Monthly Archives: December 2004

Posted on

This Will Sound Strange…

…but why do we make such a huge deal about New Year’s?

A little while ago I watched the ball drop in New York. A few minutes ago CNN was showing how various countries rung in the New Year. Fox News is now broadcasting from someplace around downtown Nashville (we have 29 minutes to go…).

Why do we do this? When did this start? What makes flipping from 11:59p to 12:00m so special just because we also go from  December 31 to January 1…?

It’s just like every other night. This happens every 24 hours. Yet every 365 (or 366) days we make a huge party out of it. Why is that? Why do people feel the need to really party it up huge this one night?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I think New Year’s celebrations are stupid or unimportant. I have several markers I "celebrate" every year. New Year’s is one of them. I just can’t seem to answer this particular question in a way that satifies my own mind. At least not tonight.

Posted on

In the News

ABC News: People of the Year: Bloggers

Watching the news and reading some of my favorite blogs… and suddenly the news was talking about… ME!

Well, okay, not me specifically. Me in universal general. Me, the blogger. US, as bloggers, to be more accurate. They declared us part of their "People of the Year" for 2004.

It may surprise you (or not) to know I started my first on-line journal back in mid-2000. I had — still have, actually, though I haven’t updated it in a year — a Yahoo/Geocities website where I started a journal. Even though adding entries was a cumbersome and frustrating process, I continued my journal until I went to India and only stopped doing it because I just didn’t have the time.

After I came back, however, I typed up most of my personal (hand written) journal entries, then copied and pasted them to Yahoo PageBuider pages, calling it "Letters from India". I loved keeping the journal — found it fun just to know that someone other than me had access to and might possibly read — and hopefully identify with — my thoughts, ideas, opinions, questions and experiences. But the frustration of trying to add entries finally got to me and I quit updating it by the end of 2001. I often wanted to start again, but just couldn’t deal with the time and energy it took to update and add text to my Yahoo site. so I was very excited when I found Blogger and discovered they do the work for me. Yippee!

Hooray for Bloggers!

Posted on

Bought It

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I wanted to finish Failing Forward and Amazon wasn’t going to ship it to me ’till mid next week (the drawback of their free shipping) and then it would take 3-5 days beyond that. Grrr! I have a nice, quiet 4-day weekend starting tomorrow and I really want to just sit and soak up a good book.

So I ran down to Borders on my lunch break and picked up a copy. It cost me $6 more than it would’ve from Amazon, but I figure it’s worth it not to have to wait (I also bought "Developing the Leader Within You", just in case I devour the rest of FF before the weekend is over).

I tend to hit a point where I just don’t have patience anymore. I’ve thought and considered and turned the idea around in my head so many times I know every nuance and facet of it. So once I’ve made the decision to go for "it" (whatever it may be), I want to move now. That doesn’t always serve me well in life, since much of life with others is waiting on them to get their crap together. But, then again, many of them have had to wait on me to make up my mind and get my crap together, so I guess in the end it all comes out even…

However, my impatience does serve me well at other times. Like today. Now I’m set for the weekend….

….And the president just stuck his head in my doorway and told me to go home now. šŸ™‚ WooHoo! No need to tell me twice. Ah, the weekend finally begins…

Posted on

Dreaming of Dead People

I wrote this yesterday…. I thought I hit "Publish" but I hit "Save as Draft" instead. Proof that my brains are full of cotton and snot right now….

December 29, 2004 — 12:30pm
I’m about to go out of my mind. I can’t think straight to save my life (how I think this entry will make sense to anyone is beyond me), my nose, which finally quite running about an hour ago, is so painful to the touch it makes me cry — which doesn’t help with the runny-ness — my throat feels like I just screamed my heart out at a Panthers game for 10 hours straight (if only!), my head is so full of cotton and snot that I can’t hear myself think — forget hearing other people talk! — my chest feels like a huge elephant has taken up residence on it and I’m so tired I’m about to do a face-plant into my keyboard even as I type (wouldn’t that be attractive — the president of the organization comes in to ask me a question and I’ve got the imprint of the F5 through F8 keys on my forehead).

I want to go home so bad I can hardly stand it. But I’m the only one on our team in the office this week, and given that my hours are getting cut back to next to nothing next week, I gotta get all I can into this week. Thank God the office is closed Friday. I have a genuine excuse to lay around the apartment all day in my pjs, doing my best death-groan and generally being as anti-social as I currently feel, but cannot express.

