I’ve figured out why Nashville hasn’t gotten a whole lot of rain the last few months. It came to me this morning at some ungodly-a.m.-dark-hour when I heard the rain slapping against the roof and heard the rumbling thunder. It hasn’t rained because I haven’t washed my car.
But praise be to God! I washed it yesterday and lo-and-behold: Rain this morning!
Sorry Nashville! Didn’t realize our weather was so dependent on my car being clean.
Sista Smiff‘s mom cracks me up! Go check out the advice and warnings she regularly dispenses to her kids.
It seems my last post started a few people thinking. Among them is Larry, my always intelligent, curious, warrior-hearted dear friend. He has a way of taking the things I mean as sarcastic slams at my current "lot in life" (and often passive-aggressively at God) and turning them into positive images of God’s love. How does he do that??
Larry took my rant, drenched it in God-focus and came out with this:
Still, we’re all chew toys to someone or something. God is completely serious about making us able to live in His kingdom.[…] We bear God’s toothmarks in direct relationship to how much we let him love us, and I suppose that starts with learning how much we need his love. Sometimes finding and picking up that stray sheep isn’t a gentle process. I’m convinced that God makes it as gentle as possible, but I hang on to my old deadly ideas with a death grip that only loosens with time and experience. Maybe it’s God’s saliva dripping over me that dissolves the old ways of living and seeing and thinking. (emphasis mine)
I know it sounds crazy, but I like the idea of bearing God’s teethmarks. It’s kind of like bearing His imprint, having His fingerprints all over my life, except with a long-lasting mark (fingerprints can be wiped off, after all). They aren’t like the open wounds from an angry dog, but they do leave punctures in my soul. I know ultimately it’s a good thing; it means He’s making me into something new. I just wish His teeth weren’t so sharp.
I realize they have to be that way to fend off attackers and soul-stealers. I’ve seen God bare those sharp babies at my enemies. It’s truly a beautiful sight to behold. I remember reading somewhere that God just starts to get up from His throne and Satan and his minions scatter like roaches when the lights come on. If He can cause evil to tremble and hide without even baring His sharp teeth, think of how much more He accomplishes in protecting us when He does.
Yet for all my talk of embracing the idea of bearing God’s teethmarks, I’m still fighting against the reality that I’m His personal chew toy. I guess everyone wants to believe they were created for a noble purpose. I’m no different. Being gnawed and slobbered on till I’m like soggy rawhide just doesn’t sound lofty to me at all. Yet, when I view it through Larry’s eyes, I can see its exaltation.
This is the core of our preaching. Say the welcoming word to God—"Jesus is my Master"—embracing, body and soul, God’s work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That’s it. You’re not "doing" anything; you’re simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you. That’s salvation. With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: "God has set everything right between him and me!" — Romans 10:8-10 The Message
What I’m getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you’ve done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I’m separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure. — Phil 2:12-13 The Message
I don’t think I get it yet. I don’t think I’ve connected yet with what this whole Abundant Life thing is all about.
I keep getting confused. I keep thinking it’s all about doing something. Whether its great or small doesn’t matter. Its just about doing something. But that doesn’t seem to be God’s intention for me.
Oh, I’m doing stuff. I’ve been so buried in school work lately that I’ve barely had time to think. And I’ve also got work and church stuff and friends…
I’m talking about the Big Mission Thing; that big Purpose for living thing that most people seem to have (or is that just my imagination?). You know, that thing that grabs you and holds you in its grip and says, "you must see me through to the end. Only you can do it!" with so much intensity that you cannot refuse. I hear people talk about it all the time. About how this one thing took hold of them and they had-had-had to see it done. Or how they’ve dreamed about a particular thing all their lives and just couldn’t rest until they’d accomplished that.
I have no such cause, no such dreams, no such… anything. I’ve always wanted one. Just one, I’m not selfish. I don’t need a bunch. I just wanted one powerful, compelling all-consuming Mission to overtake me and drive me down a path of radical change for the world around me. But I never got it, never had it. Not even one.
I just have life. And God. And that’s it.
He keeps asking me why that’s not enough. Why He’s not enough for me.
I don’t have an answer. At least not one that makes sense. I mean, how do you tell the God of all creation, the Alpha and Omega, the God who’s so compassionate and gracious that He gave His own life so that I could live without condemnation, how do you tell Him that He’s not enough?
That’s why I say I don’t think I get it yet. God seems to want me to just Be, to just rest in Him and be who He’s transforming me into, while everything in me screams that I must Do; that doing is the only thing that makes life worth living. "Without the doing, what’s the point??? I can ‘Be’ in heaven. Why leave me here??"
