Sometimes I miss Southern California. The last 24 hours I’ve had several bad bouts of SoCal homesickness.

Some friends from Mosaic called me last night. One friend is visiting from Oklahoma and three others gathered at the home of a fourth, where the first was staying (got all that?), to hang out and visit with the long-lost friend. My name came up and someone got the cool idea to call me and let me in on some of the fun. I loved it!! I got to talk to each one for a bit, even though some of them were distracted by children and cooking "issues," (clean that oven yet, Deb?) and it was so, so good to hear their voices. I miss their fellowship.

Then today, after some good fellowship with new friends from church, I wandered into the Disney Store and got huge pangs of SoCal-homesickness again. I miss Disneyland! Most of all I miss the ability to just go down there whenever I want (I used to have the premium annual pass; the one with no black-out days) and just soak up the atmosphere. While historic Franklin has some of that Main Street feel, it just isn’t the same as the Disney version. Sad, isn’t it; how often we prefer fantasy to reality?

That’s something I’m realizing more and more these days: how often in my life I traded in reality for a fantasy of my own making, choosing to live inside my head instead of in the moment. My grammar school teachers called it "daydreaming," but fantasizing is a much truer definition. I wasn’t just idly passing the time, I was escaping reality, which was either too boring or too painful to stay connected to. So I created a different life for myself in my head, complete with a different family, home and even city. I started this habit so young I can’t even remember a time in my life when it wasn’t a part of my day. It got to the point that I didn’t know how to live completely and always "in the moment." I still don’t.

But I’m learning.

And what I’m discovering on a daily basis is that Life is so much sweeter than I ever fantasized it to be! Not easier — because everything in my fantasies was that easy-hard where the sweat is just as fake as the "reality" it comes from — No, not easier. Just sweeter. There is a richness, a deep richness to Life that only comes when you are truly present in every moment intimately connected with Jesus that cannot be adequately described, or understood, apart from reality.You cannot create this amazing—how do I call it??? — this amazing depth and fullness of life in your head; you cannot imagine it even if you have the creative genius of a thousand Lucases and Spielbergs. I’ve at times been accused of dwelling too much on the pain I experienced four years ago when my parents died and my team fell apart and my dreams disintegrated before my eyes. But the thing is, it’s not the pain I dwell on, it’s how God met me in the midst of that pain and made life so incredibly sweet. Oh so sweet!! Even though I was in agony, Life was so full and rich and sweet. And still is. Still! You cannot create that. Only God can do that. He started me down a new path and into a new life during that time, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for all the world. It showed me just how good Life really is when you spend it staring into the Eyes of Jesus. Oh, God I am blessed!

Last night after I said my goodbyes to my friends, I didn’t hang up. I stayed on the line and just listened to the fellowship of old friends as the receiver was carried (apparently across the room) to its cradle. What an amazing experience! It was like I was there in person, just listening to the various conversations and watching these wonderful friends enjoy each other’s company. Once the connection was severed and the line went dead I felt deep pangs in my heart. I miss the fellowship of these friends. They are amazing, beautiful, dynamic God-dreamers who so often inspire me and fill my heart with warmth and goodness.

It would be so easy for me to romanticize our time together, re-framing it in my head as perfect and holding it up as a comparison to which all my current and future communities of faith must measure up. It’s what I’ve all too often done throughout my life, compared the present to a romanticized past and found the former severely lacking. But that’s just as much living in a fantasy as my "daydreams" were. While the times these amazing friends and I had together were God-ordained, they were far from perfect. We argued and fought and hurt each other, we stumbled over our own brokenness, and struggled with our own issues and insecurities. We made each other cry and shout, and not necessarily in good ways, and we didn’t always forgive or admit wrong-doing. And if we were to spend more than 24 hours cooped up together, even after so long apart, I’m sure we’d all walk away frustrated by silly little annoyances that totally grated on our nerves to the point of distraction.

Sitting in the silence after that wonderful phone call I had to remind myself of these things; I had to go back in my mind and remember some of the bad times and hard times to bring myself back into a balanced perspective. No matter how much I miss them or how dear they are to my heart, their’s is not the only sweet fellowship I have ever had or will ever have in my life. God has other friends in waiting for me, some of whom He "conveniently" arranged to have invite me to lunch today so that I could experience the truth that my quota of friends isn’t filled yet. There will be more "e’spose your toes" groups, more amazing song-writing sessions with talented musician friends, more four-friends-singing-groups, more New Year’s Eve drop-in parties, more middle of the night conversations that last till dawn, more sweet fellowship with amazing God-dreamers. Isn’t He amazing?

And Disneyland? Well, Main Street is just an airplane ride away. And anyway, Fantasyland is fun to visit, but I don’t want to live there anymore.

PS — this is me not long after coming back from overseas in 2003. Not sure why the Rippys let me play with a sharp object… From the look on my face, that wasn’t exactly the wisest decision they’ve ever made. 😉

PPS — I stole this picture from Ron’s MySpace page. Sshhh!! Don’t tell him.