Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of
Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are
cut off.’  Therefore
prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my
people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I
will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them.
I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in
your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I
have done it, declares the LORD.’ " Ezekiel 37:11-14

Nearly ten years ago this was the promise God made to me. And 1999 turned out to be the first year I truly knew I was Alive; really Alive, living the Abundant Life. Funny how the Abundant Life more often than not is hard and painful and messy and… gritty. But in the midst of all that it is so good!

Sometimes I feel like I need
To shake myself
To wake myself
I feel like I’m just sleepwalkin’
Through my life
Its like I’m swimming through
An ocean of emotion
But still somehow slowly
Goin’ numb inside
I don’t like who I’m becomin’
I know I’ve gotta do somethin’
Before my life passes right by

As I drove home on New Year’s Day evening from 10 glorious days at my sister’s home, one of my favorite songs came on my iPod: Josh Gracin’s "I Want To Live" and I found myself reflecting back on that promise God gave me in ’98 and once again crying out to Him with the chorus of Gracin’s song:

I want to cry like the rain
Cry like the rain
Shine like sun on a beautiful mornin’
Sing to the heavens like the church bells ringin’
Fight to the devil and go down swingin’
Fly like a bird,roll like a stone
Love like I ain’t afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I want to live

Love like I ain’t afraid to be alone. Dang. That. Is. It. That is what I want. I’m so afraid to be alone — still! even now when Jesus has proved so faithful — that I stand at a distance rather than risk investing in new friendships, new relationships with people I may end up falling in love with (and I’m not talking romance here). Haven’t you ever fallen in love with a dear friend (and isn’t that what makes a dear friend "dear"?)? Where you just love everything about them, even the annoying crap? I’ve had maybe a handful of those kinds of friends in my lifetime. Anne of Green Gables called them "bosom friends". I long for one. Yet I fear it too. What if they leave me? What if they die? Then I’ll be alone again. I don’t know if I can handle the pain of death or abandonment again…. Yet my heart yearns for more. I was made for more. I was made for community.

Sometimes I wonder
Why I work so hard to guard my heart
Till I hardly feel anything at all
I’ve spent my whole life building up this ivory tower
And now that I’m in it, I keep wishing it would fall
So I could feel the ground beneath me
Really taste the air I’m breathin’
And know that I’m alive

The cry of my soul is stronger than my fear, it seems. Once again I find myself clinging to God’s promise to Israel, to me, to breathe Life into me that I might Live. Have you ever felt that way? Perhaps not. But for me, there is no going back. I’ve come too far into God’s amazing Abundant Life to let my fears stop me now. So here it is. My wish, my hope, my resolve for 2008. I will pester God until He relents. I want His breath in me. I want Him to  continue to breathe Life into my dry bones so that I will Live an know that God has done it.

I want to cry like the rain
Cry like the rain
Shine like sun on a beautiful mornin’
Sing to the heavens like the church bells ringin’
Fight to the devil and go down swingin’
Fly like a bird,roll like a stone
Love like I ain’t afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I want to live

Somethin deep inside
Keeps sayin’
Life is like a vapor
It’s gone in just a twinklin’ of an eye

Lest you think God doesn’t answer, won’t answer, let me tell you that within a few hours of my prayer on highway 74 in North Carolina, I had another real taste of Abundant Living on the 40 (I-40 for all you non-Californians) on the Cumberland Plateau. As I left Knoxville and headed up the mountains it started snow. Beautiful, big dancing flakes swirling in the wind. I was like a little kid on Christmas morning; I love snow!!

Within a few miles there was a dusting of snow everywhere and it continued to fall. Then it fell harder and harder. I lost sight of the lines on the road and even lost sight of everything in front of me altogether a few times. I’ve never driven in snow before, so to say that I was scared out of my mind would be a gross understatement. I was convinced if I stayed on the road I would die, or worse, crash my car. And if I pulled off the road my car would be buried in snow and I’d freeze to death. I watch Lifetime, I know these things happen!

I pulled off the road and called my brother-in-law who calmly talked me down off my emotional ledge, and through how to drive in that kind of mesmerizing, nerve-racking weather. I got back on the road and drove on. I was in constant prayer for over an hour — mainly begging God, "Please make it stop!! You control the weather. You can make it stop!"

After over an hour of following a 16-wheeler and slowly making my way across the Plateau, the snow finally tapered off and stopped. Just in time to head down the mountains into the heart of Middle Tennessee. I had made it! And without wrecking my car!! 🙂

But can I tell you? I knew I was Alive. All the way across that Plateau I knew. Now, I don’t need to live every day in that kind of hyper-alertness to know I’m alive — and I reminded God of that as I put the car back in cruise at 70mph and we made our way into Nashville. But it’s in times like that, coming through it with God and with the help of another, that can reconnect with reality, that God has breathed Life in me already; that sinew and muscle and skin is being added to my dry bones every moment of every day. And God is doing it. All I have to do is breathe it in, take the hands of those around me, and Live.

I want to cry like the rain
Cry like the rain
Shine like sun on a beautiful mornin’
Sing to the heavens like the church bells ringin’
Fight to the devil and go down swingin’
Fly like a bird,roll like a stone
Love like I aint afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I want to live
I want to take every
Breath I can get 
I want to live!

Happy New Year! May 2008 be filled with joy, adventure, and God’s sweet, gritty Abundant Life.