I realized that tonight as I drove home from a meeting. I have been telling myself I’m drowning because I’m in over my head, I’m in deep and can’t stay afloat. But the truth is I’m in the kiddie-pool; the shallow end of living.
I’m allowing fear and depression convince me the water is just too high, that I cannot go deep because I cannot handle it. I’ve let them convince me I am in the deep end and I’m drowning, so I just can’t risk going any deeper.
But really, I’m just laying on the floor. If I will even just sit up I’ll be okay.
wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live
squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you
pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
“You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating
the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can’t
worship God and Money both.
“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you
don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the
clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life
than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance
than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and
unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of
God. And you count far more to him than birds.
“Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much
as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it
makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk
out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or
shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten
best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in
you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to
relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get
worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you
deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes” Matt 6:22-34 The Message
It’s quite a step to believe that God really is interested in me. “He’s God,” I can say. “He has to love me.” But… does He like me? We’ve been playing tag for years; He keeps showing me that he can be trusted, that He does care. Some days I actually do believe it.
In its most basic form, the foundation of having a relationship with Jesus is simply not quitting. You may feel as if you’re drowning. That goes with what you’re trying to do. God, I’ve learned, allows us to set the pace. Maybe the feeling of drowning comes from you trying to force your pace; you don’t make flowers grow faster by pulling on them. You grow into depth, and into light.
Hey, I know there’s a time and season for everything… if blogging is not good for you right now, that’s cool. But I’d love to hear what’s up with you. Is there somewhere else online where you are hanging out, virtually, like Facebook or something? Though I seem to recall you were opposed to that.
Remember when you used to post often? I miss that.
Joe — ah, the good ole days. 🙂
As cliche as it sounds, it truly is good to know that I am missed. Thank you! And, yes, I am working on that….
Marti, Not at all opposed to Facebook… except that the evil vortex within it keeps sucking me in and trapping me there for hours at a time. 🙂 I’ll meet you there! 🙂