Wendy

If you knew that you were going to be gone this time tomorrow … what would you do? If you knew a loved one was going to be gone this time tomorrow what would you do? Erwin used to tell of relationships that were gone before he could resolve them… and reminded people that they may never have a chance to get a relationship right… and to make sure when you left a person… you were straight … that anything was possible.

This question haunts me every time I hear it.

What would I do if I found out tomorrow that I had only a few days left to life? Last year my answer would have — and did the few times I revealed it — scared my friends out of their minds. Last year I would have surrendered happily and eagerly to death. I longed for it, prayed for it, begged God for it every night.

But every morning I woke up.

Unanswered prayers…..

Now that life is beginning to come back into my spirit, I again find myself facing this question. Louis’ death, Wendy’s pondering, Tim McGraw’s song all reverberate in my soul. What does it mean to "live like you were dyin’"? For the man Tim McGraw sings about it was bull riding, sky diving, spending hours fishing with his dad. But it was also being the husband that he hadn’t been as well as becoming the friend that a friend would love to have. It was loving deeper, speaking sweeter and giving forgiveness he’d been holding back.

Would my list be as comprehensive and well-rounded? Or would it be filled with only trivial, selfish desires? It’s hard to know until you’re actually there.

My daily reading in "Failing Forward" dealt with the 10 reasons why people fail. #10 on the list was "No Goals." Maxwell says,

Joe L. Griffith believes "A goal is nothing more than a dream with a time limit." Many people don’t have goals because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream. As a result, they don’t possess a desire.

It’s been a long time since I was able to dream, really dream, about the future. The events of the last couple of years drove my heart into hiding. It refuses to go to dreamland anymore. I’m trying my best to coax it out of the cave it’s cowering in, but so far it hasn’t ventured out from under shelter.

I don’t know how to dream anymore. Not big dreams, like the grand ones I used to have. The best I’ve been able to muster is my "Get Healthy" resolution/goal for this year.

Will the ability to dream come back? Will I ever be able to dream big dreams with God again? Without dreams, I don’t know how to answer Wendy’s question. I only know that I want to. For the first time in over a year, I want to Live like I was dying….

Like tomorrow was a gift
And you’ve got to eternity to think of what
you did with it
What did you do with it?
What did I do with it?

I went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
…One day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying

"Live Like You Were Dying" written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman; from the Tim McGraw album by the same name