It’s no secret I struggle, or that I struggle a lot and deeply. I wish I could be one of those amazingly together women who are calm in crisis, joyful in suffering and wake up singing with the birds like Snow White.—But then, none of you who are my friends would find me as endearing as you do right now, right? 😉
Truth is, I’m more like Lily Tomlin in "9 to 5" or Josie Grossy in "Never Been Kissed" than any of my Disney princess heroines. I once told someone I was about as feminine and at home in a dress as Whoopi Goldberg. I was thinking of her character in Ghost and in my mind seeing her walking down the street looking more like a drag queen than a real woman. That’s how I feel when I try to play dress up and look all "sexy."
Recently I saw Whoopi in a comedy special on Bravo. She didn’t look at all awkward in her own skin. Rather she looked completely comfortable with herself, her body, her femininity, her womanness. I Googled her image and came across this photo. She looks decidedly vulnerable and feminine to me, beautiful. I realized I’ve completely misjudged her as a woman.
Maybe I’ve misjudged myself too.
Tonight I came across this post by Emily McGowin. She’s a new discovery for me, and a blessing that I was in desperate need of tonight. My sexuality (apparently) took quite a beating at a very young age. It cowers in the corner most days and other days beats the living crap out of itself for merely existing. No, I’m not at all one of those amazing women who has it all together. I need to be reminded often that I don’t have to be, that God loves me just the way and how I am, that, as Emily says,
"there is nothing in you that is inherently un-feminine or un-womanly. Being female, being feminine, is something very personal."
I needed to hear that tonight. I needed someone to celebrate my womanness for me because I just couldn’t do it myself. Now I think I can, at least for tonight. Come celebrate with me, won’t you?
This is for all you girls about 42
Tossin’ pennies into the fountain of youth
Every laugh, laugh line on your face
Made you who you are today
This one’s for the girls
Who’ve ever had a broken heart
Who’ve wished upon a shooting star
You’re beautiful the way you are
This one’s for the girls
Who love without holdin’ back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This One’s for the girls
Lu,
I love your blog. I didn’t realize there were a number of women out there doing this, too. I’m so glad my message ministered to you. I’ve had my own “crisis of womanhood” in the past four years, but I’ve reached a place of contentment with my unique “brand” of femininity. I have a number of women friends who are on that road too. Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey.
Grace and peace (to be who God made you),
Emily
Last year I read Donald Millar’s book about masculinity – well, ostensibly it’s about growing up as a guy without a dad and learning to let God ‘father’ him and teach him to be a man. It’s quite a good book, though not as charmingly/annoyingly self-involved as Blue Like Jazz.
I think my favorite part is where he is speaking to a group of boys about how to be a ‘real man.’ How do you know if you are really a man? John Eldridge suggests real men ride wild horses and go on quests and also know how to cry and love a woman. Promise Keepers has all this stuff about about being the leader in your home, and so on.
A guy could come away from that – not to mention from the larger culture / media scene – feeling like a real loser, because he’s not brave and strong and musclebound or a husband and father or an elder in your church or a hit with the ladies or whatever.
What does it really mean to be a man?
Donald Miller says you are a real man if you have a penis. That’s right. God has spoken. You are a man, and nobody can tell you you aren’t.
I think he’s onto something, and for us as women too. Your chromosomes, Lu, say that you are one of us! It’s not about flowers and dresses and teacups and sugar and spice and everything nice.
You are woman: God has spoken.
Marti – thank you! Cool stuff… I have a friend in LA who often struggles with the whole “Wild At Heart” thing as well. There used to be these men’s retreats at Mosaic, I can’t remember now what they were called but something very manly, but my friend said he often felt out of place because he didn’t see himself as that macho warrior guy that the underlying message of the weekend defined all men as. Anyway, yeah, I’ve read a few books on womanhood and found them to be sorely lacking – at least in defining me or making me feel better about being a woman.
Emily – Thank you so much for your comment. I got up this morning and felt silly for posting this and decided I’d just pull it down. Then I checked my email and saw your comment. Thank you.
Drop by often. Yes, there are many of us out here in blogville. It’s a wonderful sisterhood to belong to.
the mosaic men’s retreat is called highlander.
i love you lu.
Niza – I love you too!
So my ‘special friend’ or whatever he is now, Tom, is taking his two kids on a ‘King’s Kids’ trip in a certain large Asian country this summer. And their outreach has a ‘Celtic’ theme, Tom just found out. Upshot is my big Aussie friend has to go around wearing a kilt this summer, and so does his all-boy 10-year-old son. They aren’t too excited about it! But… real highlanders ought to be able to wear skirts and know they are still men ; – )