It’s such an odd
word, isn’t it? I mean, just look at it a moment and ponder. It just looks odd. But it’s the meaning of the word that gets us the most.

v., -dered, -der·ing, -ders.
v.tr.
To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.
Law. To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.
v.intr.
To give oneself up, as to an enemy.

Surrender. I think that’s what it all comes down to.

We’re all broken. We all struggle with what it really means to follow Jesus, to live a "purpose-filled" life and be "on-mission" with God.  Most of us secretly fear
that we will somehow miss "it" — or perhaps have already missed it.

But ultimately, this is a day-t0-day journey.

I think we’ve taught each other lies. Lies Satan longs for us to believe. Lies that whisper, "you’re no good. You can’t even figure out what it is exactly that God put you on this earth for."  "You’ve missed it. You’ve missed your purpose, your Divine Moment. And it’s gone forever." "Keep struggling. Keep agonizing. Keep focusing on those unrealized dreams. And keep banging your head against that unforgiving Wall of the Unknown. Eventually you’ll figure out that big secret God keeps hidden behind that wall, the Secret of Your Purpose."

I have more questions than I have answers. Last week in small group I discovered I wasn’t alone in this. Pretty much everyone in our group said they didn’t have a big picture of what their purpose is either.  But last Wednesday I finally got it.

I’ve always expected My Purpose to be something big. I always thought that God would eventually pull back a curtain and suddenly I’d see it, in all it’s grandeur and glory. My Purpose. My Reason for Being Alive on This Earth. It would be larger than life. It would be all-encompassing. It would be a defined path, a specific task, a Grand Plan.

I worked hard to be faithful in the routine, as Erwin said, so that I could at some point in my life see the radical. And that’s what I expected my purpose, my reason for being on this earth, to be: Radical. Life-alteringly radical.

What God whispered to me all this week — and, really, for some time now — is that it is in the daily, hourly choices that my purpose lies. It’s in the living in the moment every moment that the reason for my being alive can be found. That my purpose isn’t a big, Grand Plan kind of deal. It’s a daily choosing, daily living, daily impacting, daily imprinting kind of deal. It isn’t found in the Big Reveal. It comes in the Daily Discovery package of Life.

No offense, God, but I think that kinda sucks. Its not nearly as good, as exciting, as grand and cool as my idea of purpose. I want the flash. I want the bang. I want the radical. I don’t want to just live my life and… Be.

Yeah, I get that others can still, and hopefully will, see You in me in just the every day stuff of life. But don’t you think that’s kinda boring? Man, I really want to have this crazy-ass life! Don’t you want that for me too?

Do I trust you?! What kinda crazy question is that? Of course, I… well…. hmmm…

I guess I really don’t. Not in this area. Not yet, anyway.

Surrender.