Ever had to do this? Ever had to amend your dreams because reality cut in on your dance? It kinda sucks. But, that’s life I guess.

I called the bank yesterday afternoon and got a reality check. Turns out I hadn’t really been allowing enough for taxes/registration, etc. So the amount of car I can afford went down a couple of thousand. A new car is pretty much out of the picture at this point. And some of the cars I’d been looking at are definitely out.

It was sooo cool to get so many comments yesterday — and from some I hadn’t heard from in a while too!! Yippee! Thanks everyone for the great comments/conversation. I so appreciate any and all advice and ideas I can get on this one! Never does the single life feel as lonely as when I have to make a huge decision like this. Yuck. On the other hand, I don’t have to compromise with someone else on what I want. Which is a very good and fun thing. I just have to compromise with the bank and my finances. Which  brings me back to the point of this post.

My dream car has been a Prius for about a year now. A Honda hybrid just hasn’t been as appealing, but it still makes a good second choice. However, they have just priced them completely out of my range. It makes me so angry at times. How will we ever be able to gain our freedom from gas-dependence and from OPEC as long as car companies insist on overpricing hybrids and leaving the common middle-to-working class buyer completely out of the market? We are the ones who do the most driving. Back and forth to work. Back-and-forth. Back-and-forth. Grrr. And with gas prices as crazy as they are, and promising to get crazier as life goes on with no hope of ever coming back to sanity, hybrids or at least really good mileage cars, are a moral and financial imperative. This is when capitalism drives me nuts. Normally I’m a huge fan of the free-market capitalist society. But times like this, when big companies call the shots and us regular people suffer the consequences and pay the price — literally — I’m about ready to call for government regulation. An absolute sin in the Republican/Conservative word. But who cares about politics when I’m trying to buy a good car?? Certainly not me.

I don’t know how so many people are able to afford cars to begin with. Man, they are expensive! I think I earn a decent living. I earn much, much more than when I first started yet. Yet I can still barely afford a new Civic. It’s unbelievable.

Now, granted, I’m trying not to finance more than about $14k at the most. But still, you would think that for $19-$20K out the door I should be able to get a really good, mid-luxury kind of car. You know, something that’s more than a beginner buyer out of college would get. Something like a new Camry or Accord. But nope. Those are WAYYYYY out of my league. Unless I want to pay over $300/month. Which I think is outrageous. I’m looking at keeping my payments between $275-$290/mo which is as low
as I can seem to get them in order to get a nice car with low miles. But even then, I’m looking at 3-year old cars. I could get a lower monthly payment by getting an older, or less appealing car. But, dang man! I’m 40 years old. I want to drive something nice and reliable. Not just something that doesn’t cost a lot. Aaaaauugggghhhh.

Perhaps my thinking is out of whack with reality, I don’t know. Do most people pay that much a month for a car? That just seems crazy to me.

Part of the problem, too, is that I really want to save money and start going to college in the next year. I need to not spend that much on a car each month, so I can put some aside for school/savings.

And part of the problem is I just hate debt. And the thought of being so in debt for a car just freaks me a little. But I guess that’s just something I have to get over in this new world of overpricing.

Now I’m looking at buying a used car. One with low miles and good reputation. Still looking at the Element. Still looking at the Acura I was in the last post. Still considering the Dodge. I’ve now added a used Beetle Convertible I found at Carmax or a new hard top I could afford — the woman at my bank’s negotiations office suggested that one.

I never did well with constantly shifting options. I don’t exactly know why. Is it my personality or something else? Whatever the reason, I tend to do better when I have more time to consider and then less time to deal with anxiety when the time comes to implementing my plans — in this case buying the car.

I keep clinging to God’s promises to be with me and to provide for my needs. But I still suffer from a good strong case of the nerves. So many things to think about, so little time to really mull them over (Yeah, I guess I’m a big "J" after all, Wendy).  I get scared that I’ll later regret my purchase, regret spending so much each month on my car.

And lest you think I’m just freaking out because it’s a car. Ha. Let me set you straight. I freak out at any large purchase. And at every major commitment. I freaked at committing to 4 years on a team that I’d not spent any time with overseas — turned out I was right to do so, but that’s a story for another post. I freaked out when the SBC office I was temping for told me if they hired me they wanted me to make a 3-4 year commitment to the job (what the….????). Needless to say, I didn’t say yes. I will probably freak when my future husband asks me to marry him. It’s just the whole idea of not having an escape clause, just in case I get into something and discover its a complete hornets nest and I need out fast.

Man, I sound like a control freak, huh. Perhaps I am. But God seems bent on changing this whole facet of my personality. Or at least loosening me up. Pretty much my whole life for the last 6 years has been one long constant stepping out in faith, facing my fears head-on and and choosing to trust God for the seeming impossible. I don’t take much time to look back and marvel at where I came from. The present always seems to captivate my attention and keep me tied up in concern — and occasionally, awe. But every once in a while, I look back in wonder and amazement at all He brought me through, all He’s done for me and all I have become since the new millennium began.

The night my car died, God took me back to an old, once familiar passage that I hadn’t looked at in a while, Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For
if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the
death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be
saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

"Since we were reconciled, how much more…." It rang through my head. And my heart. I heard God whisper, "how much more will I give you, my precious daughter! How much more will I provide. I met you at your point of need even before you knew you needed. Just because I adore you. How much more will I give you now that you know your are My beloved and are committed to becoming all I dream for you? How much more!"

And that’s what I cling to right now. That’s what I use to calm my fears and settle my nerves. I just keep crying out to Him, "Help me choose the best!" and believing in "how much more" He has for me.