God doesn’t answer that question, except to say, "for My good pleasure."
Great. I’m some chew-toy for God? That’s nice.
For those of you newbies just stopping in, this may seem disrespectful. I assure you, I have the greatest respect for God. I once heard Beth Moore describe agape love as "high regard or esteem". That’s an over-simplified paraphrase of her 45-minutes on the subject, but it serves my purpose here. I do hold God in the highest regard/esteem. He is my life. He is my Beloved. He is all I have.
Perhaps that’s part of my struggle. It scares me out of my mind to put all my hope and trust in one place. Its not…. it’s not "safe".
But I’m not meaning disrespect with my chew-toy comment. I’m just pissed off that God won’t give me what I ask for. And God seems to know that I will eventually come back and sit with Him, ready to talk about it again.
This is an on-going battle I have with God, this need for Purpose beyond just "Being". And I suppose, like Jonah, I’ll be stuck in this particular whale belly until I can truly surrender to it. I’m trying. This weekend I again wrestled with God over it all, with neither of us giving an inch. I’m just not ready to surrender yet to something that makes no sense to me at all. I just don’t get it yet.
We interrupt this blog to talk about something completely inane, but frustrating as he–ck!
America must be deaf. And really, really stupid. American Idol contestant Hayley makes it through to the top twelve while Sabrina doesn’t?? Worse yet, Sanjaya (or however you spell his name) makes it into the top 12 and Sundance doesn’t?? What the…???
And yes, I voted. Over and over and over and….. It’s just that I’m out-numbered by the really stupid, stupid tone-deaf people out there.
We now return you to more the important issues of life…
I did a Google search and discovered that Snopes.com confirms this bill is real. Originally called the Breast Cancer Protection Act of 1997, it was first introduced to Congress in 1997, and re-submitted nearly every year since. Each year it never sees the light of the floor of Congress, but rather is referred to various committees for "further study."
I’m thinking there’s been enough "study". It’s time to DO. Snopes urges that, rather than sign a petition, perhaps contacting and pressuring your local congressman/woman is now in order. I agree.
This has gone on long enough. Either bring the bill to a vote, or kill it for good, but stop playing with the lives of women suffering through cancer.
My Congresswoman is Marsha Blackburn and I intend to contact her within the week and request she move this bill forward and not let it languish in committee another year. I urge you to do the same. If you live in Tennessee you can find the list of our Representatives here, or go to the House of Representatives’ official site and type in your zip code to find your specific representative.
Go!
I received this email this morning. It’s an important issue to me because I had a friend die of breast cancer, and another woman important to me is currently walking through it. I would guess that pretty much every woman has been affected by this issue – either you know someone or you are that someone who is a cancer survivor. Please read the message below then click on the link and sign the petition. Perhaps together we can make a difference. May God richly bless all of you.
A mastectomy is a procedure that removes a woman’s breast in order to remove cancerous cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterward. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let’s give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery. It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important. Please take the time and do it quickly!
Breast Cancer Hospitalization bill — Important legislation for all women.
If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times. If you’re receiving this, it’s because I think you will take the 30 seconds to go sign the petition on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same. There’s a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It’s about eliminating the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their weg page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed.
PLEASE sign the petition by clicking on the link below. You need not give more than your name and zip code. PLEASE pass this on to your friends and family on behalf of all women.
http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php
That’s what I said as I watched the credits roll through the beginning of tonight’s episode of 24. Seems Tim Iacofano (pronounced Ice-ah-fahn-oh) directed this episode, and has been a producer of 24 since 2003 (is that when the show started??). I remember Tim when he worked as an executive for Paramount Pictures’ Network Television division (I can’t remember now what his title was when he left — VP of Production??).
Anyway, I always thought Tim was a cool dude, even though I didn’t know him very well.
I have a silly story that doesn’t involve him personally, just his name. I was filling in for another executive assistant up in the admin building one day (this was on the Paramount lot) and I got a call from a woman who was very insistent her call was expected by the senior executive (one of Tim’s bosses). She wasn’t on my "put through" list so I inquired further into her claim. Eventually, in exasperation, she said she was, and I’m quoting directly now, "a good friend of Tim Iya-coh-fano (how most people who don’t know Time would pronounce his last name phonetically) and he told her to call this executive (who was actually Tim’s boss)."
I had to give her points for chutzpah. But then I kindly told her I knew she wasn’t a good friend of Tim Ice-ah-fano’s, because if she were she’d at least know how to properly pronounce his name.
She hung up on me. Imagine!