Monthly Archives: May 2005

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Home But Exhausted

I got home around 9pm last night…. I was dead tired. Fourteen hours of driving this weekend wiped me out. Then I got a migraine on my way home yesterday. What was that about?? Ugh. I didn’t even unpack. Just collapsed on the couch and fell asleep (Immetrex and a sleeping pill work wonders!).

I started my new job today. Meeting new people and learning new routines really wear me out. I used to think I loved change. And I did crave it. I’ve been craving and praying for a change for a while. But when it comes down to it, change scares the heck out of me. And when it hits, I invariably crawl through the first few days longing for the past and wishing I hadn’t made the change.

Eventually I’ll settle in to this new routine, and when I choose to change again, I’ll again shake in fear and long for the past… till I get used to the routine and the craving for change comes again.

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Color Me… Moderate??

Wow. I knew I wasn’t an ultra-conservative. But I never thought I’d score so close to moderate… interesting. Take it yourself and see what you think. And then come back here and post your results. I’d love to see ’em!

Your Political Profile
Overall: 60% Conservative, 40% Liberal
Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal
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More To Come

Thoughts are finally coalescing into themes. Themes God is weaving into my life and growing in my spirit. Isn’t it exciting to watch God at work, even when its in your own life. Even when it’s through pain.

Now that I’ve whetted your appetite…. I’m gonna make you wait. (yes, I’m evil sometimes).

I’m headed to Nina’s this afternoon after a half day of work. I’ll be back Sunday evening.

More to come….

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True Story

I’m currently reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. So many people had recommended it so highly that I must confess, I was rather skeptical. If so many people liked it so well it was bound to mean I wouldn’t. Not that I’m anti-society or anything… just that, for some reason, I tend to not find appealing things that others, especially fellow believers, do.

At any rate, I’m enjoying it. I wouldn’t say it’s the best book ever, or that it’s life-altering. I think its more encouraging in a literary sense than anything. It says that people just telling their story is good enough to get published. You don’t have to have it all figured out and wrapped up in a bow to get your story told. It’s okay for it to be a work-in-progress, as all authentic stories are.

Donald Miller writes very much like my roommate, Adria. Here’s a sample of Blue Like Jazz that I just read:

"Then what?" Tony asked, sort of laughing.
"Penguin sex."
"Penguin sex?"
"Yes. Penguin sex. Right there on television. I felt like I was watching animal porn."
"What was it like?" he asked.
"Less than exciting," I told him. "Sort of a letdown."
"So what does penguins having sex have to do with belief in God?" Tony asked.
"Well, I am getting to that…."

And on it goes.
Adria has a similarly dry wit and not only writes but verbally delivers these crazy one-liners and zingers with such understated tone you can’t help but bust out laughing. Then with her next breath she, like Donald Miller, will turn the tables on you and delve into the depths of the wisdom of God.

She is far too young to have this wisdom of her own accord. It has to be God’s, and she is His own human Little Dipper, plunging into the depths of Him and bringing out life-giving, drenching wisdom for all of us who are thirsty.

You need to read her latest entry, Rock and Roll Circus. For that matter, you need to read all her posts.

And watch for her name on the bookstore shelves. I believe someday soon she will give Donald Miller a run for his readers.

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Silence Is

My mom, I think, was afraid of silence. If no one would talk, she would fill the silence with her own voice, even when she really didn’t have anything to talk about. She would try to engage others in conversation but got frustrated when we didn’t want to talk. I’ve spent most of my life in my own head, not always noticing the silences — or being grateful for the few I found. So I wasn’t much help to my mom in filling the silences of life.

I’m experiencing one of those right now. A Silence of Life. But I noticed a frightening trend recently: I, too, have grown fearful of silence. Even when I’m alone I’ll have the tv on, or music playing. It’s been a rare occasion to spend time in silence. I noticed this a few weeks ago as I rode with Adria somewhere. She was in her own head and I longed to be in mine. She seemed content in the silence, but the silence felt strange to me – – not strained, as if we were estranged or something. Just strange. Foreign. I don’t like that feeling. When did I get this way?

God seems intent on bringing me fully into this silent moment, drawing me into it, begging me to turn off the noise and leave it off, calling me to be still.

I don’t know what this is supposed to accomplish. It feels like I’m accomplishing nothing, doing nothing, going nowhere. I want to get up and DO something. Anything. Especially with noise. But like a disciplining parent, God keeps putting me back on the blanket every time I roll over and crawl away. He turns of my loud-music-toys that I’ve turned on and calls me back into silence.

Perhaps this is what spiritual Nap Time looks like.

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Silent

I haven’t written in a while because what I have to write about is not for public consumption. At least not yet. Some may never be.

I know some check in frequently to see how my life in Nashville is going. Some check in to see if I have anything brilliant to say (yeah, right). Some just stop by on their way to somewhere else. Whatever you’re reason for checking in, I’m glad you do. I just wish I had something readable to write for you. Instead I only have silence to offer. I hope you understand.

Here’s what I can say about the last week…. It came and it went. I did a lot but didn’t accomplish much. I cried a lot but still don’t feel any better for the venting. I thought about a lot of things, and delved into some very deeply but I still can’t put a tidy bow on anything.

Isn’t that the way life goes with everything.

I got a new job… but I don’t know yet how I feel about it. It’s with a health care company, which is not a place I ever thought about working — for a variety of reasons. I’ll be working there part time and at my old job part time for the next month or so. And then, if we like each other, I may take the job on permanently. I’ll keep you posted.

That’s about it. Except for the things not ready for primetime public yet.