Crank-o-Meter – Extremely High

I’m so cranky today, you don’t even want to get in my space. If you have something against me and you’re looking for a fight, now’s the time to bring it on. If you want a sensible discussion, however, you better wait a few days…

I’m so tired, I just want to go back to bed and sleep for a week. I have a monster migraine, I can’t think straight, all I want for lunch is a small bag of chips but I don’t have enough change and all my usual change-hiding places are empty, and now in the course of hunting through my purse I somehow pushed the magic button my cell phone that made all the letters and numbers on the screen HUGE and left myself a voicemail full of scuffling sounds to boot.

Can I just go home and skipped the rest of the year?

Nothing

New post from me (finally) in Cup of Chai.

I need to go to bed, but thought I’d add a quick note in here too… I have several posts started, but I can’t seem to finish them at the moment. I’ve had a tremendous amount of brain-lint I guess. I’ve been all fuzzy in the head today.

I’m incredibly restless these days. My body is even showing it. I can’t keep my legs from bouncing — one is always going, even when I’m typing. Unless, of course, my laptop is on my lap, as it is now. But my legs and body are just mimicking, I think, what my spirit is feeling. I don’t know what’s going on, exactly. But it’s really starting to get on my nerves.

I went for a drive after work. Thought that would help clear my head, and I’d get to see some cool Christmas lights while I was at it.

Nashville-ites are disappointing me. They don’t decorate up their property for the holidays nearly as much as I thought they would.

I kept asking God, "what’s wrong with me?" At first He didn’t answer. Maybe He knew I wasn’t yet really listening. Finally, He spoke up.

"Nothing." He said. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are perfect in every way."

Okay, now I’m all for warm-fuzzies, but this is just plain over-the-top, don’cha think? I mean, really. There is no way on God’s green earth that I’m "perfect in every way".

But God was resolute. He would say nothing more on the subject. But He would proudly repeat Himself three times over. Finally I quit asking Him.

I’m still very restless, even though I’m now also very exhausted, a little frustrated and a tad concerned about my own sanity. I still can’t keep my legs from bouncing. I still feel like I have lint for brains….

Does God really see me as "perfect in every way"?

Mosaic – A Conversation

Lon referred to "the Mosaic Movement". Hmm…

I wouldn’t call it a movement. I like how Brian McLaren describes Emergent: it’s a conversation.

I think Mosaic is a conversation. Perhaps even a model. But I hope it never becomes a movement. A movement is what Christianity is supposed to be. Mosaic should never replace Jesus, should never even attempt to compete with Him, in that arena.

I read an article recently about the Emerging Church conference and it sounded very much like a regular Sunday morning at Mosaic, full of chaos, confusion, miscommunications, frustration on the part of some leaders because of the all the aforementioned… Yeah, that pretty much sums up many of the Sundays I spent at Mosaic/The Church on Brady.

So why did I stay? Because it is all worth it. All the chaos, frustration, confusion, miscommunication, long days, long nights… it’s all worth it. The community forged within that arena, the bonds we all share because of our common experiences and, more importantly, our common convictions and goals. I also believe in, and stand behind, Mosaic’s core values.

Core Values
Mission is why the church exists.
Love is the context for all mission.
Relevance to culture is not optional.
Structure must always submit to Spirit.
Creativity is the natural result of spirituality.

It’s an interesting thing, really. These core values were present when I first arrived, long before we changed our name to Mosaic, and even before Erwin was Lead Pastor. However, Erwin had the foresight, and insight, to distill them down to bite size phrases, as well as to sum up the main theme of our community and communicate them to a new generation of leaders hungry for community at its most primal level.

I believe the instilling of these core values into Church on Brady/Mosaic is owed to Bro. Tom, Carol Davis, and all the other staff, leaders and elders from Brady’s past. These core values expressed through people’s lives were the very things that attracted me to Brady.

I felt a strong sense of God’s presence as soon as I walked through the door. I knew the people here lived by their faith, not just expressed it on Sundays. Not only that, there was true community at Brady. I know Erwin is at times fond of talking about how he nixed the "Welcome" time because members were stepping over guests to greet each other. However, I never saw that in my years at Mosaic. In fact, to quite the contrary, I’m the product of members constantly greeting me. Even after I was serving on the sound team I was often greeted by members whom I had not yet met and who welcomed me warmly during that welcome time. I saw how much they loved the Lord through how the showered me with attention and love. I also saw servanthood modeled by staff and elders that I’d never seen before. I remember seeing a staff member straightening chairs and cleaning up trash between services. It’s an image that will long stay in my memory. My dad had served on staff and several churches, and I don’t ever remember seeing anyone on staff doing such "menial" labor. I was amazed, and I was hooked. I felt compelled to follow their leading. I also saw hope reflected in the lives of the people around me. They followed hard after Jesus, which means they often took hard blows in life. But they never gave up, never stopped serving Jesus, no matter what happened. They also never pretended to not hurt, or pretended all was well in life. They were honest about where they were and what they were feeling.

Mosaic’s roots are found in 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4. We strive to be a community:

Living by faith
Known by love
And is voice of hope to the world.