I miss my old life in LA very badly right now. As I hauled my lead-filled body around the apartment this morning getting ready for work, I had a potent flash of the Paramount lot — green grass, beautiful park-like settings, rows of huge airplane-hanger studios, makeup trailers and goodie carts everywhere. Oh, how I miss the campus feel of a studio lot!! Whatever you need is right at your fingertips. No need to drive anywhere. Need a dry cleaner? Over by the mailroom. Bagels and cream cheese? The cart in front of the Bluhdorn. Stocking stuffers? Go to the company store. Magazines? Snack? Smoothie? Kiosk. Hair salon? Yep, got that too.

Even the quiet after-Christmas-pre-New-Year dead-ness every studio has during this time of year would be a welcome gift to me.

Security. Belonging. Safety. Friendship. Fun. That’s what a studio lot signifies in my heart. How I long for those things right now! Oh, to go back in time, to a magical period of Paramount employment surrounded by friends and safely ensconced in my entertainment life and Mosaic world…. It would be like falling into a feathery-soft, warm bed and drawing the fluffy comforter all the way up to your chin… Warm, inviting, comforting, enveloping. Peaceful.

Ugh, just writing that made me miss my bed all the more. Isn’t it time to go home yet????

I was so ready to get another producer’s assistant job and just settle into life in LA before God stirred me up for Nashville. All I want, all I’ve really wanted all year, was to nest for a while. To curl up in a warm home and rest my head on soft pillows, like I watched Nina’s dogs do this weekend. Yes, I want to live like a dog for awhile. Someone feed me, love on me and let me hang out at home while they go do all those silly busy things of life we all get caught up in.

God stirred up my heart — dreams awakened and stretched their limbs. Energy surged. For a while I felt rejuvenate and ready to re-enter the world. That energy carried me quite a while before the dreams faltered… faded… ran for cover…. —- what did happen to them???

December arrived, bringing with it the allure of a new year. New beginnings. Fresh starts. The promise of January always arouses hope in my heart — no matter how deep its buried. Each day I got more fired up. Ready to start new ventures, make fresh starts on "old" ones. Forget turning over those leaves, let’s just rake ’em up into a pile and jump in and play awhile.

I guess I developed a case of the holiday blues along with my cold. More accurately it’s the post-holiday blues. I did okay through the holidays, but now that they’re over, some of the shine seems to have worn off the reality of life. Something about those little white twinkle lights seems to soften all of life and put a warm glow over everything. Now that Christmas is over, and it’s time to take the buggers down, life seems to have lost some of it’s magic.

Posted on

Obstacles or Opportunities?

While sitting at the airport in Charlotte this morning I checked my work voicemail and found out they are cutting my hours again. It’s official now, I’m only a part-timer. 20 hours tops. Yikes!

I struggled most of the morning with a growing self-pity over the frustrating lack of employment opportunities I’ve found in Nashville. My bills already outweigh my income. And now, losing another 10-12 hours a week, that gap becomes even bigger. But if I leave this temp agency, I lose my medical benefits. What do I do???

Having a nasty cold didn’t help my disposition. Or my thought processes.

Over and over I cried out to God to help me, to keep me from sinking in a financial quicksand…. but that was all I could think to pray: "Jesus help me!" Once I was airborne, I popped in Rita Springer’s cd, blocked out the rest of the world and focused my mind completely on God. At last I was able to think more clearly.

As I talked with God about this developing situation, I remembered the things I’d been reading and learning from Failing Forward. Things like seeing obstacles and problems as opportunities rather than chains and walls is what separates people who get stuck from people who fail forward. As all these various thoughts settled into the front of my memory, I felt a calm and peace begin to settle over me. And a determination to plow through this season so I can see what’s on the other side.

In the hours since arriving back in Nashville that feeling has faded. Perhaps its this cotton-head I have in place of a brain and the painful bright red thing that’s replaced my nose, that’s stolen my peace. I’m tired and light-headed. All I want is to sleep for a week and wake up to a new year and a new job. Perhaps even a new life.

Yet even as I type I know I already have that. Every day is a new life for me. I know in my heart I don’t feel as down and dark about the future as I currently sound. It really is the cold talking more than me when I spew that stuff…

And at the same time I am fighting a battle for my mind. I’ve been a person who’s seen obstacles as often as I’ve seen opportunities. Especially in the workplace. Makes me wonder at times if I’ve  consistently pursued the wrong vocation…

There are times when I find failure and problems and obstacles exhilarating. When I’m mixing sound, or editing some text, or writing text, or when I get a sudden inspiration and want to know or understand something deeper,  obstacles, failures and problems are challenges I take on with passion and intensity. I love solving those kinds of problems! I’ll take those on even at 6am — no minor miracle for a night owl like me.

But turn me toward problems with finances, or finding a job, or basic administrative duties and I’m suddenly paralyzed with fear, doubt and dark thoughts.

