. I usually sang alto. Don’t know why — especially when, as a senior in high school I discovered I was actually a first soprano — I just love the sound of harmony. I love making harmony to someone else’s melody. It’s just no fun to me to sing the melody. Too easy and too generic.

Speaking of… One Christmas I remember with particular fondness was that year. My senior year in high school I was part of the Chamber Singers (our elite, madrigal group) as well as another elite group Girls Vocal Jazz. We as the Chamber Singers spent much of the holiday season singing at various functions and wowing every audience that heard us (we were so good that we had to compete at the college level so we wouldn’t sweep every high school level competition we entered — even at some of the college level ones we garnered top level awards). But my favorite part of the season were the evenings we went out caroling around some of our own neighborhoods, just for the heck of it, for the joy of singing. Awesome! I’d never had so much fun as that year.

I also remember the first time I went overseas. I visited some workers in Japan and China in mid-October 1996. I remember thinking, after being in China about a week, how Christmas would never be as cheerful or free-spirited for me, for I now had seen how much overseas workers sacrifice for Jesus and His Kingdom. How could I ever be so selfishly happy at Christmas knowing that so many were in foreign, often rural and poverty-stricken places unable to spend those beautiful holidays with family and friends, safe and warm by a fire, mantle hung with stockings.

Silly me. Years later I discovered that, even when things on the field (yes, I myself become one of the very missionaries I swore I could never be, because I could never bear the sacrifices they make) are blowing up in my face, I could still enjoy, be cheerful, even joyful throughout the Christmas holidays because I was with Jesus — the best Christmas present of all. One I’m still unwrapping.

The first Christmas without mom and dad, however, is probably one of the most painful and yet most fulfilling Christmases of my life. There was such grief and sorrow and such a hole in my heart. It was a daily battle to just survive; I think that’s when depression truly gripped me. It drug me into an abyss that I’m still trying to climb out of. But the relationship that grew between my sister, Nina, and I nourished my deeply thirsting soul, literally to the depths of my being. We grew so much during that time. And we grew so close. She means the world to me!

I don’t know what brought me to these Christmas moments tonight. I know there are some who may read this and think, "yikes! Don’t remind of all the shopping I’ve got to do and all the candy-making and decorating and hustle and bustle and…." I guess, for me, I’m realizing afresh what Christmas is about for me. I think it means different things to different people. For me, its about family. Not the mom-dad-sister-brother family – though those relationships are important. But those who act like family, who embrace me and whom I embrace as family would; those willing  to go to the deeper, darker places in my heart with me and those willing to expose their own hearts; those who purpose in their heart to know others and be known.

That’s why my Mosaic LA family is truly family and means so very much to me. They dug into those places and lived there with me. They didn’t "do life" with me, they were part of my life and made me part of theirs. Their hearts belonged to me and mine to them, in a way that cannot be explained, only experienced. How I miss them! What a wonderful gift from God they still are to me!

I think I may have found a community like my Mosaic LA family. I don’t know yet. It will take more time to feel that out and discover for certain. In the meantime, I will continue to unwrap my Greatest Christmas Present of all, wait for the leaves to fall and the air to chill and for the sweet aroma of Christmas to arrive.

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Merry Christmas Eve!

It’s Christmas eve! Okay, so it’s only early morning Christmas Eve, but since tomorrow… er, today… promises to be quite busy I may not get a chance to blog again until after Christmas.

We’re going to have our big turkey dinner tonight because Christmas day will be a full day of activity. Nina and Toby will be running down to Columbia to pick up Frances (their daughter) Christmas morning so she can be home for the day, Kevin, Jennifer, Jake and Kaitlyn, the family living with Nina and Toby, will also be here Christmas day, as will Stephen. So we’ll have a full, full house — and lots of activity going on.

Thank God I have a room downstairs in the basement where I can go when the crowd gets to be too much for me! I’m sooooo not a big crowd person. I have distinct memories of family holiday gatherings where I would disappear to what my mom called my "cave," aka my room, where I would go to "hide out" and recoup my energy for a while before facing the crowd again. It doesn’t matter that its my family. It still drains all the energy out of me. I’m definitely an introvert.