Ultimately, this is what we all strive to be at Mosaic. It’s fleshed out in the core values, but this is it at it’s most basic. If you want to be a part of the Mosaic conversation, this is the place to start. Community.

In Memoriam – William Sackheim

My former boss died last week. I worked for this great man for over eight years. It’s a sad loss for everyone. He’s was a creative genious, a wonderful husband and father, a doting and proud grandfather, and a good man. He was a sweet curmudgeon. You’d asked him how he was doing and he’d inevitably say, "Oy! Don’t ask!" He’d complain about his million-dollar home and his expensive cars not working right… Yet the moment you needed anything or showed any signs of concern over any situation, he was right there with you, willing to help in any way he could and comforting you with soothing words and kindnesses. The world will be a lesser place without him in it….

William Sackheim, 84; TV Writer, Producer Won 2 Emmy Awards
By Dennis McLellan, Times Staff Writer

Hey Lon! An Answer and A Bit of History

Wow, how’d you find out I’d quoted you…? I forgot to let you know (what I usually do when I quote someone I don’t know.)

You commented that it looks like I’ve joined the "Mosaic Movement" and wanted to know more.

Well… no, I didn’t join Mosaic. It kinda popped up around me.

See, back in 1994, I joined the Church on Brady — who’s official name was, and still is as far as I know, First Southern Baptist Church, East Los Angeles. It was originally founded in the 1940s out of a little store-front on Whittier Boulevard in East LA. It eventually moved to property on Brady Street in East LA, where it still was in the 1960s. The racial turmoil of the times caused people to drop the "Southern Baptist" part from the name of the church, preferring instead to say, "I go to that little church on Brady Street." The nickname stuck and eventually all the signs were change to The Church on Brady.

I started coming at the urging of a friend, Darla, around the end of 1993. I joined the sound team in January ’94 and joined the church a few months later. I’ve been a member there ever since. At that time Bro. Tom Wolf was the pastor. In April ’94, however, Erwin McManus was named Senior Pastor and Bro. Tom took the position of Teaching Pastor.

In 1997 we made our first foray into services at a new location — East LA College (ELAC). We planned to start meeting there full-time come January 1998 because we were outgrowing the Brady site. This presented a small problem. The Church on Brady would no longer be the church "on Brady Street." Now what? I remember some talk about what we would call ourselves… and for some reason I want to say we had kind of a naming contest going, or something… but I can’t remember. At any rate, Erwin eventually came to the name, Mosaic; the elders voted and it was decided. Mosaic we would now be.

In 1998 we moved both our morning and evening services off the Brady Street property. The only thing that still met there were our Wednesday evening classes and monthly Lord Supper services. ELAC was one of the meeting places. The second was a downtown nightclub, at that time still call the Shangri-La, once owned by Prince. We had actually looked into buying it, but when we couldn’t agree on a price it was sold to someone else. That new owner was willing to rent us the space for our "Urban" services on Sunday evening.

Unfortunately, there’s a growing misconception that Mosaic began with that "Urban" service at the SoHo (as the club was then called). This isn’t true on many levels. As I’ve pointed out, Mosaic was begun as First Southern Baptist over sixty years ago now. Also, we’d been having those Sunday night services at the Brady site for over a year before moving to the nightclub. However, up until we moved to the Mayan night club a few months ago, the SoHo had been the longest venue we’d been at since we ventured off Brady Street. I think many people hear Erwin refer to that fact and assume that Mosaic started in ’98 with that service. Just NOT true. šŸ™‚

Eventually our morning "Metro" services were moved back to the Brady site for a year or so, mid-99 thru 2001. Somewhere around April or May 2001 (I was in India at the time) Metro moved over to San Gabriel High school, and met there until March of 2004, when it moved over to the night club as well.

In 2003 we finally sold the Brady site property, and in 2004 we purchased some land in… La Puente area, I think… I’m not really sure where it is. I think it will eventually become the office facilities. And hopefully, with any grace from God, it will also become a housing facility for our overseas workers when they are in the States (a quad-type home featuring 4 2-3 bedroom apartments with laundry facilities and small kitchenettes all of which share a main large common living room-type common area has been suggested by some friends of mine…).

That’s kind of the history of Mosaic/Church on Brady/First Southern Baptist Church as it pertains to me. My involvement with it, however, and my convictions run much deeper and are more complex.

Let me see if I can detail all that out in another post… or two…

‘Tis The Season

Sorry for my silence over the weekend. I haven’t felt much like writing.

There are many thoughts swimming in my head, many conversations God and I have engaged in over the last few days. I just don’t know how to condense them down into posts… and I’m still grappling with many of the issues anyway.

One such issue is growing bigger as the days near December 25th. Last year was the hardest Christmas I ever had; the first without mom and dad.

I thought it would be easier this year. But I’m already struggling and Christmas is still 20 days away. I finally decorated up the apartment. It just felt to "sterile" not to have Christmas lights, garlands and a small Christmas tree. But it hasn’t gotten me into the "Christmas Spirit". I went for a drive yesterday and just enjoyed the beauty of decorated homes and the crisp cold of a Nashville winter night. Even during my drive my sadness deepened.

