Monthly Archives: September 2007

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My Life as a Lobster

Ow.

I am redder than the Red campaign. It was the (now) annual trip to Georgia for Reynolds Rendezvous charity event this past weekend so my friend KatRose and I drove south on Wednesday morning to help prep for the Saturday event, which went off very well, by the way; thanks for asking! Beautiful weather, lovely people, amazing old restored wooden boats, and kids who’ve survived more chemo and operations than any adult could handle and yet are still so excited just to be alive. It was gooooood [insert my best Bruce Almighty voice here].

However.

We had a beautiful warm "autumn" day (ha! the calendar says "autumn" but the weather certainly doesn’t. What the—?!), temps in the low 80s, not a cloud in the clear Georgia sky, sun reflecting brilliantly off the water…. and fair (and I do mean fair) Lu with absolutely no sunscreen on at all. None. All day. Nada. Nope. Zilch. Zero! Doh.

I’m such a dork. I didn’t even think about it until, oh, about 3:30pm. Long after the damage had been done. And it’s not that I just forgot to put it on. I forgot to even bring any with me into Georgia. I didn’t even pack it. I’m such a dork.

Life as a Lobster. It’s always a joy.

So how was your week?

Sunburn

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Where My Salvation and Redemption Are Coming From

Passion_jesus_carrying_cross

In love [God] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to
be put into effect when the times will have reached their
fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under
one head, even Christ. — Eph 1:5-10 NIV

Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, [God] had us in mind, had
settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by
his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through
Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to
enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his
beloved Son.

Because
of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of
the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments
chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either.
Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we
could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in
making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in
which everything would be brought together and summed up in him,
everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. == Eph 1:5-10 The Message

There is a redeemer,
Jesus, God’s own Son,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Holy One.
Jesus my redeemer,
Name above all names,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Oh, for sinners slain.

Thank you oh my Father,
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.

When I stand in Glory,
I will see His face,
And there I’ll serve my King forever,
In that Holy Place.

Thank you oh my Father,
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.

There is a redeemer,
Jesus, God’s own Son,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Holy One.

Thank you oh my Father
For giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Til the work on Earth is done.
And leaving Your Spirit,
‘Till the work on Earth is done

There is A Redeemer — Keith Green

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Comes The Weary One

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. — Psalm 91:1-4

Today was lousy. I was in a foul mood from dawn till dusk and only when I was able to be a couch potato for a few hours did I begin to feel a little more human and less trollish.

Anger, frustration and hurt from yesterday bled into today; perhaps because I went to sleep with the things I was angry about still on my mind. God has a habit of talking to me after the lights go out, probably because I don’t always give Him a chance to be heard any other time. Anyway, last night was no different and I fell asleep while we were still hashing out the frustrations of the day. I woke up this morning tired and cranky and in no mood for— well, anything, really. Except maybe another five hours of sleep.

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done. Homework, work, personal issues that need attention, house cleaning for my out-of-town guests coming next week, attending to friends, church Community Group, women’s accountability group, homework-homework-and more homework….rinse and repeat. I think last night’s events threw me over the edge of that H.A.L.T. dealie (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and I just lost it today.

All day.

I was such a bitch to be around and I knew it. I just couldn’t seem to do anything about it — except stay hidden in my cube as much as possible to minimize the damage to others.

I’m so tired exhausted. My life feels frustratingly… frayed. And fraying. I need rest.

But how do you rest when all your "stuff" stands up and smacks you in the face at the very time you’re trying to fall asleep?

Tonight I took the night off from everything and just spent some time with Jesus. I didn’t do any big study. Nor did I read the books that will facilitate my healing and recovery. Rather I just sat here and listened to specific music that always draws me to Jesus’ feet, read a bit from His Word and spent the evening staring into His eyes.

I came across Psalm 91 and saw what I think is the solution to my need: I will curl up in the shadow of the Almighty and find refuge under His wing. His Word declares I will find the rest I so desperately need there. So I’m gonna take Him at His Word.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. — Psalm 62:5-6

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." — Jesus

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So Country

So I just finished watching (via TiVo; recorded late last week) what has been billed as "The Hills meets Nashville" or something like that. It was….um, interesting.

I watched mainly because I love seeing Nashville sights, whether in person or on television. Plus, a friend who worked at the West End Starbucks until recently talked often about the regular (as in daily) visits several in the film crew made to pick up their dose of caffeine and give a tidbit on where/what they were filming that day. It all got me curious to know what it would be like.