At any rate, I think the next few days will be fun — in spite of the crowd. And I’m looking forward to making new memories.

Merry Christmas ya’ll!

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Christmas Gift of Life

Jesus gave me a gift over 2,000 years ago. We celebrate the beginning of the gift Saturday — by giving gifts to others. Last Thanksgiving Nina and Toby introduced me to a new way to give. It’s called Pheresis.

Apheresis — Give Life, American Red Cross

In an apheresis (ay-fur-ee-sis) donation, from the Greek "to take away," donors give only select blood components ā€” platelets, plasma, red cells, infection-fighting white cells called granulocytes, or a combination of these, depending on the donors’ blood type and the needs of the community. Apheresis is most commonly used to collect platelets and plasma….. A single apheresis donation of platelets can provide as many platelets as 5 whole blood donations. In addition, a platelet transfusion from a single donor greatly reduces the chances of an immune system reaction to the transfusion. Bone marrow transplant, cancer and leukemia patients whose immune systems are already compromised, benefit particularly from single donor platelet transfusions.

To date, I’ve given over one gallon (!!) of platelets and blood through this process. Its a little time-consuming, and a bit arduous, but it is worth every minute of discomfort to know that I’m providing a vital gift of life for someone like my friend Helen, who’s bravely fought cancer for several years now. Each time I give, I do it in Helen’s honor. Even though I know that my platelets will probably go to someone in need in the Carolinas, and not to Helen, who’s in Texas.

Nina made an appointment for us and yesterday we both went up into Charlotte and spent a few hours donating our platelets. Soon I hope to find a place in Nashville where I can give as well. I’m not smart enough to cure cancer, but I can at least do something to help. And I found out yesterday that since I’m O-Negative (blood type) I’m needed for more than just platelets… they need my red cells as well. Next time I plan to give both.

Please visit their website, call the number, 1-800-GIVE LIFE, and give the Gift of Life to a cancer patient this holiday season.

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My Little Piece of Heaven

I’m sitting in Nina’s living room, and pilfering someone else’s wi-fi! And Nina and Toby don’t have wi-fi… I’m picking it up from a neighbor two houses down. Two houses down!! Oh, how I looooove my Mac!! Thank you, Larry, for helping me pick it out! And thank you, Cassie, for convincing me with just you’re Mac-crazy attitude that Mac is the way to go.

We’re just sitting here, Nina, Stephen (her son and my nephew) and I — Toby’s gone to bed — with a small fire going in the fireplace, "Jack Frost" keeping the temps down and all Christmasy outside, and "The Bishop’s Wife" playing on the dvd. Life is good!

We just passed the scene where the Sylvester (Cary Grant) and the Bishop’s wife were visiting with the Professor, and the sherry bottle and glasses keep getting magically refilled. After Sylvester (the angel) leaves, the sherry bottle refills again…. and I made a comment Stephen insisted I write down. I said, "That must be quite an angel. He must be Episcopalian."

If you have to ask what that means, you’re not a Baptist. šŸ™‚

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Snow Day!

Today I played in the snow! I danced and sang and threw snowballs…. it was so beautiful! I don’t think there’s anything more magical than falling snow. All of nature gets quiet when it snows, as if it knows something sacred has entered the scene.

I started my Christmas vacation week with a crowded flight to Charlotte Saturday morning. Then we drove up to Boone, NC — up in the Appalachian mountains — for Nina and Toby’s annual "Longjohn Christmas Caroling". And, yes, I did don a pair of longjohns and join in the singing. They’ve even re-written some of the carols, things like "Walking in Our Winter Underwear," to mark this special 32-year tradition.

I feel more up for celebrating Christmas this year, though there are still many times I struggle through the day. There were moments even as we carolled and I put on my best holiday smile that the words were pinging against my heart and leaving marks in its softest places, especially those raw, empty places where mom and dad live. I guess the holidays will always be bittersweet for me now. I have yet to decide if the bitter makes the sweet all the sweeter, or if it just makes it different.