Be careful what you ask for, my friends. Especially from God. He will answer.

I asked for the ability to dream again. I asked to be shown my purpose. These were things I asked God for 2005, my New Year wishes and hopes, if you will. I gave Him the whole year to answer. I know sometimes His answers can be complicated, complex, difficult to grasp all in one sitting.

God seems to live by the motto, "N.O.W.". No Opportunity Wasted. (I like this motto so much that I think I may adopt it as my own). Yesterday this motto was completely unknown to me. But today I can see it all throughout Scripture. It’s so contagious that it seems every true follower and seeker of His seems to have caught it. Paul did:

"I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I Cor 9:22-23

Jonathan did too, and so did his armor bearer.

Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, "Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the LORD will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few."

"Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul." 1 Sam 14:5-7

Hebrews 11 is filled with examples of people who refused to waste an opportunity.

Erwin calls this "The Jonathan Factor". I have journal entries dating back to January 1996 that refer to his teachings on this idea, and my desire to live it out in my life. After this weekend, however, I think a more accurate nomen would be The God Factor. God, it seems, is determined to never miss an opportunity to answer my questions and help my wishes come true. At least when it comes to discovering why I’m here.

This morning I went to People’s Church and the pastor, Rick White, started a series on, you guessed it, living out your dreams and living as if today were your last day (are you seeing a theme emerge here??). And as if to punctuate His intention, God added His own personal giggle moment in the form of the special music for the morning: "Live Like You Were Dying".

….I’ll just leave it at that.

Early in the service Rick asked us to quickly jot down one dream we have, that if we could do anything we wanted, what would it be. Then he asked us to write down one thing we’d change if we knew that we only had one day left to live (gee, does any of this sound familiar?). Both questions caught me off guard. How the heck did this man know to speak to these issues right now??? I hardly had time to contemplate any of this before the answer to the dream question popped into my head. It came so fast and with such clarity my brain got whiplash.

I want to write. If I could have one dream come true, if I could do one thing in life, it would be to write. Books, magazine articles, poetry, fiction, non-fiction… you name it. Keeping this blog updated, if nothing else, has shown me how deep my love for writing goes. Writing my newsletters when I was overseas — and which I am grossly behind in doing right now — also taught me how much I love to write. Sometimes I agonize over every word, other times they just flow, effortlessly, and my fingers can’t type fast enough to keep up with the rush of thoughts surging from my mind and heart.

If I could do one thing with the rest of my life, it would be to write. Spending hours thinking, musing, contemplating and then committing it all to paper. And getting paid for it!! That would do my heart good!

Neil Clark Warren once said, "Don’t try to figure out what the world needs and then go out and do it. Find out what ignites you, what brings you to life, and then go do that."

Writing is one of the things that does that for me. There are several others, but I’ll leave those for later discussions.

Could it be that this is the purpose God made me for? I don’t have any idea, but at least I’ve rediscovered one of my dreams! That in itself is no small miracle.

The second question, what one thing would I change if I knew I only had one day left to live… that one took longer to come to me. It wasn’t until later in the afternoon, after I’d spent a couple of hours wandering WalMart and was on my way home, sun shining down through the open sunroof, Mercy Me cd blaring through my speakers, that I thought of the thing I would change.

I would spend the rest of my time alive pouring love on my family. So often I have neglected them in favor of relationships with friends, or ministry opportunities. My relationship with Nina and Toby has become one of the most precious things to me since mom and dad died. And I realized today how much time I spent looking for love and "belonging" and "family" from friends rather than from her. If I knew I only had one day left to live, I would spend it with Nina. Pouring into her all the love and grace and Life God has poured into me.

I realize that’s not the acceptable Christian answer these days. You’re supposed to say that you would spend the rest of your time, that one day, pouring into those who don’t know Jesus, those who don’t yet have a relationship with Him, especially those who’ve never heard of Him — like those in far away places. That’s what we were created for, ultimately, right? Bringing glory to God and bringing new people into the Kingdom? So why is it, then, that those things are not my heart’s desire for my last days on earth? Does this make me a "bad" Christian?

A few days ago I got word that our team leader was stepping down due to some family issues. This afternoon I learned more about the situation; a marriage in trouble, a wife feeling second or even third place to ministry, a husband focused on serving God not realizing his zeal left his wife feeling neglected.

While going through the candidate process with the IMB, we were told that family resistance is the number one reason many people end up not going overseas, and one of the biggest struggles families on the field have. Yet at the same time, family are the ones most often neglected by those of us in ministry. Our hearts are in the right place, but perhaps our bodies aren’t. Where is the balance?

Have we gotten so ministry-focused, so evangelism-happy, that we have lost sight of God’s priorities for our lives? Are we using Jesus’ words when he said, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters–yes, even one’s own self!-can’t be my disciple." (Luke 14:26) as an excuse to ignore our families, to put them last on our priority list?

Where is the line? Especially for a single woman like me? It would be easy to draw if I were married — the line of priorities starts with my husband. But where do I draw it when I don’t have one?

I have no answers to my questions. Just as I have no answers as to how I will accomplish my writing dream, or whether that’s the purpose God created me for…. That seems to be the way of God. Understanding Him and His ways is like trying to understand the whole of the cosmos. Every answer leads to more questions.

No Opportunity Wasted. I felt proud today to know John. He didn’t waste the opportunity to put his wife and family before ministry.

No Opportunity Wasted. — to pour out love on others, to give grace, to enjoy life to its fullest. Teach me, Lord, how to suck the marrow out of Life every single day.

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. Gal 6:9-10 – The Message