Sadly, it’s just not worth watching. It has had great potential; a series exploring the lives of musicians/songwriters and the difficulties of breaking into an already crowded industry in a town where over half the population claims "singer/songwriter/musician" as their true profession (and the other half is either in health care or a student — or works for LifeWay). It’s an intriguing premise and could have not only been entertaining but very informative for all those aspiring musicians dreaming, hoping and planning to make the trek to Nashville to mine their golden futures some day soon.

Unfortunately the series completely misses this mark, settling instead for banal "dialog" (or what passes as dialog in these counterfeit reality shows) and junior high level "relationship issues." It is insulting to all serious musicians, in my opinion; portraying them as shallow and simple-minded rather than the passionate, deep thinkers I have known. And, frankly, the show is just down right boring to watch; slow-moving and uninteresting.

On the positive side, the music was good.

….

….[insert sound of crickets chirping here]…

I do have to say it was good for one thing. I got a huge laugh at the end of the hour when this montage of "coming up on ‘Nashville’" (ooooo!) came up. It had a clip of one of the Nashville "natives" (or at least "veterans") — I don’t remember what her name was — talking about how she was gonna teach the newbie "country girl" a lesson. She punctuated her declaration with, "Welcome to the big city!"

I about fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard! This dumb blond who obviously thinks she is too cool for color teevee was all up on her high horse — without the horse! You are real country if you think Nashville is "the big city," honey. Puh-leeze. Nashville ain’t no big city by any stretch of the imagination. I moved here from Los Angeles. Now, that’s the big city. But Nashville? Not hardly.

Here’s a tip for anyone considering watching an episode of "Nashville." Don’t. Skip the show and spend that time exploring the real thing instead. I promise you your time will be much better spent.

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Stepping Off the High Dive

My heart is racing and my knees are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time
to take the leap of faith
So here I go
                  

I’m diving in, I’m going deep
In over my head, I want to be
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,
in over my head, I want to go
The river’s deep, the river’s wide,
the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim, I’m diving in — Dive, Steven Curtis Chapman

I remember hearing Erwin tell the story of his childhood experience with the high dive; how he climbed the ladder excitedly but once he got to the top, stood on the diving board and looked down, he realized just how far he had to fall and wanted to take the ladder back down. However, this "big, mean" older boy refused to let him pass, saying, "you’re not coming back this way!" So thanks to his big brother Alex — the "big, mean" boy who wouldn’t let him pass 🙂 — Erwin jumped off the high dive. And lived. And jumped again and again because he loved the thrill so much. But that first step off the board was a killer. Erwin was practically frozen in fear and but for the force of his big brother he would never have taken it.

I’ve stepped off a high dive of my own. I came to a powerful realization over a month ago and started taking baby steps toward healing, recovery and wholeness. But that was just the last few steps up the ladder, and across the board to the edge. I realized I had to choose to jump or I would spend the rest of my life wandering back and forth across the board, staring at the Life I could have, staring at it but never living it. I paced that diving board and stood at the edge for several weeks, struggling with the decision before me and the consequences that would follow. Finally I made my decision and stepped off.

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here — "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot

This is a good thing, a very good thing, this step I’ve taken. Make no mistake about that. But it’s also the scariest thing I’ve ever done. It alters the way I live for the rest of my life. Every day that passes I realize more and more the wisdom of the motto, "One day at a time." It’s just too overwhelming to think about how I will find the strength to live this new way, except to take it in bite-sized pieces; one day at a time, one minute at a time, holding on to Jesus every step of the way.

I am so grateful for His constant presence! Our amazing unfathomable Three-In-One God has made His intimate, dwelling/abiding in me evident every moment of the day. I often awaken to His eyes intently gazing into mine, and at night He sits with me as I weep with the pain of grief, sorrow and fear. He comforts me, holds me and constantly encourages; saying things like, "you can do this," "I am here and we will do it together," "I will catch you when you fall," "one day at a time… one thing at a time." He has also put in my life people who have been so supportive, loving and gracious, and He’s placed me in a city where help for healing, recovery and wholeness is readily available. I look over the landscape of my life and see that He has been preparing me, preparing my life, for this stepping-off moment, this diving in from the high dive, for a very long time; longer I’m sure than what I can (or will ever) see.

I am afraid scared out of my mind and I don’t have any idea how I will accomplish all that is before me — and I know there will be times when I fall and must start again. But I also know I’m not alone in my fight. And that makes all the difference in the world (I don’t know
how people live without Jesus!).