This season — Thanksgiving thru New Years’ — used to be my favorite time of year, with just the perfect blend of cold weather, warm feelings, holiday magic and incredible scents. I hope someday it will be my favorite again. Right now, it’s the time of year I feel mom and dad’s deaths most profoundly. They gained the greatest gift — finally they are Home for Christmas. But their, and heaven’s, gain is my loss.

I long to spend just one more Christmas with them. To hear mom’s laughter ring throughout the house. To smell her pies baking, taste her candies — she made the best Peanut Brittle, Fudge, Ginger Snaps and "Scotchies’ the world has ever known! — and listen to her play Christmas Carols on the piano… To hear dad read the Christmas story one more time, see him in that silly Santa hat handing out the presents… just to get one more hug and kiss from them, or lay in bed and hear them through the wall talking and laughing with each other at the end of the day…

Emotions sweep over me and threaten to overwhelm me. I cling to God’s promises to always be with me, that the water will not sweep me away nor will the flames I walk through set me ablaze.

This is a time of year portrayed in movies, commercials and church pageants as being "the most wonderful and happiest time of the year," as the song goes. But I wonder: how happy is it for most people, really.

How many others are there like me, who are just putting one foot in front of the other and praying to any god they know that they will make it through the season without a total emotional breakdown? How many turn down our invitations to our Christmas pageants because they just can’t bear to see another "It’s A Wonderful Life" like presentation about how all’s well and at peace with the world because Jesus was born? How many are haunted by memories of Christmas’s past, of Christmas wishes never realized, of holidays marked more by fear, abuse, angry words, or loss than by happiness, joy and good gifts?

Where is the Christmas place for them? Where is the place where Christmas isn’t all smiles and candy canes? Where can we experience a Christmas full of depth and meaning for a lost and broken world?

HI-Q

I took an IQ test from Tickle.com It was longer than I expected, but I eventually got through it, Sometimes I just didn’t even bother trying to figure out the answer… like with one question about two people going in opposite directions and how far apart would they be — blah, blah, blah. A mathemetician I’m not, soooo I just didn’te even bother.  I guessed. But check out my results! Pretty cool, nonetheless.

Congratulations, Lu!
Your IQ score is 120

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you’re able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that’s just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

But I had no idea what these numbers meant, so I went a-huntin’ on google and came up with  this:

Intelligence testing is a form of psychological testing of an individual’s capacity to learn and deal effectively with his/her environment. IQ (intelligence quotient) is the score of an intelligence test.
The Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale is the most widely used individually administered intelligence test (IQ test) for adults. It comprises of 11 subtests made up of six verbal subtests and five performance subtests. It yields three IQ (intelligence quotient) scores: Verbal Scale IQ, Performance Scale IQ, and Full Scale IQ. A scale for children ages 5 through 15 years is called WISC — Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children and a scale for children ages 4 to 6* years is called WPPSI–Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scale of Intelligence. Classification of Intelligence according to IQ scores….   

Normal
90 to 110

Bright normal
110 to 120

Superior
120 to 130

Very superior
130 and above

Cool! I scored on the border of "Bright Normal" and "Superior". Another site I found said, "One could reasonably equate "bright normal" with "smart," and "very superior" with "genius."

Wow. I just might be on the cusp of "genius". Of course, this is just from an internet test, but still…. makes me feel pery darn good about myself. šŸ™‚

Addendum Redux

What if we just moved Tennesee and the Carolinas overseas…? Do you think anyone would notice…?

If I could just find a way to have the beauty and majesty and culture of these three states (well, sans the overdeveloped, undernourished "churchy" stuff) and still be in a foreign place….

Isn’t It Strange

Taking a quick break from addressing envelopes for Christmas Cards… went downstairs to get something to drink from the break room and spent a little time staring out the big picture window, watching traffic pass by and the American flag waving in the wind.

As I watched our flag, I flashed back to the moment I first saw it again after my first trip overseas. I’d just spent 4 glorious days in Japan and 9 painfully culture-shock-filled days in China. I was so desperate to be back on familiar soil! Arriving back at LAX, the first American flag I saw was painted on the side of an aircraft hanger. You never saw someone with so much joy in their heart! I was so glad to see it, MY flag, staring back at me so huge and proud.

Wow, I thought. It’s so good to see that emblem again and know I am safe at last.

That was eight years ago. And for the better part of two years, whenever I saw that flag waving in the wind I felt proud, and never wanted to live somewhere it wasn’t flying.

Now, after two major stints overseas, and a whole lotta life packed into each year, each time I see the American flag waving proudly in the wind, I get a bit of a shock. As if I took a gulp of coke when I was expecting iced tea. I keep expecting to see a Greek flag, or Indian or Ethiopian or Chinese, or some other nation’s flag waving outside. And there’s a small sense of disappointment that pricks my heart when that expectation goes unrealized yet again.

Where once I felt I’d never live anywhere else, now each time I see my flag waving I wonder, what am I doing here?