In Failing Forward, John Maxwell tells stories of various people who failed numerous times before finally realizing their dreams. In one he talks about John James Audubon, the man the Audubon Society was named for. He diligently pursued business venture after venture, all of which failed, convinced his vocation was there, and hunting and art were just hobbies. It wasn’t until his family was destitute and needed the food his hunting could provide and the money his art brought it that he finally found success.

I’ve often wondered…. how do you know when the obstacles you encounter are signposts screaming that you’re going the wrong way, and when they are mountains you need to climb to get where you want to go? How do I know the difference between problems caused because I’m on the "wrong bus," as it were, on the wrong path, and problems that are "just the price I pay to achieve my goals" (as Maxwell defines failure)?

Posted on

Merry Christmas Eve!

It’s Christmas eve! Okay, so it’s only early morning Christmas Eve, but since tomorrow… er, today… promises to be quite busy I may not get a chance to blog again until after Christmas.

We’re going to have our big turkey dinner tonight because Christmas day will be a full day of activity. Nina and Toby will be running down to Columbia to pick up Frances (their daughter) Christmas morning so she can be home for the day, Kevin, Jennifer, Jake and Kaitlyn, the family living with Nina and Toby, will also be here Christmas day, as will Stephen. So we’ll have a full, full house — and lots of activity going on.

Thank God I have a room downstairs in the basement where I can go when the crowd gets to be too much for me! I’m sooooo not a big crowd person. I have distinct memories of family holiday gatherings where I would disappear to what my mom called my "cave," aka my room, where I would go to "hide out" and recoup my energy for a while before facing the crowd again. It doesn’t matter that its my family. It still drains all the energy out of me. I’m definitely an introvert.

At any rate, I think the next few days will be fun — in spite of the crowd. And I’m looking forward to making new memories.

Merry Christmas ya’ll!

Posted on

Christmas Gift of Life

Jesus gave me a gift over 2,000 years ago. We celebrate the beginning of the gift Saturday — by giving gifts to others. Last Thanksgiving Nina and Toby introduced me to a new way to give. It’s called Pheresis.

Apheresis — Give Life, American Red Cross

In an apheresis (ay-fur-ee-sis) donation, from the Greek "to take away," donors give only select blood components ā€” platelets, plasma, red cells, infection-fighting white cells called granulocytes, or a combination of these, depending on the donors’ blood type and the needs of the community. Apheresis is most commonly used to collect platelets and plasma….. A single apheresis donation of platelets can provide as many platelets as 5 whole blood donations. In addition, a platelet transfusion from a single donor greatly reduces the chances of an immune system reaction to the transfusion. Bone marrow transplant, cancer and leukemia patients whose immune systems are already compromised, benefit particularly from single donor platelet transfusions.

To date, I’ve given over one gallon (!!) of platelets and blood through this process. Its a little time-consuming, and a bit arduous, but it is worth every minute of discomfort to know that I’m providing a vital gift of life for someone like my friend Helen, who’s bravely fought cancer for several years now. Each time I give, I do it in Helen’s honor. Even though I know that my platelets will probably go to someone in need in the Carolinas, and not to Helen, who’s in Texas.

Nina made an appointment for us and yesterday we both went up into Charlotte and spent a few hours donating our platelets. Soon I hope to find a place in Nashville where I can give as well. I’m not smart enough to cure cancer, but I can at least do something to help. And I found out yesterday that since I’m O-Negative (blood type) I’m needed for more than just platelets… they need my red cells as well. Next time I plan to give both.

Please visit their website, call the number, 1-800-GIVE LIFE, and give the Gift of Life to a cancer patient this holiday season.

Posted on

Who Comes Up With This?

WooHoo!! The new Harry Potter book is finally finished and will be released July 2005. I think I’ve read the first three at least three or four times, and book five (which came out July 2003) at least two times. I’m soooo ready for book 6!

As I read through the press release, though, I had to laugh… who do they think they are kidding?

An Unexpected Christmas Present Arrives

NEW YORK and LONDON, Dec. 21 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ — Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling, the sixth in the best-selling series, has been scheduled for release on July 16, 2005 in the United States, Britain, Canada and Australia, it was announced today by Scholastic and Bloomsbury, her publishers…. The price will be $29.99.

Okay, now, why do they do that?? Why do they make the selling price something-99? As if we see that missing penny and think, "Cool! I’ll definitely by a book that’s $29.99… but I won’t pay a penny more!! Pa-leezze. Just say, $30, and get on with it. They do the same thing with gas prices… as if telling me the price is 1.879 is really going to convince me that I’m really not paying 1.88/gal for gas.

Give me a break.