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Eph 3:20-21

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Beauty for Ashes

Who believes what we’ve heard and seen? Who would have thought God’s saving power would look like this? — Isaiah 53, The message

This week I’ve been listening to Beth Moore’s study, "Breaking Free" on my way to and from work. I just really need to revisit the study and remind myself of the truths within, so I’ve been listening to my cds of it. One morning Beth pointed out that before we can get to Isaiah 61 — the theme for the study — Isaiah 53 has to happen. 61 just isn’t possible otherwise. Jesus has to go through
the pain, the scorn, the torture and death — and resurrection — before we can have freedom,
healing, and beauty in exchange for our chains, puss-filled wounds, and ashes. I’ve somewhat camped in Isaiah 53 the rest of this week. Listen to this:

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew
pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down
on him, thought he was scum.

Jesus was completely unattractive, even looked down upon by people. For some reason I’d forgotten about that. What an amazing thing this is. Jesus can truly identify with all of us who’ve felt… ugly, for lack of a better word; those of us who know we don’t measure up to the high standard of beauty in our culture (or perhaps any culture) because He himself was considered unattractive, even ugly by society. He is truly a Redeemer for all us little guys!

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.

I just want to wrap myself up in this and stay here the rest of my life. All the the things wrong with me, all of them, Jesus carried to the cross, on the the cross, and then  left them there. I know I’ve made this point before, recently even, but every time I come up against it these days I can’t help but sit in stunned silent awe. How can this be?? Everything in my life, everything is covered and redeemable. Do you really get the significance of that?

Listen, there are secret sins we all carry — bury; you have done this, I most certainly have; we all do this, or have done it at some point. We bury this one (or several) sin in the the deepest crevasse we can find in our heart and pretend it doesn’t exist, no matter how many times it revisits us or we revisit it, because it is just too awful; we cannot believe God will forgive us for it. Haven’t you ever wondered how Ted Haggard survived his double life, or Larry Craig either? They hid it from even themselves, down in that deep crevasse. Yet Jesus is Redeemer of even that. Even those dark, "horrible" secret sins we do not even dream of talking about nonetheless confessing, even those are covered by His blood. Forgiven. Gone. Over. Forever! When we truly grasp that reality, we start finding freedom; real honest to God freedom.

We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost. We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong, on him, on him.

Isn’t this good! Isn’t this amazing!

He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn’t say a word. Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence.

Little rabbit chasing here… This is odd to me now that I’ve heard lambs/sheep/goats being carried off to be slaughtered. They don’t go quietly. They make a whole lotta noise (it often sounds like babies or children crying, if you want to know the truth; pitiful and disturbing, really) and a whole lotta fuss. You have to hold them by their legs and carry them across your shoulders. Otherwise they’ll do their best to skitter off. —- It’s just an odd analogy to me now, to compare Jesus to a noisy lamb, bound and held, being carried off to its death. Especially since it says "he took it all in silence." Can anyone explain this part?

Justice miscarried, and he was led off— and did anyone really know what was happening? He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people. They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, even though he’d never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn’t true.

Still, it’s what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life. And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.

Out of that terrible travail of soul, he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," as he himself carries the burden of their sins. Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly— the best of everything, the highest honors— because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest. He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep.  —- Isaiah 53, The Message

He took up the cause of all the back sheep. That’s me! I’m am so a black sheep. Oh, thank God I have such a champion!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.  — Isaiah 61:1-4

The ugly girl with nothing but ashes for a life gets the ultimate beauty pageant crown. Now that’s a real Hollywood ending.

Then [Jesus] rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat
down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." — Luke 4:20-21

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! — 2 Cor 9:15

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Dear Facebook, What the—???

Facebook, Facebook, Facebook… what are you doing???

The whole reason I stayed and filled out my profile with you is because you promised me everything there is kept as private as I desire. You force us to use our real names, not allowing us to use our typical Internet pseudonyms, with the promise that all our information is completely within our control and will not be released to the general public unless we say it’s okay. And then you turn around and sell us down the river of search bots so all that personal, private information meant only for reconnection with real live friends is now available to any search engine with an unethical bent and a good search bot. Dang, that hurts.

HT: Music City Bloggers

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Being Bing

My friend Bing has just landed in Moldova for a year of serving God in whatever capacity He needs — working with orphanages, mentoring young girls, and all manner of other ways. She graduated from Belmont University this spring and while most of her (former) classmates are settling into their new careers and getting used to a descent paycheck, Bing is half-way around the world working for Jesus and living off donations from fellow Followers.

Bing’s heart is bigger than Russia and she fills it up completely with
people. She loves all shapes, sizes, colors and kinds — but especially
little people (we call them "children"). She’s also incredibly intelligent — brilliant, really — and very witty and charming. You just can’t help but fall in love with her the moment you meet her. She is A-mazing.

Bing’s been to Moldova multiple times (our church has yearly trips; this year there were a record 65 people on the three teams that served two weeks in three cities in Moldova) but started feeling God tugging on her heart to spend a year there earlier this year. I am so excited and so proud of her for taking this huge step of faith and following Jesus to this little corner of eastern Europe. I know God is going to blow her mind with all He does while she’s there. I can’t wait to hear about it all!!

