He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilenceHe will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. — Psalm 91:1-4
Today was lousy. I was in a foul mood from dawn till dusk and only when I was able to be a couch potato for a few hours did I begin to feel a little more human and less trollish.
Anger, frustration and hurt from yesterday bled into today; perhaps because I went to sleep with the things I was angry about still on my mind. God has a habit of talking to me after the lights go out, probably because I don’t always give Him a chance to be heard any other time. Anyway, last night was no different and I fell asleep while we were still hashing out the frustrations of the day. I woke up this morning tired and cranky and in no mood for— well, anything, really. Except maybe another five hours of sleep.
There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done. Homework, work, personal issues that need attention, house cleaning for my out-of-town guests coming next week, attending to friends, church Community Group, women’s accountability group, homework-homework-and more homework….rinse and repeat. I think last night’s events threw me over the edge of that H.A.L.T. dealie (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and I just lost it today.
All day.
I was such a bitch to be around and I knew it. I just couldn’t seem to do anything about it — except stay hidden in my cube as much as possible to minimize the damage to others.
I’m so tired exhausted. My life feels frustratingly… frayed. And fraying. I need rest.
But how do you rest when all your "stuff" stands up and smacks you in the face at the very time you’re trying to fall asleep?
Tonight I took the night off from everything and just spent some time with Jesus. I didn’t do any big study. Nor did I read the books that will facilitate my healing and recovery. Rather I just sat here and listened to specific music that always draws me to Jesus’ feet, read a bit from His Word and spent the evening staring into His eyes.
I came across Psalm 91 and saw what I think is the solution to my need: I will curl up in the shadow of the Almighty and find refuge under His wing. His Word declares I will find the rest I so desperately need there. So I’m gonna take Him at His Word.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. — Psalm 62:5-6"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." — Jesus
I am having many days like that myself and yesterday was a bad one for me too, between my husband and my teenage son (who is not my husband’s biological son). Both blame each other for everything, are polar opposites and I am constantly trying to gain peace at all costs, running interference for fear of things escalating if left to their own devices. I am like gumby, stretched on both sides by two people I deeply love.
Yesterday, after receiving an email for hubby saying we needed to talk and he was in a dark place, my body just frazzled. Heart beating, headache immediately at the back of my neck, body so tense I was sure I would break in half. I thought to myself, I am going to end up with a stroke if this does not let up. I can take no more of this. I cried out to the Lord, I begged Him to help me, to give me peace. He did. I was still nervous, my stomach queasy all day, but the panic abated, the calmness and strength descended.
Later, as both individually blamed the other for my stress I told them both: Make no mistake, you BOTH are going to kill me if this doesn’t stop. Luckily we worked things through (for the time being) and I was able to sleep (an occasional thing these days). I awoke and went to Proverbs this morning where I thanked God for his answer to my plea yesterday and reached for my Redeemer to get me through this challenging time of extreme stress.
I pray the same for you, that peace and strength will descend upon us both, and repair the frayed ends of our lives which threaten to destroy us….
Laura
God’s way to victory is unlike anything else we’ve experienced. I, at least, am so accustomed to defeat that I can’t conceive of anything else. That doesn’t upset God. The process of getting from here to there is stressful. I wonder if it could be less stressful, less engendering of days when the Snark-O-Meter (TM) is pinned. So far I’ve not found this happy state.
I have, however, found that if I let God have his way, when the victory comes it really is victory. Victory by my terms just suppresses the opposition, and it breaks out again some other time. Steps with God may be tiny but they’re forever. It’s quite a fascinating process from an engineering standpoint. I wish it were less painful.