Do me a favor… check out her fresh new blog and maybe leave her a quick encouraging comment — and then add her to your blog reader, or weekly blog reading list. You will not be disappointed, I promise.

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Real Debate, Real Value

Real debate; honest to God, true, respectful even if passionate debate is of immense value. It opens doors to deeper understanding, better communication and lasting change.

Sadly, when you watch these televised debates of candidates you usually get a lot of fake/faux debating and a lot bullshit you have to shovel through to find the one teeny-tiny diamond they pooped out during their two hours of windbagging. I experienced just such drivel when I tried to watch a recent local debate between the two run-off candidates for Nashville mayor and I tuned out after about three minutes. It was obvious that one candidate was incredibly fake and his opponent was just boring. I don’t remember their names… maybe someone in town can help; the faker was the guy claiming to have made a ‘pledge’ to not raise property tax and goading his opponent to do the same; the opponent, the boring one, was himself obviously bored with the first guy’s nagging. Neither one impressed me. Me thinks Nashville’s in trouble… but I digress.

As I said, usually these debates are void of any real honest-to-God debate on a real-people level. It’s all posturing and politicking. Tonight’s Republican debate on Fox News Channel, however, became a whole different ballgame about half-way through. And a whole lot of fun!

Two candidates — well, all the candidates, really but two in particular — really got into it about Iraq and what needs to happen now. Ron Paul was passionate and forceful and so was Mike Huckabee, in his own way. —-You can tell the guy’s a Southern Baptist pastor. He talks like it — not in rhetoric, but in cadence and calm demeanor. —Both made very good points; very good points.

I agreed and disagreed with both, and each gave me much to consider. But the thing that really got me most excited is that this is exactly the kind of debate going on in the American public. This is what we voters are tussling with, struggling with, grappling with and trying to come to some sort of conclusion about. Both men argued passionately, yet respectfully, the main points that so encompass the public and private debates happening across dinner tables, lunchroom tables, water-coolers and living rooms all over the country:  Do we admit error and miscalculation in going into Iraq and pull out or are we whining just because it’s hard and ugly and nasty; do we need to just suck it up and realize this is what war is, and not the stuff we see in movies? Are we a divided country that needs to admit failure in Iraq and regroup around an exit strategy or one country that needs to unite around the decisions of leaders and stay in the fight to the finish?  Is this about humility or is it about honor?

Tonight’s debate was good because, finally, at least two politicians truly entered the real debate going on in the American public. Finally, for at least a moment, there was no rehearsed speechifying, practiced disgust or feigned anger. There was only passion, conviction and debate that was real and valuable and honest. Oh my gosh how rare that is! Not even Reagan’s "There you go again," can compare with the Paul/Huckabee mini-debate tonight. Would that all the debates from here on would be thus.

PS — On top of a moment good debate, I learned a new word tonight: complementarity. I thought the guy was just making it up, as people are wont to do these days (all too often!). But it’s for real. Check it out. Who knew politicians actually know what they are saying when they use big words?

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First Impressions

Have you ever just gotten a bad vibe from someone from the first meeting and every subsequent dealing with them seems to confirm the yucky feeling you got the first time?

Yeah… I had that happen recently. And now everything that person is involved in feels tainted. I know it isn’t, in reality. At least I don’t think it’s all tainted (crossing my fingers and praying!). But it all feels… diminished. Less that what it was before.

Which is really sad, and very difficult to know how to handle because I’m much attached to most of it. Attached in attraction and attached in commitment. But now I don’t want to be attached at all. The attraction is very diminished. But I’m already committed — guess I should have looked closer before I leaped.

I know Grace is in order here. Giving grace for hard times, for
struggles, for character faults. Goodness knows I need grace constantly! And I’m willing to give it…
I think. I just don’t want to be around the person if I don’t have to
be. And now I find myself avoiding places and events I think they will
be at simply so I don’t have to deal with feeling yucky after running
into them. Not good.

I wonder if first impressions are generally right more than wrong. I realize some people I meet are not having a good day or are just having a rough go of life at the moment. I know I would want someone to give me a second chance, a chance to redeem myself, if they met me on a bad day or during a rough spot in life.

But even in those hard, rough, times you can generally get a sense of a person’s character, don’t you think? It is never more on display than when a person is under stress, I think. That’s when you really find out what a person is made of.

There have only been a few times that I can think of when my first impression turned out to be incorrect (but I’m willing to admit my memory is rather faulty at times). I wonder, is that because I read most people right, or because I just choose to accept my first impression as truth and always see them that way?